My Baby Sent Me a Letter...

[eggwards]

OK, that's overstating things, but it makes a better subject line.

A few weeks ago (I'd link to the journal in question, but I haven't learned how!) I wrote that I had written to John T - my long-distance friend - a whole letter about how I felt about his recent visit. He, hadn't written back.

The whole big problem was that I asked where I thought our relationship was going. There's a bit of an awkward situation here. John T was a bit of a hard-liner when I worked on joining the fraternity - the first time - while he supported my joining the frat (something I wouldn't know till later) the frat still voted me down that year. This built some animosity between me and them at the time. I later joined the frat and was glad that I did.

Still, I'm still getting used to John T in a whole new way. Back then, I didn't know he was gay, he didn't know I was. We both heard from someone else later on. I didn't even know he was interested in me until a few months ago, and things sort of lead to the bedroom.

I'm a little inexperienced - if you hadn't guessed, especially in the "how do these gay relationships work?" thing. I got way way to far ahead, anticipating that something more might be coming from this relationship than it is. Yes, I asked if we were just friends, fuckbuddies, or is there something more (love?)

Whew! Too fast right? After a couple of months - long distance style? When I didn't hear anything, I panicked, thinking I'd offended him, and that the whole thing was over before it had ever gotten going,

Well, I got an e-mail back.

He says that love is way to much to be talking about - especially with the long-distance thing (buzzword of this post), but "more than friends, less than loves" is where we're sitting right now. He's been working (overnights) and finishing up his college classes for the year.

I'm thrilled. I didn't fuck it up. I think. This has taught me a lesson, and I'm growing. I truly don't know what will happen, or if anything will come of this, but it's exciting.

Now if he was here instead of Austin...that would be great. It's cold and I need some one to cuddle with.

(*laughs* because spell check doesn't know "fuckbuddy"!)

Comments

[barak.livejournal.com]

*grins atcha* well, maybe good things will come if you can wait.

[eggwards.livejournal.com]

So I'm learning. I'm just glad that he's understanding!

[zen2475.livejournal.com]

I'm glad for you! Anything worth having is worth taking the risk. You were up front and honest with your feelings, which always takes a lot of guts, and always gets a lot of mileage in my book. I'm sure you're now much relieved now that you know where you stand. Hope it works out well for you....

[eggwards.livejournal.com]

Thanks! As I'm usually pretty shy, I do feel that I'm really taking a big leap. It's looking pretty positive now! Hooray!

[hylandr.livejournal.com]

Good luck and I hope things work out well. I'm no better off at the "how do these gay relationships work?" thing either so I can understand where you come from. (Which is part of the reason I posted those questions to my journal not long ago.) Take care and just see how things go.

[eggwards.livejournal.com]

Thanks! I'm starting to learn that there's strength in numbers.

I guess there's just a lack of good examples in the community, and I may still hold on to too many suburban ideas of "normal".

[dakoopst.livejournal.com]

Boy, do I know what you're feeling. I've only been in one relationship, which recently ended...and I still have very few clues as to how gay relationships work. I think, if I lived a thousand lifetimes and experienced dozens of lovers and partners, I still wouldn't be able to fully explain the complexities and confusion of two people trying to unite.

My ex believes that people are happiest in relationships (friendships, lovers, acquaintances) when they simply let the relationship develop without having to define roles, without having to set levels of commitment. He may have a point there (as much as I hate to admit it. ;) ) It's when we try to further define roles that we pigeonhole each other and fail to experience the full beauty of the other person.

So, hey...if you get around somebody you like, spend lots of time with them. If sex comes up, take it and be happy. Just let it flow, and maybe roles will define themselves.

I wonder if what I wrote was coherent at all..::grin:: This is what I get for writing at the end of the day.

[eggwards.livejournal.com]

The problem is, people define themselves outside of a relationship, then when they come together they think they can let go of everything they already are. (Whew, deep!) I would guess that it's better to come in honestly, stating this is who you are - you don't force the change for the relationship, you let the relationship change you.

And this is why people ask me for advice sometimes.

My problem is that I can't spend that much time with John T. Two different cities, different lives, and different time schedules (I'm days, he's nights). I'll try to do as much as I can to make it work.

Yeah sex is a plus! :-)