The Trials and Tribulations of the not-so-New Bear Icon

This is the view out the window nearest to my cubicle at work. It’s a nice view, rather relaxing, actually. In the winter the Canadian Geese fly over. The pond is teeming with fish and turtles. Watching the spring thunderstorms come in from the west is especially spectacular.

The land, picked was once owned by Ross Perot, and what remains of his ranch is next door where there are cattle, horses, and for some reason, a camel. Our tract of land has a pasture up by the state highway where our small heard of longhorns stay. It’s a tax write-off, and we get government money for “farming.” Our building is hugs, and holds about 3500 office workers. A new building that will hold another 1500 is being built and should be full when it opens in 2009. This given that there’s no large economic downturn, of course.

I’m going to lose this view on Monday as I’m moving to a new desk and a new role. The desk is only a few feet away from my old one, but faces away from the lake and is a long way away from the windows on the other side of the building. If I could, I’d likely stay in my current desk, but since I’m switching teams, the desk goes with it.

I’ll also miss sitting next to my co-worker Sean who’s always good for a joke and understands my humor. He’s also the only one in my immediate area who seems to understand that I’m gay and I live with a guy name Chris, not a girl. I talk about Chris occasionally, but don’t make a big issue about it, preferring to keep my private life mostly private. The woman behind me who took the desk vacated by Sourpuss a few months back hasn’t caught on at all, and often asks me about my wife. Since she’s a preacher’s wife I just choose not to go into it. I’m thinking the husband’s ministry isn’t that successful as she seems to be the main breadwinner.

There’s other things I won’t miss, including the lady who talks about missing her little girl all day as she works here, and the woman who, when stressed always shouts “Lord Help Me Jesus!” She’s a bit annoying. There’s a lot of talk and craziness over here, and many people wasting their time more than I do, and they wonder why they can’t produce the numbers I can. They worry about their jobs, but there seems to be few repercussions for they lack of effort, so I think they have it rather good.

The only known problem with my new desk, besides the lack of view (I plan on printing the picture of the lake and placing it in front of me) is the fact it’s only two cubicles over from the loudest sneezer on the floor. She sneezes with an “Hhheeee-Hooo!” that is both high-pitched and projects down the halls well. She can be heard at the far end of our wing, some 150 yards away. Think of a Michael Jackson ad-lib, followed with “sham-on!” and you’ll kind of understand the sound she makes.

Like I said, the reason for the move is that I’m changing job functions and teams here. It’s a lateral move, so there are different responsibilities, and supposedly a more difficult job, but no extra benefits to moving. I’m just hoping it will work into my strategy of getting noticed, gaining more skills and eventually getting promoted. My attempts to try to get a higher position in this company – which has been more times than I’ve documented in this journal, have all seemed to fall flat. I was even told by my manager, my lack of time with the company has cost me opportunities, including the team trainer job I was up for last month.

So I’ll be working with mutual fund transfers. They think because I worked for a mutual fund company before I have more insight than others do, but really, it has not been that helpful. The systems used here are different than those I used back at AIM. Still, I don’t have to be trained in the lingo and I can talk to other fund companies with an ease that someone new to the position may not have.

The job is a specialization of the one I’m leaving. It’s a little more detailed, and a little more digging to be done to get the job done right. I’ve been helping out the mutual fund team for a while on a lending basis, so it just became natural that I would move into the role full time. The thing I’ll miss most about the old work is that it was always something different as they gave me different files to work on. I became quite versatile here, known as the guy who could work any file. Now I won’t get as much variety of work, so I know that will quickly become a drag.

My thought is this new position, like the old, is a temporary thing. I know I’m made for better, and I will keep trying to put my name and hat out for new positions, hopefully in management. When I was first hired, I was told I had to stay in the job for a year before I could move to a new position. A month before the year was up I was already applying. I have not been told that there is a restriction holding me back from going after other positions now that I’m in a new job, so I’m going to play dumb and keep applying. The operations group is the hind-end of the company and I think it would be good to get out of here, or at least move up. This fall I’ll also start looking at other area employers to see if I can do better. Heck, I have a Series 7, I should be using it!

