Patience, or lack there of
Dec. 28th, 2004 08:27 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
eggwardsIn the wish to reinvent and get the hell out of Dodge - or in this case, Houston, I keep looking at opportunities as they come along. Recently I heard a story on NPR that the FAA was starting to do a massive hiring for new air-traffic controllers to replace those that had been hired after the great firing by President Reagan many, many years ago.
With this, there's a several years long training period, but there pay is supposedly good, and with government jobs, there's decent benefits and good job security, plus with Love Field and DFW, Dallas is a good place for jobs. I'm starting to look into this, but I'm wondering if I'm more suited for wanding than I am for being a traffic controller.
Just a few years ago, I was a pretty cool customer. Most people would say I was very levelheaded and patient. i could handle children well, I could take stress, but for some reason, this has been changing. I don't know if it's just that my outlets for getting out excess energy have changed, or my frustrations and responsibilities have grown, but I do seem to build up frustrations and go off at odd times more than I once did.
An example of this occurred over the weekend. Chris and I were heading off to go see a movie with some friends on Christmas Day, and we got caught behind , still needing to get some dinner before the show. Of course trying to get dinner on Christmas night is next to impossible.
We found a Jack-in-the-Box near the theater that was open and pulled in. there were people inside, and since I have to order special, I rather go in than talk to the box, so we head to the door, and it's locked. This is a bit frustrating, since we're already running late and i see that there's a line in there, and there's some people at the drive thru as well. We go around to the side and try that door as well. Also locked. The people inside are staring at us as I start shouting. There is no sign on either door.
I'm obviously making much more about that in that moment than I should have, and of course, looking at it now, it's embarrassing. I went on a tirade about it for the next few minutes, because I was mad that not everything was going exactly as I wanted, even though there was no real plan, but I was frustrated that there was a possibility that we would be late, which I didn't like. I was also hungry, and having to wait here in the drive thru, or somewhere else, wasn't appealing.
So here's Chris trying to calm me, which I know is meant with the best intentions, but it just reenforces how silly my behavior is, and increases my embarrassment later. Still, what else is he supposed to do? I've put him in an awkward position.
Obviously the restaurant could have handled their problem better by placing a sign up when they locked the doors (it seemed like there was one when we left the drive thru), and I could have done better. But this is in the past, and now it's too late.
The problem is, I have blow ups like this more and more. I keep stuff bottled up, and then at the oddest times, here comes a torrent of frustration that ends up in embarrassment. I manage to keep this away from my normal work in most cases, and I think that's because current work is just boring these days. The frustrations I can usually take elsewhere.
A couple of years ago when we had the big changeover to the new system, that was frustrating, and I remember having long periods where I had to leave the building for a half hour or more so i wouldn't get into big shouting matches.
Maybe I should take up boxing. Or wrestling.
Something tells me I should give up the thought of being an air-traffic controller.
With this, there's a several years long training period, but there pay is supposedly good, and with government jobs, there's decent benefits and good job security, plus with Love Field and DFW, Dallas is a good place for jobs. I'm starting to look into this, but I'm wondering if I'm more suited for wanding than I am for being a traffic controller.
Just a few years ago, I was a pretty cool customer. Most people would say I was very levelheaded and patient. i could handle children well, I could take stress, but for some reason, this has been changing. I don't know if it's just that my outlets for getting out excess energy have changed, or my frustrations and responsibilities have grown, but I do seem to build up frustrations and go off at odd times more than I once did.
An example of this occurred over the weekend. Chris and I were heading off to go see a movie with some friends on Christmas Day, and we got caught behind , still needing to get some dinner before the show. Of course trying to get dinner on Christmas night is next to impossible.
We found a Jack-in-the-Box near the theater that was open and pulled in. there were people inside, and since I have to order special, I rather go in than talk to the box, so we head to the door, and it's locked. This is a bit frustrating, since we're already running late and i see that there's a line in there, and there's some people at the drive thru as well. We go around to the side and try that door as well. Also locked. The people inside are staring at us as I start shouting. There is no sign on either door.
I'm obviously making much more about that in that moment than I should have, and of course, looking at it now, it's embarrassing. I went on a tirade about it for the next few minutes, because I was mad that not everything was going exactly as I wanted, even though there was no real plan, but I was frustrated that there was a possibility that we would be late, which I didn't like. I was also hungry, and having to wait here in the drive thru, or somewhere else, wasn't appealing.
So here's Chris trying to calm me, which I know is meant with the best intentions, but it just reenforces how silly my behavior is, and increases my embarrassment later. Still, what else is he supposed to do? I've put him in an awkward position.
Obviously the restaurant could have handled their problem better by placing a sign up when they locked the doors (it seemed like there was one when we left the drive thru), and I could have done better. But this is in the past, and now it's too late.
The problem is, I have blow ups like this more and more. I keep stuff bottled up, and then at the oddest times, here comes a torrent of frustration that ends up in embarrassment. I manage to keep this away from my normal work in most cases, and I think that's because current work is just boring these days. The frustrations I can usually take elsewhere.
A couple of years ago when we had the big changeover to the new system, that was frustrating, and I remember having long periods where I had to leave the building for a half hour or more so i wouldn't get into big shouting matches.
Maybe I should take up boxing. Or wrestling.
Something tells me I should give up the thought of being an air-traffic controller.
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no subject
Date: 2004-12-28 02:35 pm (UTC)I'm finding the exact same thing with my emotions, and I think it comes from one of two things:
1) Being hungry. NO, really. A couple years ago at the big VW get together we have in Ohio, I was trying to do some work on my car and snapped a bolt, and just about melted down..in front of half the Scirocco list. My friend Cathy handed me a plate of food, I ate it and *ting* Ms. Mary Sunshine. So maybe that's worth keeping an eye on.
2) Coming out. Yep. That's turned me into a HUGE big ol' emotional rollercoaster. Probably because I kept so much inside for so long because of that, now that the lid is off, my emotions run much more open.
So I don't know if this helps, or if this is what's going on with you, but perhaps give it some thought and see if any of this is what's maybe causing you to feel like this.
And eat something :)
no subject
Date: 2004-12-28 02:46 pm (UTC)Oh, and if "they" don't know already that you're a big, flamy homo... have a cookie. :o)
no subject
Date: 2004-12-28 02:42 pm (UTC)This has expressed itself as turning the radio up, or driving the speed limit on the highway, or letting people pacify me and relax (breathe) when they say I should. I pick a line at the supermarket and NOT look to see how the other lines are moving. In other words, I avoid the things that are known to fray my nerves. You have no choice but to wait in line or traffic, you might as well not exacerbate the matter by punishing yourself for picking the wrong lane.
I'm not good at it. I still fail and failure demands practice. Sometimes the best thing one can do is just inhale deeply through the nose and exhale slowly through the mouth. Shake it off, shake it off. It ain't easy but it can be done.
no subject
Date: 2004-12-28 03:34 pm (UTC)"Fucker!! just land the damn plane already"
...
CRASH!!!
...
"there.. now are ya happy!?"
hehe :)
no subject
Date: 2004-12-29 06:24 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-12-28 04:49 pm (UTC)*scamper*
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Date: 2004-12-28 04:52 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-12-28 07:21 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-12-28 07:27 pm (UTC)no subject
no subject
Date: 2004-12-29 06:22 am (UTC)Thanks Glen.