![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
eggwardsOne of the aspects of being a gay male means that you are looking for acceptance, socialization and even love from a group that's pretty much like you. Heterosexuals at least get to expand their group to a more diverse set of people, despite eHarmony's 28 dimensions of compatibility.
The rational part of my head says it's stupid to be looking for validation at a bear run, but deep down inside, here's a group of hot, sexy men all in one place, and all I really want to do is feel like I belong with them. I want to know that I'm good enough, handsome enough, entertaining enough to be one of them.
But yet I always feel like pulling away from the crowd. I like my personal space, and the hotel lobby just isn't a great place for it. I feel that no one is interested in my conversation, so I shut down, but yet, here I am wanting to be (lord help me I'm thinking of a Disney tune now) a part of the cool kids, the sexy kids.
I wish my head could give this fear up and just let me get on with it. Damn me and my tendency to overanalyze everything.
The rational part of my head says it's stupid to be looking for validation at a bear run, but deep down inside, here's a group of hot, sexy men all in one place, and all I really want to do is feel like I belong with them. I want to know that I'm good enough, handsome enough, entertaining enough to be one of them.
But yet I always feel like pulling away from the crowd. I like my personal space, and the hotel lobby just isn't a great place for it. I feel that no one is interested in my conversation, so I shut down, but yet, here I am wanting to be (lord help me I'm thinking of a Disney tune now) a part of the cool kids, the sexy kids.
I wish my head could give this fear up and just let me get on with it. Damn me and my tendency to overanalyze everything.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2008-03-22 03:54 pm (UTC)I had the same fear every time I went to TBRU. If it makes you feel any better, I still think of the time when you knocked on my door by accident the first year I was there and I sheepishly told you and Chris that you had the wrong door even though I knew exactly who you were. *hug*
I wish I were there. Not for sex or anything, because that'd probably be the last thing on my mind, but just to hug my friends.
no subject
Date: 2008-03-26 12:21 am (UTC)It's a tough one because I have to try to overcome the fears. People I know help, but then I feel I'm not making the most of it by meeting new people, too! I'm pretty sure if you or anyone else came up to the door, and I hadn't met you formerly, I would be scared to introduce myself as well!
I know you are looking to leave Texas, but you do need to visit!