"His Name Is Chris, Mom."
Feb. 23rd, 2004 08:25 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
eggwardsA couple of weeks ago I left mom with the news that I was seeing someone. Last night as I was getting ready to leave after having dinner with the folks, I went to the bedroom where mom was to say good night, and mom asked me who was seeing? As it was already 10:00, and I needed to get back to Trevor, I started to think about stringing her along, as she asked a couple of questions.
Finally she asked, "So what's her name?" I took a second and said "Chris." She continued on, but the fact is, "Chris" could go either way. I thought about it for a second and said, "His name is Chris." Mom then asked what she did, and I replied, "He just got a new job, actually." She stopped for a couple of seconds to process the info. "Oh, so what does he do?
Well, she didn't scream, she didn't tell me I'm going to hell, and she didn't get mad. These are good things. I couldn't quite tell if this had crossed her mind before. I think it had, but she did seem surprised. I think she was happy to find out, especially when she asked me if Dad already knew. I told her that he did, and she said, "Well, that's surprising, he usually can't keep a secret. Your sister can, but not him." I laughed, and said that it was true, and I was surprised as well.
Mom started down the road of, well, it's your choice, and I firmly, but respectfully said, "No I don't think there's a choice there. It's not something I would have chosen. the choice is to accept it and move on. The choice is to live your life, rather than hiding." She pondered that for a moment.
We talked for a bit. We talked more that Dad and I ever have about the subject. Dad was in the living room, watching something on the History Channel. Mom kept going on as she usually does, I think she was trying to keep things normal. She got off the subject here and there talking about other things, and i went with it occasionally, sometimes dropping in bits that brought her back to the subject. I think she was nervous and not quite sure what to ask.
She actually told me who I should vote for in the Republican primary, stating that one of the candidates was a "crazy fundamentalist" who wanted women out of the government. I thanked her for that, and we talked about the whole gay marriage thing for a bit. now she sees a little more where I'm coming from on the subject.
Mom was glad that I was dating someone, and as she put it, "not in that lifestyle". I wasn't quite sure how to take that, so I kind of let it pass. There was a moment with Chris' parents were we talked about promiscuity, and I kind of stumble over it, as the thought of all the people from the last year rolled by in my head. This was not a topic I was going to talk about with the folks, on either side.
I think I would have run out screaming if mom had asked me if i were a top or a bottom. We stayed off sex.
I offered to show a couple of pictures of Chris and went to dad's computer and fired it up. I had to get to them through Live Journal, an showed her pics of Chris, Matty and Skye, and ones with them and my sister, to show that we all knew, and we've had a good time together. She approved of what she saw. Dad did not come in to see what we were doing.
Before I shut the computer down, I erased the history on Internet Explorer. I really don't think the parents are ready for my journal. Mom did mention that she'd like to meet Chris. I thought, well, that could be interesting.
I left after getting a hug from mom, and a grunt from dad, and immediately called Chris. I told him how it went, that mom stayed sane and thought it went pretty well. I also thanked him for helping me get to this point in my life. I also mentioned that I'd really like to hear the conversation between my parents now. It must have been an interesting night.
As for Chris meeting mom, well, I'm still a little scared. Laura kept her boyfriend from mom for a couple of years before finally introducing him. Dad had to act surprised, as he had to pretend he had never met Ed. It was another year before laura finally told mom that they had been living together for 2 years.
I told Chris to get with Laura and ask her about my mother.
My mother knows now. I'm out.
Finally she asked, "So what's her name?" I took a second and said "Chris." She continued on, but the fact is, "Chris" could go either way. I thought about it for a second and said, "His name is Chris." Mom then asked what she did, and I replied, "He just got a new job, actually." She stopped for a couple of seconds to process the info. "Oh, so what does he do?
Well, she didn't scream, she didn't tell me I'm going to hell, and she didn't get mad. These are good things. I couldn't quite tell if this had crossed her mind before. I think it had, but she did seem surprised. I think she was happy to find out, especially when she asked me if Dad already knew. I told her that he did, and she said, "Well, that's surprising, he usually can't keep a secret. Your sister can, but not him." I laughed, and said that it was true, and I was surprised as well.
Mom started down the road of, well, it's your choice, and I firmly, but respectfully said, "No I don't think there's a choice there. It's not something I would have chosen. the choice is to accept it and move on. The choice is to live your life, rather than hiding." She pondered that for a moment.
We talked for a bit. We talked more that Dad and I ever have about the subject. Dad was in the living room, watching something on the History Channel. Mom kept going on as she usually does, I think she was trying to keep things normal. She got off the subject here and there talking about other things, and i went with it occasionally, sometimes dropping in bits that brought her back to the subject. I think she was nervous and not quite sure what to ask.
She actually told me who I should vote for in the Republican primary, stating that one of the candidates was a "crazy fundamentalist" who wanted women out of the government. I thanked her for that, and we talked about the whole gay marriage thing for a bit. now she sees a little more where I'm coming from on the subject.
