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eggwardsI get worked up about somethings.
Coming out is certainly one of them. I've come out to many friends, and to my sister. She's tell you that it took about 30 minutes to get the word "gay" out in front of her. That was 6 years ago.
It doesn't get too much easier, when it's family. I called Laura and had her on standby. I also gave her the password to LJ, just in case. She said I was being overly dramatic. She's right, but it's so me. Laura was concerned that my thoughts had turned to telling both parents, and she wasn't sure how Mom would take it. I said that was a big concern to me as well.
I reached home, and it was like my stomach dropped out. Both Mom and Dad were napping - in separate rooms, with televisions blaring. Normal. I went to go grab a few trinkets out of my room, and drop them in the car just in case. Jay and Silent Bob, among other things, are now here at my home.
Dad woke up and we talked about work. I'm sure he could tell something else was on my mind. It was totally telegraphed. In the back of my mind, something told me (like in Field of Dreams) "get him out of the house". Divide and conquer - good strategy.
Luckily, Mom doesn't keep much in the fridge...so I stated that I needed to get something to drink, did he want to go with me? He could see the manipulation, but still said yes. I knew he was expecting something.
The handgun drops into one of the pockets of his cargo pants.
We ran to the store where he picked up a box of Wheat Thins and I got a Diet Dr. Pepper after futzing about looking for a cold Fruitopia which they clearly did not have, making me look like a babbling fool.
So, I take the long way back home, and he says, "I'm figuring that you have something you want to say."
"Yeah, I guess I do. Well, I just want to tell you...Well, I'm gay."
(...and remember, shooting the driver while it's raining isn't a good idea...)
Now in acting, some might say that the reaction would take a couple of beats to sink in, then the actor would respond. Dad takes about five.
"Well, you know how I feel about that," ("Yes") "But there's nothing I can really do about that."
"Well, I thought it was better to tell you. I've had to lie, create stories, work around things to keep the secret. I don't want to do that anymore. I want to be honest with you. I'm also not going to push anything on you today, unless you ask."
"And I appreciate that. I'm just concerned. People in that lifestyle tend to live shorter lives. I don't want to see you going before me."
"I don't think that will happen."
"Well," he said. I stopped him, I knew where he was heading. "I know what you're thinking, and I also know that you don't really get a balanced view from the jail. You're always seeing the worst of any society." He had to admit that was true.
"I don't think we should tell your mother yet."
"Yeah, I wasn't so sure about that, but I don't want you to have to lie for me. That puts you in an awkward position."
"I just don't think the timing is right." Grandmom had died about a year ago, so I'm sure Mom's a little fragile right now. Even without that, Mom's not exactly in touch with reality. "I think we're going to have to work her into that."
Alright. Dad's pretty spot-on with advice, so I take it. I'm concerned about having to continue the deception with Mom, but it's OK. A little longer won't kill me. Then he asked me one more question.
"Do you have an significant other?" Look at Dad, hip with the lingo.
"No, Dad, not yet, but I have been meeting some really cool people, lately." I briefly explained LJ and where some of you people are at, and that Laura had been out with some of the Dallas crew on Friday night.
Dad moved back to talking about my job. I could tell that he was done with this topic for a while. I decided not to press, except for one more thing.
"Dad, I think you know that I'm a decent judge of character. I hope you'll trust me."
"Yes, both you and your sister are pretty good there."
The car ride ended with a handshake. No hugs, no tears, just the handshake.
We got back to the house, and the gun ended up back on the occasional table, unfired. I asked Dad to call Laura, who had been waiting by the phone. They talked a little, but Mom was up so he couldn't say much. *sigh*
So dinner with the folks. I felt much more relaxed, and much more animated talking to them than I had in a long time. Nothing was said on the subject, obviously, but things were different.
Before I left the house, Dad stated "Thanks for the talk today, it was good." I tried to play it cool, as he might, and said, "Sure, thanks. It was good."
Behind the scenes, it meant the world to me.
Coming out is certainly one of them. I've come out to many friends, and to my sister. She's tell you that it took about 30 minutes to get the word "gay" out in front of her. That was 6 years ago.
It doesn't get too much easier, when it's family. I called Laura and had her on standby. I also gave her the password to LJ, just in case. She said I was being overly dramatic. She's right, but it's so me. Laura was concerned that my thoughts had turned to telling both parents, and she wasn't sure how Mom would take it. I said that was a big concern to me as well.
I reached home, and it was like my stomach dropped out. Both Mom and Dad were napping - in separate rooms, with televisions blaring. Normal. I went to go grab a few trinkets out of my room, and drop them in the car just in case. Jay and Silent Bob, among other things, are now here at my home.
Dad woke up and we talked about work. I'm sure he could tell something else was on my mind. It was totally telegraphed. In the back of my mind, something told me (like in Field of Dreams) "get him out of the house". Divide and conquer - good strategy.
Luckily, Mom doesn't keep much in the fridge...so I stated that I needed to get something to drink, did he want to go with me? He could see the manipulation, but still said yes. I knew he was expecting something.
The handgun drops into one of the pockets of his cargo pants.
We ran to the store where he picked up a box of Wheat Thins and I got a Diet Dr. Pepper after futzing about looking for a cold Fruitopia which they clearly did not have, making me look like a babbling fool.
