eggwards: (Default)
☆ Well, again I'm having to say something about how long it's been since I've written in my journal. For weeks I had a half written post about TBRU that never got off the ground. Partly it was due to stress at work and trying to get through tax season, and now that's over, thankfully. It may not have been as hard as we thought, but it's definitely been a stressful time at work. Otherwise I just haven't been so inspired to write and have been lazy, watching TV in my spare time.

Lets face it, TBRU can be boiled down to a few things. There was great people there, I did my best to stay out of crowds and kept the drama to a minimum. That's not to say that going to Six Flags during Spring Break was not frustrating with the long lines and rude people, but luckily the guys I went with were good company. Also, the Battlestar Galactica finale went great and it was fun to have fellow geeks come over to watch. It made viewing it much more of an event. The finale itself was good, not great, but I think there was a lot of expectations. I saw people I knew and was glad to see them, and met a couple of new people, mostly introduced by people I knew since I'm too shy to go meet them myself.

☆ I'll just a paragraph or five about politics here. I think Obama and his administration are doing fine. Sure, I don't agree with everything he does, but I do appreciate that he seems to be able to plan for the long term and doesn't get caught up in the day-to-day news cycle. Politicians are often too reactionary (see AIG bonuses) and try to respond too often to what the polling shows rather than getting out there and making real plans. I find it refreshing.

The tax day tea parties were ridiculous. What began as a libertarian thing suddenly became some way for disenfranchised Republicans to find a voice, but the problem with that voice is that it seems to find outrage but no substance or solutions. For many people there they seemed to be outraged, but didn't quite know what they were outraged about. Of course you have Fox News out there, actually adding their name to the event. If my parents ever try to tell me that Fox News is balanced again, all I have to do is point to this moment where the right-wing network didn't report the news, but tried to be an event organizer. While I don't find much in the way of objective journalism from any of the cable news outlets, I can't see either CNN or MSNBC trying to actually create a movement for their benefit. For anyone on fox who wants to remain a journalist, it's time to leave.

Funny that these tea bag protests about spending come after several years of Republicans raising deficits while Bush was in office. All this sturm and drang only seems to come around now that they are out of power. I'll take your message as seriously as I do the Code Pink housewives.

Oh, and our governor here in Texas, Rick Perry, is worried about a primary fight against Senator Kay Bailey Hutchinson next year, so naturally he decides to go to these tea party events to campaign. He's a complete idiot, but he knows the Republican Party here is a bunch of rabid fools (Just check out the Texas Republican Party Platform) so he knows he has to play to these guys. Kay is much more the moderate, and she would do better in a general election, but it will be harder for her to win the primary.

So Governor Good Hair, as we call him, goes out to start talking about Texas shouldn't be ruled by Washington, that states are sovereign and we need to look at secession from the US. Great! Just what we need here is an idiot telling us that we should leave the US. If we left the US, the US would also leave us. Do you think Texas would keep the US companies that headquarter here? Do you think that the US military would just leave all there equipment to us? Do you realize that there isn't a large enough bank based in the state to do commerce with? We are so tied into the US, that...why am I even arguing this, our governor is an idiot.

☆ Lastly, tomorrow we head out to LA for our cruise. I'm excited about going out to see a Dodger game tomorrow night and Saturday getting on the ship for a Mexican Riviera cruise. It's the Lazy Bear cruise, so there should be lots of good people on the ship. chris was on this same cruise a couple of years ago - as were a couple of other LJer's. I'll admit that I am not excited about any of the ports of call, but it will be nice to relax and get away from it all.

I'm packing, trying to get everything I need into one suitcase. You'd think going away for a week wouldn't require so much, especially going to somewhere warm, but I'm struggling to keep the bag under 50 pounds. Luckily this cruise I don't have to bring formal wear.

I have been on one other all-gay cruise, and that was the one to Alaska in 2007. I liked that one because people were dressed a little more warmly, but I see this cruise as a little more body competitive - beaches and pools and such. I'm sure there will be several people in skimpy swimsuits both on and off the ship. I'm already in my mindset that I will be the largest guy on the ship and won't want to be out at the pool area. Hopefully this feeling will change and I'll be able to let go and have a good time, but I'll tell you, it's easy to feel that you are very unattractive going into something like this.

Still I can't just stay in our little cabin all vacation long. This will be odd for me because I'm always looking for things to do on vacation but this one seems to be more about doing nothing. I hope I don't go crazy with boredom as I can't think of any of these ports that I want to explore, or anything. I'll be missing my internet access, too. I'm guessing I'm going to be on deck reading a book quite often. We will see how it goes.

