How to Talk to Your Teens About S-E-X

Yes, this is totally, actually real. I probably should just link to it, but I'm going to go ahead and give you the actual text so you can feel the ickyness without actually having to touch Focus on the Family's website:

How to Talk to Your Teens About Sex

First, put a paper bag over your head. Then, speak slowly and clearly.

Ah, don't you wish talking to your teens about sex was an easy task? It's not, and there's no use pretending it is. However, it's critical that you do it. Don't believe the fallacies.


Experts say that discussing sexuality on an ongoing basis helps teens have a healthier view of sexuality and postpone sex until marriage.

If you don't talk to your kids, the only information they get will be from their uneducated friends, or the distorted media. So it's up to you to put on that smile and go for it.

WHERE

Not at a restaurant. You'll already feel a bit self-conscious talking to your teen without having any other potential eavesdroppers.

Most teens seem to be more receptive to talking about difficult things at night. Take advantage of this by "tucking" them into bed. Sit on the edge of the bed and begin. The dark room helps you as well.

Curl up on the sofa, pop a bowl of popcorn, fix their favorite beverage and go for it.

Break out the pool cues, the puzzle, the Scrabble game, the Ping-Pong table, the foosball … whatever gets you talking.

Be sure that nothing is planned for early the next day, that the phones are turned off and that there's little chance for interruption.

WHEN

When they start to ask questions. This can be at any age. When a child asks a specific question, answer the specific question. Don't evade it.

When my 4-year-old son asked, "What is a virgin?" (spawned by "round yon virgin" in the carol "Silent Night"), his father said, "I don't know." I told him, "Someone who hasn't had sex." He said, "Okay," and left the room without asking what sex was. Later he told me I was his primary source of sexual information because he knew I would always be straightforward with him.

When they are 13, 14, 15, 16, 17. If your teen hasn't asked you any questions by the time he or she is 14, set a time to talk.

Always. Talk about sex freely, openly and honestly in your home. Be the place where your teen comes for information first, or to check out information they've heard from their friends. Experts say that discussing sexuality on an ongoing basis helps teens have a healthier view of sexuality and postpone sex until marriage.


HOW

Often parents use available material as a way to begin. Some will use a news event, a movie or television show as a discussion starting point. Others might take a book like Just Like Ice Cream to discuss the choices someone else made. There are several good nonfiction books as well that speak frankly on the topic.

Ask your teen to give you written-out questions ahead of time. This will give you an opportunity to prepare.

Answer the questions honestly and forthrightly. However, do not answer personal questions about you and your spouse unless the questions involve concepts rather than specifics.


WHAT

In my research with high school girls, I discovered that sex ed classes taught many girls the functionality of sex but not the responsibility, and vice-versa. Either way, the results were often disastrous. Girls who had healthy affection from their fathers, as well as a balanced education of sexual function and responsibility were far less likely to become sexually involved.

Ask your teens to share with you the new terminology and the definitions. Get their input on how they feel about the new wave of oral sex, "hooking up" and "friends with privileges."

What about sleeping (without sex) with someone of the opposite sex?

What about being nude or partially nude with no intention of being sexual? Do they know of anyone practicing these?

Do they see any repercussions?

— Lissa Halls Johnson

Well, all of those kids are exactly the ones who have been praised in studies lately for taking vows of virginity, but yet still having oral and anal sex because it's a loop hole. They are getting their sexual instruction somewhere, and it certainly isn't Focus on the Family. It seems like their version of abstinence training means abstinence from actually talking about sex itself.

"Dear, being nude is pretty bad, alright dear? Please don't do that with anyone, especially not with someone of the same sex. I'm so glad we could have this little talk, Dear."

More truth through ignorance, and healthy affection from their fathers...yeah!

Still, there's something interesting about getting your child in the suggested darkened room to talk about sex - when followed about this very Christian line from the above - "Curl up on the sofa, pop a bowl of popcorn, fix their favorite beverage and go for it."

Yeah, Go For It!