Propped Up
Nov. 5th, 2008 10:59 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
eggwardsI have some thoughts about the presidential election, but I’m going to save those thoughts for later. Right now I’m thinking about something a little more personal.
As a newly married man I’m more than upset about the loss of marriage equality in California. I’m sad that others won’t be able to experience the excitement that I did a few days ago – at least not for a few more years. Sadly, it was so close that you could almost taste victory. I don’t know what more could be done. I gave money to the cause, but in the end I feel very frustrated that I couldn’t have a say in the decision.
When we got to California last week Chris and I were constantly being told by people, friends and family that they were voting against Prop 8. It actually became funny as people at the reception for Chris’ father continued to tell us of their vote whenever it was said that we had just gotten married. It was a knee jerk reaction. I guess it’s similar to saying you are voting for Obama because you aren’t racist. I knew it wasn’t intended that way, but it was an odd way to show support for us as a couple. Surely no straight couple ever has to be told that the congratulator is voting against a bond issue or abortion notification or any other issue when announcing that they are newlyweds.
Again, no love lost with Chris’ family, I know they were being supportive, it was just odd.
The moment we got married it felt odd. There were lots of talk about how it was only applicable in certain states, and we joked about being in a quasi-legal status. I told my work and they are still researching whether I need to report the marriage or not. In Texas it’s as if it never mattered. Chris and I already talked about getting a lawyer and setting up several of the legal protections that are natural in California for us, but you can’t get all of the rights of marriage.
Funny, I didn’t used to care about this stuff. Sure, I want the right to get married, but I wasn’t too worried about the legal side of it, more the equality. Now with the difficulties I see Chris’ mother going through to try to reorganize finances and ownership and everything that had been in her husband’s name, and I realize how much harder it will be for Chris and myself should something happen, it seems to bring the point home.
What’s upsetting about the passage of Prop 8 is that all the same-sex marriages like mine now end up in some sort of twilight zone of existence. Sure, they exist, and at this point and at this moment the marriages aren’t being revoked, or converted to domestic partnerships (though I suspect there will be a challenge to do so), but at this point they will always be seen as an anomaly, or a curiosity. In the public eye they won’t be equal to a “traditional marriage.”
So now Chris and I and many others end up with a second class marriage. One that may be recognized in Massachusetts and Connecticut and maybe New York, but may or may not be recognized in the state it originated in. What a strange place to be in.
Now I’m sure that the people who congratulated us last weekend did go out and vote no on 8, and the millions of others who did were sincere. It was obviously the easier thing to vote yes and say that it didn’t affect you. Certainly the Yes on 8 people did all they could to try to make you feel that you weren’t an asshole if you voted for the measure, but I can’t help feeling that these people were strictly voting against us. It makes me think we’ve come a long way to come so close, but there are still miles to go. Hopefully the new federal administration will be able to pass ENDA. We need those protections.
(Oh, and thanks for all of the congratulations from all of you. I haven’t responded, probably because of the looming Prop 8 vote. I will rectify that soon.)
Chris’ family wants us to have a real reception, since the wedding was done so quickly and under such odd circumstances. It is nice to feel welcome in Chris' family and amongst their freinds. Chris’ mom is insisting on a honeymoon. I guess we’ll have to work on those. I'm not sure if we would have a reception here in Texas, in California or somewhere else
Chris and I talked on the phone last night (he’s still in Lake County with his mom) and said we need to look at rings when we get home since everything has happened so fast. Despite the crazy legal issues, and continued pressure from the majority of people in this country, I think we will always see ourselves as married from now on. Thanks California, for that.
As a newly married man I’m more than upset about the loss of marriage equality in California. I’m sad that others won’t be able to experience the excitement that I did a few days ago – at least not for a few more years. Sadly, it was so close that you could almost taste victory. I don’t know what more could be done. I gave money to the cause, but in the end I feel very frustrated that I couldn’t have a say in the decision.
When we got to California last week Chris and I were constantly being told by people, friends and family that they were voting against Prop 8. It actually became funny as people at the reception for Chris’ father continued to tell us of their vote whenever it was said that we had just gotten married. It was a knee jerk reaction. I guess it’s similar to saying you are voting for Obama because you aren’t racist. I knew it wasn’t intended that way, but it was an odd way to show support for us as a couple. Surely no straight couple ever has to be told that the congratulator is voting against a bond issue or abortion notification or any other issue when announcing that they are newlyweds.
Again, no love lost with Chris’ family, I know they were being supportive, it was just odd.
The moment we got married it felt odd. There were lots of talk about how it was only applicable in certain states, and we joked about being in a quasi-legal status. I told my work and they are still researching whether I need to report the marriage or not. In Texas it’s as if it never mattered. Chris and I already talked about getting a lawyer and setting up several of the legal protections that are natural in California for us, but you can’t get all of the rights of marriage.
Funny, I didn’t used to care about this stuff. Sure, I want the right to get married, but I wasn’t too worried about the legal side of it, more the equality. Now with the difficulties I see Chris’ mother going through to try to reorganize finances and ownership and everything that had been in her husband’s name, and I realize how much harder it will be for Chris and myself should something happen, it seems to bring the point home.
What’s upsetting about the passage of Prop 8 is that all the same-sex marriages like mine now end up in some sort of twilight zone of existence. Sure, they exist, and at this point and at this moment the marriages aren’t being revoked, or converted to domestic partnerships (though I suspect there will be a challenge to do so), but at this point they will always be seen as an anomaly, or a curiosity. In the public eye they won’t be equal to a “traditional marriage.”
So now Chris and I and many others end up with a second class marriage. One that may be recognized in Massachusetts and Connecticut and maybe New York, but may or may not be recognized in the state it originated in. What a strange place to be in.
Now I’m sure that the people who congratulated us last weekend did go out and vote no on 8, and the millions of others who did were sincere. It was obviously the easier thing to vote yes and say that it didn’t affect you. Certainly the Yes on 8 people did all they could to try to make you feel that you weren’t an asshole if you voted for the measure, but I can’t help feeling that these people were strictly voting against us. It makes me think we’ve come a long way to come so close, but there are still miles to go. Hopefully the new federal administration will be able to pass ENDA. We need those protections.
(Oh, and thanks for all of the congratulations from all of you. I haven’t responded, probably because of the looming Prop 8 vote. I will rectify that soon.)
Chris’ family wants us to have a real reception, since the wedding was done so quickly and under such odd circumstances. It is nice to feel welcome in Chris' family and amongst their freinds. Chris’ mom is insisting on a honeymoon. I guess we’ll have to work on those. I'm not sure if we would have a reception here in Texas, in California or somewhere else
Chris and I talked on the phone last night (he’s still in Lake County with his mom) and said we need to look at rings when we get home since everything has happened so fast. Despite the crazy legal issues, and continued pressure from the majority of people in this country, I think we will always see ourselves as married from now on. Thanks California, for that.
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no subject
Date: 2008-11-06 07:27 am (UTC)Regardless of proposition 8, a commitment was made. You're now part of a great family. Nothing can decrease the worth of your marriage, except for your own doubts.
When I read that you got married, I literally gave out a "squeee!" There is great joy to be shared when someone one respects, finds happiness.
Congratulations! May your days always be happy ones.
no subject
Date: 2008-11-06 02:44 pm (UTC)Thanks for your well wishes, and I enjoyed your post today!