Now if I can just cram all these T-Shirts in the bag!

☆ Oh, and it's possible that California's Supreme Court will rule on marriage next week. I guess we'll see if our marriage is still valid (in selected states) or not. We'll be without internet, but I'm sure we will hear the news on the ship. not that I'm expecting it, but if they rule for marriage equality that is going to be one big party boat.

Propped Up

Nov. 5th, 2008 10:59 am
eggwards: (kissy)
I have some thoughts about the presidential election, but I’m going to save those thoughts for later. Right now I’m thinking about something a little more personal.

As a newly married man I’m more than upset about the loss of marriage equality in California. I’m sad that others won’t be able to experience the excitement that I did a few days ago – at least not for a few more years. Sadly, it was so close that you could almost taste victory. I don’t know what more could be done. I gave money to the cause, but in the end I feel very frustrated that I couldn’t have a say in the decision.

When we got to California last week Chris and I were constantly being told by people, friends and family that they were voting against Prop 8. It actually became funny as people at the reception for Chris’ father continued to tell us of their vote whenever it was said that we had just gotten married. It was a knee jerk reaction. I guess it’s similar to saying you are voting for Obama because you aren’t racist. I knew it wasn’t intended that way, but it was an odd way to show support for us as a couple. Surely no straight couple ever has to be told that the congratulator is voting against a bond issue or abortion notification or any other issue when announcing that they are newlyweds.

Again, no love lost with Chris’ family, I know they were being supportive, it was just odd.

The moment we got married it felt odd. There were lots of talk about how it was only applicable in certain states, and we joked about being in a quasi-legal status. I told my work and they are still researching whether I need to report the marriage or not. In Texas it’s as if it never mattered. Chris and I already talked about getting a lawyer and setting up several of the legal protections that are natural in California for us, but you can’t get all of the rights of marriage.

Funny, I didn’t used to care about this stuff. Sure, I want the right to get married, but I wasn’t too worried about the legal side of it, more the equality. Now with the difficulties I see Chris’ mother going through to try to reorganize finances and ownership and everything that had been in her husband’s name, and I realize how much harder it will be for Chris and myself should something happen, it seems to bring the point home.

What’s upsetting about the passage of Prop 8 is that all the same-sex marriages like mine now end up in some sort of twilight zone of existence. Sure, they exist, and at this point and at this moment the marriages aren’t being revoked, or converted to domestic partnerships (though I suspect there will be a challenge to do so), but at this point they will always be seen as an anomaly, or a curiosity. In the public eye they won’t be equal to a “traditional marriage.”

So now Chris and I and many others end up with a second class marriage. One that may be recognized in Massachusetts and Connecticut and maybe New York, but may or may not be recognized in the state it originated in. What a strange place to be in.

Now I’m sure that the people who congratulated us last weekend did go out and vote no on 8, and the millions of others who did were sincere. It was obviously the easier thing to vote yes and say that it didn’t affect you. Certainly the Yes on 8 people did all they could to try to make you feel that you weren’t an asshole if you voted for the measure, but I can’t help feeling that these people were strictly voting against us. It makes me think we’ve come a long way to come so close, but there are still miles to go. Hopefully the new federal administration will be able to pass ENDA. We need those protections.

(Oh, and thanks for all of the congratulations from all of you. I haven’t responded, probably because of the looming Prop 8 vote. I will rectify that soon.)

Chris’ family wants us to have a real reception, since the wedding was done so quickly and under such odd circumstances. It is nice to feel welcome in Chris' family and amongst their freinds. Chris’ mom is insisting on a honeymoon. I guess we’ll have to work on those. I'm not sure if we would have a reception here in Texas, in California or somewhere else

Chris and I talked on the phone last night (he’s still in Lake County with his mom) and said we need to look at rings when we get home since everything has happened so fast. Despite the crazy legal issues, and continued pressure from the majority of people in this country, I think we will always see ourselves as married from now on. Thanks California, for that.
eggwards: (Together2)
So, what's happened in the last 24 hours?

Well, we arrived in Lake County, California here for Chris' father's funeral. Last night as I was cooking some dinner for myself, Chris proposed. Since we talked about this last week, and I was already in the yes column, well I did go ahead and say yes.