It’s time to move forward, even though it’s not quite the leap I would like at this time (and I’d like to be earning about $10,000 more a year, too), but it’s what I have to go on right now. I guess I was spoiled by the job at AIM were there were leaps more than steps forward. I want the same here.

The only way to earn more at the moment is to work a lot of overtime, and since I’m averaging 50 hour work-weeks all this year, I’ve made a little extra cash. I don’t see that the overtime situation will change much with the new job, so you’ll likely find me here on most Saturdays. What a life.

Still, it’s time to move, at least just to get away from “Lord Help Me Jesus!” and her inquiries if I want to go to a Men’s Ministry night at her church – one that has free prostate exams for men 40 and over. There’s just something wrong there.

It's a small change, but at least I'm not stagnant. Little progresses, little changes. One thing about business now is that those who don't accept change get left behind.

I'll miss the view, though.

So, what's been going on? For me it's been mostly working. It's the worst time of the year to be in financial services, but yet it's when I can make the most money, so I try not to complain too much about the long hours.

We do get Good Friday off. There's not much point to having it off, but it's a day the New York Stock Exchange takes off, so we get it too. At first they were going to let people come in and get some overtime hours, which was fine with me, Chris has to work, and I might as well make some cash, right? Well today they decided that our volumes are down from what they were last year, so we won't be allowed to come in. No extra cash when we're not as overwhelmed as before.

This is all good, but Friday was the designated Jeans Day for the quarter. That's right, the quarter. Chris gets a jeans day every Friday, but we're all stuffy about it because some bigwig might come in. luckily we don't have to wear ties, I've been in those jobs, and hated them. Still, with so few opportunities to dress down I like to have those days.

Of course some people dress pretty sloppy anyway, I'm not the best dresser, but I'm not the worst, either. the best dresser is Mr. Dolche and Gabbana. He's always got sweaters draped over his shoulders and suits and super pointy shoes. He occasionally wears a D&G wool hat on his head. He dresses like the kind of older twink that you expect him to be. Very fussy, very Felix Unger.

One nice thing has been that Sourpuss has been moved away. She's on another row now, and I'm really grateful. I don't think I've ever known more about a co-worker's family, children's problems, home repair, and medical history. I know this because she would always talk about these things very loudly on the phone. I'm not sure how she could have ever been productive as she was always on a personal call.

I've heard calls about how she didn't want her daughter in the special ed classes, how she didn't get permits to have the landscape work done in her back yard, and her constant bickering with the people at the weight-loss clinic about what she could and could not eat on her plan. She did know that I could clearly hear her. one day she turned to me and stated, "You know that I suffer from depression, right?" Actually, I didn't until then, and now what am I supposed to say? "That's Great?"

Of course that doesn't mean that all of my other co-workers are quiet. Sitting in the cubical across from me is "Lord Help Me, Jesus!". I call her this because at any interval of the day, when she gets the slightest bit frustrated with work, this is what she screams out. She's not very well equipped for this job, so I hear it a lot. personally i feel that the refrain is falling on deaf ears, much like God probably doesn't care who wins the Superbowl, and probably doesn't do much with the outcome.

Sometimes she actually asks her coworkers for help. Wait, that's all the time. I get all sorts of questions, many are ones that if she had some training and know something about finances, she might be better at the job, but the company isn't big on training, just production, without seeing the benefit more training would have on the other. When I get questions about how mutual funds work, then I know we're in trouble.

That's a big problem with the job as it is, the managers are looking at straight numbers, and little else. I have a new manager, my third in the past year. He has said a full sentence to me about four times. It's just showing me that they really aren't paying attention to their people, and even worse, really aren't trying to improve their workforce. This is how people like "Lord Help Me, Jesus!" manage to stay in these positions when they clearly aren't cut out for it. I hate seeing this because i know what I could do if I was made a manager...and I'd want to make it better. I want that job, not the one I'm stuck with!

One last thing..."Lord Help Me, Jesus!" was asking people if they had seen a movie...one that i think was a religious movie of some sort, so she was probably trying to check up on people and to bring them to the Lord through cinema. So she asks me, "Michael, Have you seen My Special Something?"

I was confused by this, but it also sounded like a strange come-on, so in my usually loud voice I turned to her and said, "Glenda, No, I haven't seen your special something." She turned red and giggled in the "that was funny but I go to church and don't really approve" way as other people around us heard and were a bit confused. Someone joked that HR would need to be called in.

