The Trials and Tribulations of the not-so-New Bear Icon

A who's who of entertainers--from Tom Cruise to Tom Hanks to Tom Petty--has agreed to assemble Friday night February 2nd, for an unprecedented telethon on ABC, CBS, NBC and Fox to aid the victims of this weeks week's horrific Mooninite attacks in Boston.

The live two-hour event, called America: A Tribute to Paranoia, will "raise funds and raise the spirits of all who have been touched by the horrific tragedy that has struck America, but only caused a problem in Boston" according to a joint press release Tuesday from the four networks.

"America: A Tribute to Paranoia will seek to unite a shaken city with words and music while paying tribute to the indomitable spirit, unfaltering fortitude and courage that truly makes America 'the land where people can get scared by a guerilla marketing campaign,' " the press release reads.

As one of the night's stars, George Clooney says of the event, "We are shocked and our hearts go out to those who were kept in absolute terror by the appearance of these plastic and battery-powered devices. A telethon is just our way of trying to get back to normalcy." He said they hope to raise tens of dollars for the effected victims.

Billed as "an unforgettable and uplifting evening filled with music, memories, hope and inspiration," the event will be simulcast live and commercial-free on ABC, CBS, NBC and Fox from 9-11 p.m. ET and 8-10 p.m. CT (it will be tape-delayed in Mountain and Pacific time zones). In addition, the feed is being made available to all other broadcast and cable networks and radio stations, with the Bravo, CMT, E!, Style Network, The N and The Knitting Channel among those planning to carry the telethon. Turner Network stations have declined to participate.

The sheer star power is staggering. Participants will include Tom Cruise, Tom Hanks and Tom Petty, along with (in alphabetical order) Bon Jovi, Amy Brenneman, Jim Carrey, George Clooney, Sheryl Crow, Cameron Diaz, Celine Dion with Rosemary Butler, the Dixie Chicks, Robert De Niro, Clint Eastwood, Calista Flockhart, Dennis Franz, Kelsey Grammer, Faith Hill, Billy Joel, Alicia Keys, Larry the Cable Guy, Conan O'Brien, Ray Romano, Julia Roberts, Paul Simon, Will Smith, Bruce Springsteen, Sela Ward, Robin Williams, Stevie Wonder and "Weird Al" Yankovic, with more likely to be added in coming hours.

All funds raised by America: A Tribute to Paranoia will be earmarked for the post light-brite attack relief effort.



(This is all in fun, folks - don't take it seriously)

It's almost the close of another World AIDS Day.

As I've mentioned before, I've only been lightly touched by the disease, possibly because of coming out so late, and just not having the circle of friends that others had during the most difficult years. Of course the disease hasn't passed, and while things are more bearable in North America, that's not saying that this disease is not still exacting a terrible price across the globe. Many places are still quiet about telling their citizens how to protect themselves, or even details about the disease. Now education might be more difficult as attention turns to the disease of the season. Last year SARS, this year Bird Flu, next year, who knows?

I have friends who are living with HIV, I have known one person who has died from AIDS-related complications, a drum major in college. I hope not to lose more. For their sake and ours, I hope there's a cure and a vaccine, soon.

Still, with all the extra news stories and the attention payed to AIDS, i heard something I didn't ever expect to hear. President bust actually used the word "gay". While he was mainly focusing on his continued abstinence program (I'll save judgement for now) he did pledge to expand AIDS programs here and abroad, and praised the gay community for their continued work in battling the disease. Heck, how could we not?

Still, it's the actually the fact he used the word "gay" and not the more approved homosexuals. He's stayed away from "gay", let alone "lesbian" for his entire two terms since the conservative crowd doesn't like "gay". It's perceived as being too accepting of homosexuality and that just can't happen.

Of course the President had trouble pronouncing "condom".

one more little tale, a personal one. In my short time out, There's been a minor AIDS scare or two, besides finding out about one partner's status a while after, there was also the odd call I got one evening.

Now I do try to take precautions, either through practice or through prophylactics, but you know I prefer the term "safer sex" because you never know. Still, when I got the call, I was in a bit of shock. This guy was telling me that he had reason to believe that he might have been exposed, and that I might have been as well.

After the initial shock, I thought about it, and realized that it wasn't anything to be too alarmed about because we were both responsible, and I knew this person was of good character. I declined to ask him why he felt he may have been exposed, since it really wasn't my business. I thought at least he was honest, compassionate and responsible for calling me, even though he was still waiting on test results.

In the end it was a false alarm. My regular test has come back negative, and in begin in contact with him, so did his. A relief for us both.

