There's Some Kinks in This Hear 'Lection

The Texas Jewish Cowboy, on the campaign trail

Early voting has begun all across the country, and although we keep seeing the signs of change, still, it’s going to come down to who actually takes the time to go vote. Really, with early voting, it’s not hard to go this weekend and do your duty. I’m going to vote after I drop Chris off at the airport so he can go off to his weeklong cruise.

This year, for the first time, I’ll be voting a pretty much straight democratic ticket. There’s really nothing to like about Texas Republicans. Most are vain and ineffectual, if not downright dangerous. One of the more visible is our governor, Rick Perry.

Perry has the luck of being the guy who was second in command with George W was elected president. He’s actually been elected again, because our Democratic Party is more ineffectual than the Republicans, and many Texas, several who still have “W” stickers on their cars, can’t bring themselves to vote for anyone else.

Rick Perry is known for his hair. That and the fact that he’s presided over several special sessions of the legislature that still haven’t come up with a formula for school funding. This and he runs on an education platform certainly shows that the man has truly succeeded by falling up. Should he win this election, he will become Texas’ longest serving governor.

Sensing that the governor was somewhat vulnerable, there were several hats thrown into the political ring this year. There’s actually five people running for Texas Governor. One is a disaffected Republican comptroller that bills herself as “One Tough Grandma”. She found that she wouldn’t be able to be the Republican candidate, since Perry still has a humongous war chest of money to spend, so she decided to go independent. As far as polling goes, she’s looking to finish fourth, above the Libertarian candidate, pretty much killing her political career.

So that brings us to Kinky Friedman. The musician-author threw his cowboy hat into the ring over a year ago, and has run with the slogans, “Why not Kinky?” and “My Governor is a Jewish Cowboy.” He’s a Texan who seems to have a love of the state, and wants to rid the state of wimpy politicians like Perry. His independent campaign has been going on for a while, and unlike the Libertarian candidate, he was actually asked to the debate – the one and only debate, among gubernatorial candidates this year.

He funny. In fact, he’ll freely admit that some of his shtick is and act, an act honed when he was on the road with his band, Kinky Friedman and the Texas Jewboys. His redneck persona was actually made to try to make people uncomfortable as he sang songs like “They Ain’t Makin’ Jews like Jesus, Anymore” and “The Ballad of Charles Whitman” about the sniper who shot students from the top of the University of Texas Tower. Trying to empty an auditorium seemed to be a right good thing to do. His mystery novels are a little more low-key, but still carry an irreverence.

The problem is, a cigar-chomping caricature doesn’t sell well on the campaign trail. Kinky has been labeled racist, despite being in the Peace Corps in the 60’s, and appearing at the Grand Ole Opry with the first black band member to take the stage in the 70’s. Comments about the crime element added to Houston since Hurricane Katrina didn’t help either. Texan’s don’t mind a negative campaign ad, but a flippant candidate seems to rub them the wrong way. Just ask Clayton Williams, who was winning over Ann Richards until he decided to say that Texas weather was like rape, “as long as it's inevitable, you might as well lie back and enjoy it.''

Needless to say, Perry managed to tell a TV reporter “Adios, Mofo” when leaving a line of questioning he didn’t like, with little trouble. If only the late, great Ann Richards had been able to defeat George W. back in 1994 – well, we wouldn’t have any of the crap we have now, would we?

It’s too bad that being a little off color can get you smeared, if you’re not already in power. I would have loved to seen Kinky become governor. I think that his spirit would have been just the thing to shake up the status quo. Sure, he might never get anything done, given a mostly Republican legislature, but he wouldn’t have to. Just having a dissenting voice would be great. The Texas governor’s office is pretty weak to begin with, his biggest power is to be able to call the legislature to special session, and set the agenda that the legislature purely forgets as they try to draw up anti-lewd-cheerleading bills instead of school finance and property tax reform.

You have to like a guy who said, “I just want Texas to be number one in something other than executions, toll roads and property taxes." He had hoped that the Texas voters, especially the independents, would have liked the pollitically incorrect attitued and irrevent ideas that he would expose, like not only decriminalising marajuana posession, but nominating Willie Nelson to be his transportation secretary. (To Willie’s credit, Willie does sell biodesiel fuel at Texas truckstops, called BioWillie).

Kinky is languishing in the polls. In fact, the race is pretty much Governor Perry vs. the pack. While the governor is only polling at about 40%, he could still win the race. In second is Democrat Chris Bell, who was originally expected to linger in last place, but the recent resurgence in Democrats this year, and a good showing at the debates has raised his chances. If one were have to said that the Democratic candidate would have even been in the race at this time, even back in March when the primaries were held, well, people would have laughed. Of course, the Libertarian candidate didn’t even get invited to the party.

It’s with a heavy heart that I have to concede that Kinky has really no chance to take the governor’s mansion. As much as I’d like to vote for him, I can’t help thinking that the bigger goal is to get Perry, aka Governor Goodhair, out of office. Therefore, I’ll need to vote for Chris Bell. While even if I voted for Kinky, I still think I’d be voting fairly – my parents would say that I’d be throwing my vote away – I think voting for Bell has a greater chance for actually accomplishing the goal.

Luckily I like Bell. I thought he did a good job on Houston City Council, and a decent job in the US Congress until his district was gerrymandered away by Tom Delay’s redistricting work. He’s make a decent governor, but then again, so would the Grandma or Kinky. They just aren’t getting the excitement of the voters. Bell’s polling numbers still just place him as the best of the other four, but still far below Perry. It will again just depend on who comes out to vote.

I now vote in very Republican Collin County, with Plano and Frisco, so my vote will be lost in a crowd, but hopefully, statewide, it will mean something. Of course, Collin County is using those Dibold machines this year, so perhaps my vote won’t count at all.