Oh well, that's what's up for me. Hopefully I'll enjoy the cafeteria's $1 burger day next week. So much for the full meal we were comped lat year! Otherwise, unless there's something better, I'll be studying for my licensing exam on Friday.

I thought about doing something silly like saying that I'd be giving up my iMac and getting some Dell or Gateway computer, and then saying April Fools, but everyone would know it's a lie and it wouldn't be much of an April Fool's joke if there wasn't someway you might believe it.

Of course, today is the 30th anniversary of apple Computers, a little company that's a really big company in some ways, run by a guy who's been called visionary, demanding, crazy, stubborn, and many other names. Still, apple wouldn't be Apple without him. Heck, look at Apple in the mid 90's, they almost ended up on the scrap heap of computing, much like Commodore and Atari. Still, there's a loyal group of fans who've stuck with them, and now are in possession of some of the best hardware and software around.

Our family didn't start with Apples, in fact my Dad came home with a Commodore PET back in 1978 after fooling around with some very basic Heathkit calculators and circuit-boards. I then moved up to the Atari computers, and finally in college, despite being able to use my Atari 800XL with it's 300 baud modem on the university VAX, and having a good knowledge of BASIC, I bought my first Mac.

The Macintosh LCII had a separate monitor, and was shaped like a pizza box, but it was still an entry level computer. I used that to help me with my desktop publishing and the yearbook assignments. It was also compatible with the fraternity's computer (and they even had a LISA, the Mac's predecessor, in the attic). I think it used System 7. This was sometime around 1991 and I had a 1400 baud modem then.

From there I bought a grey iMac, and iBook, and finally the hemisphere-shaped iMac G4 that I'm typing this on. All have been good, reliable machines, and great for what I do, type, read the internet, listen to music. I bought one of the first iPods that came out, and am now on my second. I even have a Newton, but never found a good use for it. It's not that any of these machines dies, but just ended up needing an upgrade. I think I've only had a Mac crash and require a hard drive cleaning once.

Yes, I'm a Mac evangelist, and I want everyone to at least look at the Mac as a computer for them, but I know that not everyone would do well by having one. People who do heavy processes, computer programmers, gamers, these people need a PC, but anyone who just needs a good, well designed, easy to use machine, and is willing to pay a premium for design and ease.

I use a PC at work, but I don't want to come home to one. I love my Mac, and my iPod, and hope they'll be around for several years to come.


Now, back to the questions. JOhn (jkusters) asks:

What kinds of features in a guy catch your attention? What combination of physical, mental, and social aspects do you find interest-worthy?

I'll tell you, I have a really hard time answering this question, because I always have a hard time pinning down what I like in a few phrases because every day brings new possibilities and the chance to discover something you didn't consider before.

We can start with a few physical attributes. Facially I can't tell you what the secret combo is, but I like little noses, squinty eyes, and a great beard or goatee. Facial hair can really make a difference, and I prefer it. I like guys to have mustaches with the beards and goatees. It's just one of those things. Hair color doesn't mean too much, but for an extra look, red heads will get my attention.

Body types can be anywhere from athletic, to muscular to husky. There is a level of chubbiness that gets to be too much, but it hasn't always been a killer. I'll admit that porn-wise, I like the musclebears, but they are a fantasy, and they don't normally look my way. I do find the really skinny aren't very attractive to me at all.

Mental/Social - have somewhat of a brain. that's why I like a lot of people on LJ, because they can write a decent sentence. I like someone with a quick and probably quirky wit, and someone who has a little pop culture knowledge. It helps to have something to connect with in conversation. please be able to have a conversation. This is what annoys me with Bear 411 - people can't write. Then again, I always have a tough time with messaging services because I can't talk in short spurts like that. I also can't spell.

Also, I'd rather have people in my life who are good in small social groups, since big parties tend to put me into a funk. I just don't function well in a crowd. I guess I need a little more personal interaction.

If you want me to describe someone perfect (besides Chris of course) I don't think I could. I'm very case-by-case, and hopefully I'm not one to pre judge when there's an interesting person in there, but the packaging just didn't click the first time. it's hard not to be hypocritical about that though.

Thanks for the question. More answers to come.