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I get worked up about somethings.
Coming out is certainly one of them. I've come out to many friends, and to my sister. She's tell you that it took about 30 minutes to get the word "gay" out in front of her. That was 6 years ago.
It doesn't get too much easier, when it's family. I called Laura and had her on standby. I also gave her the password to LJ, just in case. She said I was being overly dramatic. She's right, but it's so me. Laura was concerned that my thoughts had turned to telling both parents, and she wasn't sure how Mom would take it. I said that was a big concern to me as well.
I reached home, and it was like my stomach dropped out. Both Mom and Dad were napping - in separate rooms, with televisions blaring. Normal. I went to go grab a few trinkets out of my room, and drop them in the car just in case. Jay and Silent Bob, among other things, are now here at my home.
Dad woke up and we talked about work. I'm sure he could tell something else was on my mind. It was totally telegraphed. In the back of my mind, something told me (like in Field of Dreams) "get him out of the house". Divide and conquer - good strategy.
Luckily, Mom doesn't keep much in the fridge...so I stated that I needed to get something to drink, did he want to go with me? He could see the manipulation, but still said yes. I knew he was expecting something.
The handgun drops into one of the pockets of his cargo pants.
We ran to the store where he picked up a box of Wheat Thins and I got a Diet Dr. Pepper after futzing about looking for a cold Fruitopia which they clearly did not have, making me look like a babbling fool.
So, I take the long way back home, and he says, "I'm figuring that you have something you want to say."
"Yeah, I guess I do. Well, I just want to tell you...Well, I'm gay."
(...and remember, shooting the driver while it's raining isn't a good idea...)
Now in acting, some might say that the reaction would take a couple of beats to sink in, then the actor would respond. Dad takes about five.
"Well, you know how I feel about that," ("Yes") "But there's nothing I can really do about that."
"Well, I thought it was better to tell you. I've had to lie, create stories, work around things to keep the secret. I don't want to do that anymore. I want to be honest with you. I'm also not going to push anything on you today, unless you ask."
"And I appreciate that. I'm just concerned. People in that lifestyle tend to live shorter lives. I don't want to see you going before me."
"I don't think that will happen."
"Well," he said. I stopped him, I knew where he was heading. "I know what you're thinking, and I also know that you don't really get a balanced view from the jail. You're always seeing the worst of any society." He had to admit that was true.
"I don't think we should tell your mother yet."
"Yeah, I wasn't so sure about that, but I don't want you to have to lie for me. That puts you in an awkward position."
"I just don't think the timing is right." Grandmom had died about a year ago, so I'm sure Mom's a little fragile right now. Even without that, Mom's not exactly in touch with reality. "I think we're going to have to work her into that."
Alright. Dad's pretty spot-on with advice, so I take it. I'm concerned about having to continue the deception with Mom, but it's OK. A little longer won't kill me. Then he asked me one more question.
"Do you have an significant other?" Look at Dad, hip with the lingo.
"No, Dad, not yet, but I have been meeting some really cool people, lately." I briefly explained LJ and where some of you people are at, and that Laura had been out with some of the Dallas crew on Friday night.
Dad moved back to talking about my job. I could tell that he was done with this topic for a while. I decided not to press, except for one more thing.
"Dad, I think you know that I'm a decent judge of character. I hope you'll trust me."
"Yes, both you and your sister are pretty good there."
The car ride ended with a handshake. No hugs, no tears, just the handshake.
We got back to the house, and the gun ended up back on the occasional table, unfired. I asked Dad to call Laura, who had been waiting by the phone. They talked a little, but Mom was up so he couldn't say much. *sigh*
So dinner with the folks. I felt much more relaxed, and much more animated talking to them than I had in a long time. Nothing was said on the subject, obviously, but things were different.
Before I left the house, Dad stated "Thanks for the talk today, it was good." I tried to play it cool, as he might, and said, "Sure, thanks. It was good."
Behind the scenes, it meant the world to me.