Still, sex is risky business, and should be thought of that way, but we must all balance our lives between what we must be responsible for in life, and enjoy the true pleasures.

Today, remember, prepare and fight, hopefully tomorrow we'll be able to live freely

I went up to the seat, and jumped in. It was a tight fit, as I expected. I pulled down the restraint and tried to pull it as close and tight to my body as I could. I sucked in my gut tried to pull my shoulders down and waited for the attendant to come over and attempt to snap the the seatbelt connector together. Chris was trying to keep me up about this.

Chris and I had waited for more than an hour for this, our first ride. Just to get to the parking lot took another hour or so as we had to fight our way through the people leaving early from the Texans game, and of course, the famous Houston DeathRail train. While in line Chris got called from work twice, and the ride broke down once.

All during this time I was wondering if it was even worth it. Why spend your money if you didn't know if you could actually ride anything, well, anything worth riding. I remember a few years ago trying to get on a ride and being to big to get the restraining bar to come down.

I watched, looking for anyone else in line who had similar dimensions to mine, but didn't see anyone of similar hight and build. My height makes it tough with shoulder restraints.

So after waiting all of this time, not doing anything else in the park but wait for this one ride, we finally got up to our turn. After getting in and trying to press myself into every nook and cranny and pull the swinging chest plate from above me (the ride, the Serial Thriller, suspends you from seats as you ride along the tracks), one attendant comes over and tries to connect the belt, which comes up from your crotch and snaps to the bottom of the chest place. He can't do it.

Chris kept trying to keep me calm, but it wasn't that I was mad, but that I was just down on myself. Down that I hadn't done more since the last time to lose weight and prepare for this. Sad that on this, my last trip to the park, I might not be able to ride anything. Since I couldn't see the connector, Chris kept telling me it was close. In a way, that was worse than if it was several yards apart.

The attendant actually called over another person to come over an press the push the chest plate into me, pretty much kicking the air out of me. Still, in the end, it was no good, and I had to get off the ride and stand to the side. I could feel the eyes on me, as we were in the front seats. Chris was trying to comfort me from afar, but it wasn't his problem, it was mine. I had to leave the area and go out the gate.

Just when I thought Chris was going to ride the ride, they made them all get off, and put them back in line as they checked it, so we were stuck, he on the line side, and I on the exit side, waiting for another fifteen minutes as they checked the ride over. Chris finally did get to board the ride, and had a good time, but I felt awful that I didn't get to do it. Still, what was I going to do? I couldn't suddenly drop the pounds there in line, even thought I'm sure I lost some water weight.

They have extenders on airplanes, why not on rides?

We looked at lines for other rides. Long, very long. it seemed that lots of other people had come out to the park before it closes for good, just to get one last ride. We looked at Greezed Lightning...longest I'd seen that line since the 80's. With time of the essence and there being one ride I wanted to try, lard ass or not, I knew we needed to get in line for the Texas Cyclone.

We jumped in the line at the right time, plenty of people were getting out of line because it had broken down, much like the Serial Thriller did earlier. Still, the line took some 45 minutes to get trough and the sun was setting as we got to the car.

I sat don in the car, and already I overfilled the molded seat area, and it was a bit uncomfortable. Luckily they had changed the cars on the ride from the last time I was there, and took our a seatbelt and a shoulder restraint. There was just a lap bar now, and I pulled it down...nothing, it wasn't clicking and I was worried that once again I'd have to get up and leave.

Chris knew I was worried because I was not very talkative in line. The failure on the last ride was still on my mind. Still seeing that I was about to get up and get out, he told me that none of the bars were locking yet. Finally, the bar locked in, and I was elated.

The Cyclone took off and away we went. The ride was almost as good as it used to be, except that the cars are still not as loose as they used to be, but the drops and turns are fun and exciting. Chris remarked later on how happy I looked while on the ride.

We got off, and I kind of wanted to do it again. The line had gotten longer, and we really wanted to try something else before the night ended. Of course the ride we got in line for not only took an hour for the line, it also was another I wouldn't fit in, because a bar comes over at gut level. Still, two cars away, the ride breaks down, and the night was over for us, not only because it was late, but also because Chris was getting several calls from work needing technical support.

So, six hours, $42, one ride. Not exactly the greatest trade off, really. It was good to ride the Cyclone again and it was good to spend time with Chris, but I guess there could have been a better fit. I guess I'll need to be a few more pounds slimmer before I go to another park. If they ever build a new one in Houston, they need to supersize the seats, because I'm not the only one in this town, the one that's won the title of the Nation's Fattest City three times.

Luckily the weather was nice.