Do You Need Your Parking Ticket Validated?

[eggwards]

One of the aspects of being a gay male means that you are looking for acceptance, socialization and even love from a group that's pretty much like you. Heterosexuals at least get to expand their group to a more diverse set of people, despite eHarmony's 28 dimensions of compatibility.

The rational part of my head says it's stupid to be looking for validation at a bear run, but deep down inside, here's a group of hot, sexy men all in one place, and all I really want to do is feel like I belong with them. I want to know that I'm good enough, handsome enough, entertaining enough to be one of them.

But yet I always feel like pulling away from the crowd. I like my personal space, and the hotel lobby just isn't a great place for it. I feel that no one is interested in my conversation, so I shut down, but yet, here I am wanting to be (lord help me I'm thinking of a Disney tune now) a part of the cool kids, the sexy kids.

I wish my head could give this fear up and just let me get on with it. Damn me and my tendency to overanalyze everything.

Comments

[eggwards.livejournal.com]

Thanks Larry! I know it can be difficult. Perhaps the desire to be popular is more of the disease in itself. Those who are not infected are the ones who come off as confident and popular themselves.

I worry that my fear of crowds and hard time putting myself out there makes me look haughty or stuck up. Nothing could be further from the truth, but I could see why people might think I'm being exclusive or hard to get. Personally I'd like more people to just come and talk to me, I'm just not the one to make the first move! I've got it in my head that i don't want to bother other people.

I wish I was as cool or sexy as all that!

I could tell you you need to take a chance, but that advice seems a little strange coming from me.