Coming out is certainly one of them. I've come out to many friends, and to my sister. She's tell you that it took about 30 minutes to get the word "gay" out in front of her. That was 6 years ago.
It doesn't get too much easier, when it's family. I called Laura and had her on standby. I also gave her the password to LJ, just in case. She said I was being overly dramatic. She's right, but it's so me. Laura was concerned that my thoughts had turned to telling both parents, and she wasn't sure how Mom would take it. I said that was a big concern to me as well.
I reached home, and it was like my stomach dropped out. Both Mom and Dad were napping - in separate rooms, with televisions blaring. Normal. I went to go grab a few trinkets out of my room, and drop them in the car just in case. Jay and Silent Bob, among other things, are now here at my home.
Dad woke up and we talked about work. I'm sure he could tell something else was on my mind. It was totally telegraphed. In the back of my mind, something told me (like in Field of Dreams) "get him out of the house". Divide and conquer - good strategy.
Luckily, Mom doesn't keep much in the fridge...so I stated that I needed to get something to drink, did he want to go with me? He could see the manipulation, but still said yes. I knew he was expecting something.
The handgun drops into one of the pockets of his cargo pants.
We ran to the store where he picked up a box of Wheat Thins and I got a Diet Dr. Pepper after futzing about looking for a cold Fruitopia which they clearly did not have, making me look like a babbling fool.
So, I take the long way back home, and he says, "I'm figuring that you have something you want to say."
"Yeah, I guess I do. Well, I just want to tell you...Well, I'm gay."
(...and remember, shooting the driver while it's raining isn't a good idea...)
Now in acting, some might say that the reaction would take a couple of beats to sink in, then the actor would respond. Dad takes about five.
"Well, you know how I feel about that," ("Yes") "But there's nothing I can really do about that."
"Well, I thought it was better to tell you. I've had to lie, create stories, work around things to keep the secret. I don't want to do that anymore. I want to be honest with you. I'm also not going to push anything on you today, unless you ask."
"And I appreciate that. I'm just concerned. People in that lifestyle tend to live shorter lives. I don't want to see you going before me."
"I don't think that will happen."
"Well," he said. I stopped him, I knew where he was heading. "I know what you're thinking, and I also know that you don't really get a balanced view from the jail. You're always seeing the worst of any society." He had to admit that was true.
"I don't think we should tell your mother yet."
"Yeah, I wasn't so sure about that, but I don't want you to have to lie for me. That puts you in an awkward position."
"I just don't think the timing is right." Grandmom had died about a year ago, so I'm sure Mom's a little fragile right now. Even without that, Mom's not exactly in touch with reality. "I think we're going to have to work her into that."
Alright. Dad's pretty spot-on with advice, so I take it. I'm concerned about having to continue the deception with Mom, but it's OK. A little longer won't kill me. Then he asked me one more question.
"Do you have an significant other?" Look at Dad, hip with the lingo.
"No, Dad, not yet, but I have been meeting some really cool people, lately." I briefly explained LJ and where some of you people are at, and that Laura had been out with some of the Dallas crew on Friday night.
Dad moved back to talking about my job. I could tell that he was done with this topic for a while. I decided not to press, except for one more thing.
"Dad, I think you know that I'm a decent judge of character. I hope you'll trust me."
"Yes, both you and your sister are pretty good there."
The car ride ended with a handshake. No hugs, no tears, just the handshake.
We got back to the house, and the gun ended up back on the occasional table, unfired. I asked Dad to call Laura, who had been waiting by the phone. They talked a little, but Mom was up so he couldn't say much. *sigh*
So dinner with the folks. I felt much more relaxed, and much more animated talking to them than I had in a long time. Nothing was said on the subject, obviously, but things were different.
Before I left the house, Dad stated "Thanks for the talk today, it was good." I tried to play it cool, as he might, and said, "Sure, thanks. It was good."
Behind the scenes, it meant the world to me.
