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First love yourself...
Jan. 16th, 2003 09:04 amI was chatting with Randy, aka ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
lostncove the other night, and as sort of an outgrowth of our conversation about one of his upcoming projects, we got onto the subject of Christian outreach groups trying to reprogram (read brainwash) gays to be straight. I know that this comes from the concept that being gay is a choice, one to which I have come to recognize as malarkey.
Before I go a little deeper here, let me ask this question. Fundamentalists, what the heck are you trying to do? Are you so afraid of allowing diversity in your world that you seek to quell it, or eliminate it? Is this just continuing to try to save the world? If that's so, then you sure work to save from a high ivory tower, because you can't see that grace can come to even the lowliest person. I'm kind of agnostic at this point in my life. I believe in a higher power, or powers, but I'm really not so sure that one religion truly has the "one way" to commune with that power. While I still hold to many Judeo-Christian inspirations and ideals, as my boring Methodist upbringing would teach me, I'm not so sure they all knew what they were talking about.
I read on another person's website about their terrible experience of having been abducted by his own family in front of his lover and being committed, for being gay. His family felt that he must have been crazy, or possibly hypnotized by his svengali of a boyfriend. I guess they were so concerned that they had lost him to this terrible sin, that they had to attack him and put him away until he could be "saved". So what was the intention? Did they just not understand and were unwilling to do so, thereby working to force the change? Were they so afraid that he couldn't be saved (as in falling from God's grace) unless they intervened for his good? Were they just so concerned with their own self worth an opinion that they were ashamed to have a gay son? Some of all of the above?
If it means subscribing to a view that I don't subscribe to, convince me, debate with me, but don't ever try to force me. I'll have stopped listening before you can get the next sentence out.
Now, how this relates to my life, as no one has tried to abduct or change me, though I have been asked to justify my gay-ness before. ("You haven't done that much, are you sure?" and "you don't seem gay") It took a long time for me to get beyond the thoughts that I really like looking at guys, but geez, I can't be gay. I did the "It's a phase" thing for years. This also brought on the girlfriends phase. Then there was the "I'm gay, but nothing's going to happen, and no one's going to know phase. Which was followed by the awkward coming out to friends phase. Now I'm here. Unsure, riddled with questions, and scared, to some degrees, but I'm taking some steps. Baby steps sometimes, but steps nonetheless.
And no, I don't feel that I've fallen from grace. By opening myself up to friendship and love, I just may be saving myself.
lostncove the other night, and as sort of an outgrowth of our conversation about one of his upcoming projects, we got onto the subject of Christian outreach groups trying to reprogram (read brainwash) gays to be straight. I know that this comes from the concept that being gay is a choice, one to which I have come to recognize as malarkey.Before I go a little deeper here, let me ask this question. Fundamentalists, what the heck are you trying to do? Are you so afraid of allowing diversity in your world that you seek to quell it, or eliminate it? Is this just continuing to try to save the world? If that's so, then you sure work to save from a high ivory tower, because you can't see that grace can come to even the lowliest person. I'm kind of agnostic at this point in my life. I believe in a higher power, or powers, but I'm really not so sure that one religion truly has the "one way" to commune with that power. While I still hold to many Judeo-Christian inspirations and ideals, as my boring Methodist upbringing would teach me, I'm not so sure they all knew what they were talking about.
I read on another person's website about their terrible experience of having been abducted by his own family in front of his lover and being committed, for being gay. His family felt that he must have been crazy, or possibly hypnotized by his svengali of a boyfriend. I guess they were so concerned that they had lost him to this terrible sin, that they had to attack him and put him away until he could be "saved". So what was the intention? Did they just not understand and were unwilling to do so, thereby working to force the change? Were they so afraid that he couldn't be saved (as in falling from God's grace) unless they intervened for his good? Were they just so concerned with their own self worth an opinion that they were ashamed to have a gay son? Some of all of the above?
If it means subscribing to a view that I don't subscribe to, convince me, debate with me, but don't ever try to force me. I'll have stopped listening before you can get the next sentence out.
Now, how this relates to my life, as no one has tried to abduct or change me, though I have been asked to justify my gay-ness before. ("You haven't done that much, are you sure?" and "you don't seem gay") It took a long time for me to get beyond the thoughts that I really like looking at guys, but geez, I can't be gay. I did the "It's a phase" thing for years. This also brought on the girlfriends phase. Then there was the "I'm gay, but nothing's going to happen, and no one's going to know phase. Which was followed by the awkward coming out to friends phase. Now I'm here. Unsure, riddled with questions, and scared, to some degrees, but I'm taking some steps. Baby steps sometimes, but steps nonetheless.
And no, I don't feel that I've fallen from grace. By opening myself up to friendship and love, I just may be saving myself.