Mom was glad that I was dating someone, and as she put it, "not in that lifestyle". I wasn't quite sure how to take that, so I kind of let it pass. There was a moment with Chris' parents were we talked about promiscuity, and I kind of stumble over it, as the thought of all the people from the last year rolled by in my head. This was not a topic I was going to talk about with the folks, on either side.
I think I would have run out screaming if mom had asked me if i were a top or a bottom. We stayed off sex.
I offered to show a couple of pictures of Chris and went to dad's computer and fired it up. I had to get to them through Live Journal, an showed her pics of Chris, Matty and Skye, and ones with them and my sister, to show that we all knew, and we've had a good time together. She approved of what she saw. Dad did not come in to see what we were doing.
Before I shut the computer down, I erased the history on Internet Explorer. I really don't think the parents are ready for my journal. Mom did mention that she'd like to meet Chris. I thought, well, that could be interesting.
I left after getting a hug from mom, and a grunt from dad, and immediately called Chris. I told him how it went, that mom stayed sane and thought it went pretty well. I also thanked him for helping me get to this point in my life. I also mentioned that I'd really like to hear the conversation between my parents now. It must have been an interesting night.
As for Chris meeting mom, well, I'm still a little scared. Laura kept her boyfriend from mom for a couple of years before finally introducing him. Dad had to act surprised, as he had to pretend he had never met Ed. It was another year before laura finally told mom that they had been living together for 2 years.
I told Chris to get with Laura and ask her about my mother.
My mother knows now. I'm out.
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no subject
Date: 2004-02-23 06:28 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-02-23 06:31 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-02-23 06:31 am (UTC)Congratulations! This is a well-earned victory for you.
no subject
Date: 2004-02-23 06:32 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-02-23 06:36 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-02-23 07:07 am (UTC)It's such a big step for ya. I'm so glad it went by with but a whimper, and not a bang. Dude, I'm so happy for ya *hugs*. :)
And good call on not letting them know about Bear Runs and your journal. ;-) I don't know if any amount of "baby steps" would ever lead them there. Heh.
no subject
Date: 2004-02-23 07:08 am (UTC)Congratulations.
no subject
Date: 2004-02-23 07:15 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-02-23 07:21 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-02-23 07:28 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-02-23 07:51 am (UTC)Thank you for sharing...you've got me crying happy tears...
Congrats!
Date: 2004-02-23 08:02 am (UTC)and she got a chance to meet him twice - he lives
just a couple of hours away ... We're not a couple
or anything like that, but there's a definite mutual attraction.
Unfortunately, nothing like this ever surfaced
when my dad was alive and to this day I wonder
how he would've taken it. Knowing my father,
it wouldn't have been that nice. :-)
::hugs:: Sleep well, big guy. You've earned it.
no subject
Date: 2004-02-23 08:06 am (UTC)*hugs*
no subject
Congrats...
Date: 2004-02-23 08:17 am (UTC)Warning...she will most likely be nervous next time you talk to her, so be prepared.
At any rate...HUGE HUGS!
no subject
Date: 2004-02-23 08:18 am (UTC)Congratulations! *hugs* I'm glad it was a lot more low key than you were worried might happen... If your folks wind up having issues with your coming out you might suggest to them PFLAG.
no subject
Date: 2004-02-23 08:28 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-02-23 08:49 am (UTC)yayayyyyy
Date: 2004-02-23 09:25 am (UTC)congrats, glad it was a somewhat positive experience. remember tho... their parents, they'll still ask about grandkids....
hugs!
no subject
Date: 2004-02-23 09:33 am (UTC)Big guy, this is *excellent* news for a Monday morning that has already been going really well. Yay you! And hugs to your Mom, who sounds like she dealt REALLY well.
no subject
Date: 2004-02-23 09:49 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-02-23 10:21 am (UTC)You *must* be breathing easier now that you've lept that hurdle. I'm glad she didn't wig out on you as you had expected. Hopefully, she retains the coolness as the shock wears off.
Hey, since she's politically aware, go find her a PFLAG chapter to join! (evil grin)
no subject
Date: 2004-02-23 10:31 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-02-23 10:56 am (UTC)Sometimes we underestimate our parents...and sometimes we know them all too well.
no subject
Date: 2004-02-23 11:01 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-02-23 12:18 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-02-23 02:28 pm (UTC)That's a big step. I'm not entirely sure I'm ready for it myself....but glad it went well for you!
no subject
Date: 2004-02-23 03:10 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-02-23 03:16 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-02-23 05:25 pm (UTC)And yeah, I totally feel you on the sex thing. I still cringe whenever my mother attempts to bring up the subject.
no subject
Date: 2004-02-23 06:22 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-02-23 06:58 pm (UTC)I'm really, really curious to hear how your next interaction goes.
no subject
Date: 2004-02-24 08:33 am (UTC)This was a happy way to start off the week!
no subject
Date: 2004-02-24 12:52 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-02-24 10:52 pm (UTC)Good to see you're still around here, hope things are going well.
no subject
Date: 2004-02-24 10:51 pm (UTC)