I was involved with a gentleman for 2.5 years.. here's my perspective on how to make it work.
Communication is the key. Everything else is pretty minor.
Don't worry so much about the inequalities in a relationship: one person is always going to make more money than another; someone is usually going to travel to see the other more; etc.
Talk about whats stressing you, what issues you might have and be willing to compromise.
Been there, done that, got the teeshirt. LDR's are not fun, but they CAN work. As baraksf said, communication is key. Hopefully one day soon you'll both be together in the same town. *hugs*
And you thought it was going to be easy? I've never seen a relationship where everything was perfect. Barak has the key, "communication." Not only email, journaling, phone and web cam, but being honest with each other.
You'll kill yourself if you keep on trying to make the journey every week. My former partner lived only 30 miles away...yet there were periods where we wouldn't see each other for months. If he had to go to another city or state to do a play...or shoot a film, there was just no other choice.
Don't be selfish about it (oh, I'm so lonely...I want to...Why can't he...), be appreciative of each other and when you are together that time will be of such high quality.
Alan and I are finally living together after six years. Technically, the distance that separated us until then was under 10 miles ... but I gave up my car nearly four years ago so as to save down payment money faster. 7.6 city miles on public transit with two bus/train switches = an hour, sometimes two on slow days.
Add in the fact that Woody lived in the same neighborhood as Alan, and I sometimes felt twice as lonely, rather than twice as lucky.
And yet ... here we are, in one big house at last.
The advice you've already gotten is just what I'd have said. Except this: if one of you travels more than the other, and either of you notice feelings about that, do talk about them. One or the other of you may feel like he's doing more of the traveling, or relating, or whatever, and while you don't have to *take those feelings as reality*, or blame the other guy for them, it's better to communicate about them, as baraksf said.
Thanks, Pete! your comments have been most helpful and very wise. i thank you for taking the time to write.
Distance is what you make of it, I guess. Even a short distance can seem miles apart.
I think we'll make the best of it, seeing each other when we can. And yes, when one of us feels like we have a problem, an inadequacy or whatever, we should definitely talk it out. It could be tough, since we're both somewhat quiet, reserved people.
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timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2003-06-29 03:39 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-06-30 06:28 am (UTC)Trust me, I'll be looking to those on my friends list, like you two, for examples and guidance!
no subject
Date: 2003-06-29 05:49 pm (UTC)Communication is the key. Everything else is pretty minor.
Don't worry so much about the inequalities in a relationship: one person is always going to make more money than another; someone is usually going to travel to see the other more; etc.
Talk about whats stressing you, what issues you might have and be willing to compromise.
Just my perspective.
no subject
Date: 2003-06-29 07:40 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-06-30 09:58 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-06-30 01:54 am (UTC)You'll kill yourself if you keep on trying to make the journey every week. My former partner lived only 30 miles away...yet there were periods where we wouldn't see each other for months. If he had to go to another city or state to do a play...or shoot a film, there was just no other choice.
Don't be selfish about it (oh, I'm so lonely...I want to...Why can't he...), be appreciative of each other and when you are together that time will be of such high quality.
no subject
Date: 2003-06-30 02:07 pm (UTC)Alan and I are finally living together after six years. Technically, the distance that separated us until then was under 10 miles ... but I gave up my car nearly four years ago so as to save down payment money faster. 7.6 city miles on public transit with two bus/train switches = an hour, sometimes two on slow days.
Add in the fact that Woody lived in the same neighborhood as Alan, and I sometimes felt twice as lonely, rather than twice as lucky.
And yet ... here we are, in one big house at last.
The advice you've already gotten is just what I'd have said. Except this: if one of you travels more than the other, and either of you notice feelings about that, do talk about them. One or the other of you may feel like he's doing more of the traveling, or relating, or whatever, and while you don't have to *take those feelings as reality*, or blame the other guy for them, it's better to communicate about them, as
no subject
Date: 2003-06-30 10:06 pm (UTC)Distance is what you make of it, I guess. Even a short distance can seem miles apart.
I think we'll make the best of it, seeing each other when we can. And yes, when one of us feels like we have a problem, an inadequacy or whatever, we should definitely talk it out. It could be tough, since we're both somewhat quiet, reserved people.
Still, a little can say a lot.