So today we went to the county seat and to the registrars office to get a marriage license. The county makes appointments for civil marriages on Wednesdays and Fridays. The clerk said they are booked for weddings tomorrow, but since we were from out of town, she would do it today. We went back to the house to pick up Chris' mom and his Uncle Bob, and we did the deed.

Heck, we didn't really have time to change into fancy duds. I look like I do on a Jeans Friday at work!

Yes folks, I'm a married man. Finally he's made an honest guy outta me! Surprisingly I got married before my sister who has been engaged to her fiance about as long as Chris and I have known each other. I guess that means we rushed into this!

I am a little sad that we didn't get married on Halloween. That would have been good. The county clerk who did the ceremony then made us even sadder that we couldn't get married on Friday when she said she was going to be dresses as Elvis.

Apparently the county clerk's office has a Vegas theme for Halloween. The window where we signed the license was decorated as a blackjack table. Nothing like signing a legal document on something resembling a gambling table. The clerk also gave us our California Marriage Handbook over the pile of chips.

When the clerk mentioned that marriage is not something to be entered into rashly, I thought - well, it's been 18 hours or so, so we should be OK, right?

We didn't have rings. We used the ring I normally wear that I bought at the renassance festival a few years ago. When everything else blows over, we'll shop for some real rings, and maybe we'll have a real ceremony and a wedding registry. There's nothing like wedding presents, right? Right now none of that was that important.

Now I have to tell my parents. They are voting for McCain. At least this couple's votes will cancel their's out. Not sure how they are going to take this news.

Well, I guess this is our little part of saying "No on 8!" We can't vote in California but we did give. If I knew where an office was I'd put a magnet on the rental car. Still, we decided to do it because of the impending possibility of not being able to - and that in the long run, it really doesn't change who we are as a couple, but it's a nice thing to do.

Photos to come.

I love you Chris, and was happy to make it legal - in selected areas only!

Unexpected

Oct. 27th, 2008 10:01 am
eggwards: (Uphill Climb)
Chris' father died suddenly and unexpectedly on Saturday. Chris has
been working on plans to go to be with his mother in California and helping with the finances, which his father took care of. It's come as quite a shock.

While Chris will be gone for a week or so, I'm trying to figure out
about going out there for a couple of days to attend the service.
We've already found that bereavement fares for the airlines aren't really worth anything, and I wouldn't qualify for them anyway.

Chris' parents have been very good about making me feel like one of the family, so I want to repay that by being there during this
difficult moment. While I don't have to be there for the family
business, I have already given Chris some information on how to begin moving family finances into his mother's name.

It's an odd thing, but as we are going through things, and making plans for this weekend it becomes blazingly clear that we aren't
married, and the difficulties of that situation. I have to go to
work today and see if I can get a few days off to go out to California. I've never made a big deal about my relationship at work, so I don't know what hurdles I'll need to go through, especially when we are busy and it's hard to take time off. Yes, Chris is my beneficiary and my emergency contact, but we don't take domestic partner benefits or anything, so it's not like there's a lot of evidence to go on. I doubt I'll get bereavement pay, but hopefully they will let me use some vacation days I still have.

I remember a few years back having to work with HR at an older employer to get bereavement pay for Big Ed when his partner suddenly passed away. It was interesting as the HR department hadn't dealt with the situation before.

It's one of those things where it makes me think about the No on Prop
8 fight in California and how important it is. I wish we could vote while we are out there, just to help the cause. Both Chris and I have donated, doing out part, I guess.

We did talk about the fact that since we would be in California this weekend, should we look into getting married? It might be the last week, you know. Still, I think we came to the conclusion that though we'd be fine with marrying each other, to just run to do it for some deadline wasn't really the right thing, and it doesn't change anything for us - especially here in Texas. Besides, we can still get married in Massachusetts or Connecticut.

Since California doesn't have early voting, this still could be a good moment for Chris and I to do a little No on 8 testimony with his family - just by being there. Nothing obnoxious or overt, just us being ourselves.

I've never had to buy airline tickets this close to when I'm going to
fly. It's difficult to find something good! Right now I'm looking
to go out Friday and return Monday - probably making it more expensive, but I don't know what I can take off yet. Does anyone have some airline booking tricks up their sleeve?

I'm doing what I can for Chris, but I think he's still in shock and it will likely be that way until he gets on that plane and is actually heading home. That makes me sad because I can't be there for him on
that flight. It's odd, because I thought we'd be going to my
father's funeral before his, but life is strange, as always.

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