So, I take the long way back home, and he says, "I'm figuring that you have something you want to say."
"Yeah, I guess I do. Well, I just want to tell you...Well, I'm gay."
(...and remember, shooting the driver while it's raining isn't a good idea...)
Now in acting, some might say that the reaction would take a couple of beats to sink in, then the actor would respond. Dad takes about five.
"Well, you know how I feel about that," ("Yes") "But there's nothing I can really do about that."
"Well, I thought it was better to tell you. I've had to lie, create stories, work around things to keep the secret. I don't want to do that anymore. I want to be honest with you. I'm also not going to push anything on you today, unless you ask."
"And I appreciate that. I'm just concerned. People in that lifestyle tend to live shorter lives. I don't want to see you going before me."
"I don't think that will happen."
"Well," he said. I stopped him, I knew where he was heading. "I know what you're thinking, and I also know that you don't really get a balanced view from the jail. You're always seeing the worst of any society." He had to admit that was true.
"I don't think we should tell your mother yet."
"Yeah, I wasn't so sure about that, but I don't want you to have to lie for me. That puts you in an awkward position."
"I just don't think the timing is right." Grandmom had died about a year ago, so I'm sure Mom's a little fragile right now. Even without that, Mom's not exactly in touch with reality. "I think we're going to have to work her into that."
Alright. Dad's pretty spot-on with advice, so I take it. I'm concerned about having to continue the deception with Mom, but it's OK. A little longer won't kill me. Then he asked me one more question.
"Do you have an significant other?" Look at Dad, hip with the lingo.
"No, Dad, not yet, but I have been meeting some really cool people, lately." I briefly explained LJ and where some of you people are at, and that Laura had been out with some of the Dallas crew on Friday night.
Dad moved back to talking about my job. I could tell that he was done with this topic for a while. I decided not to press, except for one more thing.
"Dad, I think you know that I'm a decent judge of character. I hope you'll trust me."
"Yes, both you and your sister are pretty good there."
The car ride ended with a handshake. No hugs, no tears, just the handshake.
We got back to the house, and the gun ended up back on the occasional table, unfired. I asked Dad to call Laura, who had been waiting by the phone. They talked a little, but Mom was up so he couldn't say much. *sigh*
So dinner with the folks. I felt much more relaxed, and much more animated talking to them than I had in a long time. Nothing was said on the subject, obviously, but things were different.
Before I left the house, Dad stated "Thanks for the talk today, it was good." I tried to play it cool, as he might, and said, "Sure, thanks. It was good."
Behind the scenes, it meant the world to me.
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What a relief!
Date: 2003-04-21 07:37 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-04-21 07:42 am (UTC)*hugs you tight*
no subject
Date: 2003-04-21 07:54 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-04-21 08:19 am (UTC)Yay for you! My father was in law enforcement as well .. I know about the gun thing :)
I'm glad it went well. That queasy feeling after saying it is sometimes worse than years of not saying it .. but it passes pretty quickly and in both of our lucky cases, doesn't leave a scar :)
no subject
Date: 2003-04-21 08:29 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-04-21 08:36 am (UTC)Congrats!
Date: 2003-04-21 08:50 am (UTC)That year Steve wasn't at Thanksgiving with us, he was in Utah visiting his family instead and my father included him while saying grace "..and Lord we ask that you watch over our loved ones and those members of our family who couldn't be here today. Please watch over Steve and Jerry (his brother), and Dennis (my niece's father) as they travel to be with their families.."
I was so proud of him that day. Later.. I got to explain gender roles in societal expectations and how neither Steve nor I was "the woman". *grin*
Glad you have an ally there regarding your mom, and truth be known.. your folks almost certainly know but they didn't have the confirmation.
*BIG HUGS*
Re: Congrats!
Date: 2003-04-22 10:02 pm (UTC)Yes, I think that Mom may have an inkling, but she'll be way more in denial. It's going to be tough.
Thanks! Hug's you back!
no subject
Date: 2003-04-21 08:52 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-04-21 09:00 am (UTC)I hope you are very proud of yourself, because I know I am. Coming out to Dad is a BIIIIG thing...I think you did great.
no subject
Date: 2003-04-21 10:18 am (UTC)I will admit, I don't think I breathed much during the time I was reading your post; and when I got to the end, and realized everything was okay, a couple of tears sprang to my eyes for some reason. I like it when things turn out. :-)
no subject
Date: 2003-04-22 10:11 pm (UTC)Thanks!
Re:
Date: 2003-04-23 07:51 am (UTC)no subject
no subject
Date: 2003-04-21 05:20 pm (UTC)Congratulations!
Date: 2003-04-21 08:31 pm (UTC)no subject
Did he ever bring up the usual phrase, "There was always something different about you", or "Your mom thought you were special". Or was he totally blown away dumbfounded?
no subject
Date: 2003-04-22 10:19 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-04-30 08:08 am (UTC)Your entry made me happy for you, but sad for me. I envy you so much for your dad's reaction - that's better than I can expect from mine. I'd love to tell him I'm gay, but it just isn't in the cards.
But good for you. I hope you get to tell your mom someday.