The Trials and Tribulations of the not-so-New Bear Icon

One thing that's troubled me about the move to Dallas is that I really haven't been able to build a circle of friends here. Yes, I'm whining a little bit, but i know that lots of it is my own fault.

I have my best friend. Chris is great and I talk to him about everything and anything, but beyond him I don't have anyone I can consistently talk to or hand out with. Some of the people I knew here before hand have moved on, and others have moved on with their lives and aren't as available anymore.

My problem is that I don't make friends as easily as I used to. Perhaps some of it comes from being burned, where I had put more energy (and sometimes cash) into trying to stay friends with people - not necessarily here, but consistently throughout my life. Who knows, maybe I've tried to often to be friends that I looked up to, or were more witty and smart than I. I'm down on myself as not being as smart or funny as I wish I was, and therefore not being good friend material.

I've also been a lot more closed off since I've moved here. I've been slow open up, and scared to go out and be social. I think its the fear of being pushed aside or unloved that keeps me on the sidelines. Maybe I'm just not comfortable with the meeting places in the community where many meet. Bars and pool parties are somewhat sexually charged, and I never quite know how to handle myself in those situations.

There's a new movies group, and we've gone a few times with them, but it's watching movies, there's little getting to know the other people. It would be nice to add a dinner or after movie coffee with that. I think that would be a better thing than bar nights.

I've gone to a couple of Denton Bears events, and so far so good. I haven't seen much out of the Dallas Bears beyond TBRU, but I know occasionally they do a dinner now and again, but they seem to be a rather exclusive group.

Here's the worst thing, I know I've been bad about keeping in contact with people. There's so many ways to get in touch with people, but I always feel like I'm imposing on people if I call or even message people. I know if I don't talk to them, they don't contact me, but when I want some connection with someone, I'm feeling too desperate and don't want to bother people (not even Chris) with my problem. If I can't keep up with people in the good times, then why bother them when I'm in a bad move?

Even when I have met a person around these parts, I don't seem to be interesting or good enough to become anything more than acquaintance, but perhaps I'm the one who's keeping everyone at a distance. I'm not entirely sure, but I'm certainly not helping myself by being an isolationist.

Maybe I shouldn't work the long hours and find some social outlets, but I've not been ready to join groups...even the softball league where I was last year. Those people aren't in my life, either, and I liked a lot of guys on that team. I keep thinking about the Chorale, but never really decide to make the commitment.

I need to work to make Dallas my home, not just the place that I live, hoping to move somewhere else and repeating the cycle. I need to do better to be open to people and allow whatever relationships may come.

I need to find some friends, old and new, and have some good times. It's not that things are horrible here in Dallas, but they could be better.

It's now been a year that I grabbed up some of my belongings and moved into this house. It's been pretty good. I certainly love the TV! The companionship has been nice too. I'm also glad to have a dog in my life again. It's taken a little getting used to, having Chris around everyday as opposed to the weekends that we had shared previously.

Sure, we're both a little tough to talk to, and occasionally it's lead to some misunderstandings and some hurt feelings, but I'm going to guess that happens with every couple. Personally, I don't know. It's still my first time around. Still, I think we have learned to understand each other better in the past year and hopefully we'll get even more in synch.

Of course we're both pretty darn stubborn. I think I beat him in this in a lot of ways, especially with my eating habits. Chris doesn't like that I won't eat veggies, and a lot of the recipes that he knows have something in them that I won't eat, so we just end up going out to eat all of the time. It's something I need to work on because Chris would like to cook more and I could use to save some of the money we spend going out.

The real gripe about the big move has been the job. I won't dwell on it much tonight, but let me say that I think I was told things about this job that it clearly isn't. Still, I'm happier that my current boss is much more receptive to my wanting to do more, and be more than my previous one who only talked to me at my review. 2007 is definitely about setting myself up for, and getting a better position.

One of the biggest changes was the sleeping arrangements - and I'm not just saying this because we had both slept on the same side of the bed when we were single (on the left). I made the move over to the right. However, there's a study that said that couples get less sleep than singles do, and I believe it. The study says couples lose up to 49 minutes of sleep a night. I haven't seen exactly why this is, but I have some ideas.

for one, you're somewhat conscious of your partner while you're in bed. Not just in the way that when they move you might wake up, but there just seems to be a little instinctual thing that makes you a little bit aware of their presence. I know that when I move around I kind of "feel" where Chris is, so I won't kick him.

Strangely, I'm usually the one who stays in my zone. It's probably from the many years I have spent in a twin bed, even as an adult. My tossing and turning can be kept in a relatively small space. I think that this technique was improved over many band road trips where I'd have to sleep with someone in a hotel bedroom, and try not to touch them because I was scared that the other person would think that I was "that way".

Chris will slide his legs over to my side of the bed sometimes. I don't know why, but he likes to sleep diagonally. Since we both have CPAPs and are usually connected to tubes all night, we don't get to do a lot of spooning. Spooning's nice, but it usually wipes both of us out for the next day.

Of course there's one other element that has changed our sleeping arrangements over the last month or so. Joey the Dog has been joining us at night because my soft heart doesn't like sending her out to sleep on the porch on a cold night. She's a big 50 lbs lump who likes to sleep on top of the comforter in the space right between Chris and I. Somehow she steals the comforter off of me on many a night.

She's gained the privilege to sleep with us as she can stay still for most of the night. I remember when she was a puppy and I'd be over we tried to let her sleep with us, but she'd run around and bark and yes, she once peed on the bed while we were in it. Now that she's grown up (she just turned three), she's usually well-behaved. As it gets warmer again, I think we'll put her outside at night, so I hope she doesn't get to used to it.

For a few years I did sleep in my small twin bed with my family's wiener dog, Fritz. He was a pretty big dachshund, so there wasn't a lot of room for the two of us, but he liked to burrow under the covers. Joey certainly does not want to be under the covers. She likes to sleep where she can have a good view of everything.

There's a nice feeling, though, of once you put your CPAP mask on, that there's someone there who loves you. Just as you drift off there's a light touch from your partner, or maybe you hold hands for a little bit. It's nice, and reassuring.

Of course, it's a big bed, which is great. We go to hotels and suddenly we're in this small bed and there's no elbow room! Talk about having a tough time getting to sleep! I guess we're both guys who need our space. Still, our bed's up pretty high, so there are times where i worry that I may one day fall out of bed - though it's been years since I've done that.

Yeah, my life changed quite a bit over the last year, but it's been a good thing, something that's helped me grow up, and be more responsible in thinking about two instead of just one. Decisions I make, and the moods I express effect him, and his effect me. It's a different world.

I love being here with Chris. Really, it isn't about Dallas. I haven't found all that much to brag about, city wise. It's all about the relationship and learning about Chris and learning about myself. It's about the everyday lives of two people, and the difference in everyday living as opposed to dating, or just seeing each other on special occasions. Luckily the transition has been a good one.

Though I'd say I'm most grateful I didn't have to buy an HD-TV of my own!