eggwards: (Labeled Bear)
Chris told me a little detail tonight that made me blush a little bit. don't worry, the set up takes forever, because I'm telling this tale. Of course, the story will be even more embarrassing, and will probably give people some bad images of me, but heck, I'm game.

As we've gone on a few years, I find myself less and less able to conjure up sufficient imagery in my head to fantasize about. I'm blaming it on the increasingly easy to get material available to get off to. I, as many gay boys did, had to think of someone when masturbating, or we looked at the underwear section of the Sears catalog. Later I was able to get, and hide some Muscle and Fitness magazines, which gave me my interest in the musclebound set. In college I found Advocate Men, Colt Studio, and eventually Bear Magazine. These served me well, in my young, closeted life.

Then finally, we got the internet, and I no longer ever had to imagine up some image of a hot guy - pictures, many of them, were available night and day. there were many different types, and multiple sites as well. Everything was right at your fingertips. It's the continuing dumbing down of America, I suppose, but I'm not complaining.

So this brings me to the fact that I like laptop computers, because you can drag them to the bed. Yep, Where I once would be jostling a magazine with one hand, I now balance a laptop. One day I need to find a more hands-free operating device, as it ruins rhythm while you're scrolling or trying to change pictures.

Now since I've moved in with Chris, on a few occasions I've used his laptop for this purpose. This is mainly because my laptop is old, it doesn't keep a charge, and Chris' laptop has the bigger screen. Still, for those looking for a laptop for this use, wireless internet is very much your friend.

So I guess I have a habit of just closing the laptop when it's usefulness is over, without actually closing the websites I was visiting. Really, I guess I sort of forget about it, and with Chris, it's not like I'd be trying to hide the sites I was going to, as if my parents were around.

Well, normally that laptop stays in the den, just off the bedroom, but the other day, I noticed it was gone. Chris told me that he took it to work, and I thought nothing of it at the time. Tonight Chris tells me about opening it up at work and having to quickly close it because I had forgotten to clear the screen of the hot guys I was looking at the last time I opened it.

Consider me embarrassed. Not necessarily surprised, just embarrassed as I can imagine Chris seeing some big, likely undressed musclebear staring at him when he opened the laptop's lid. He told me that he quickly closed the lid and had to take it off to another area to close the browser windows.

He asked me why I had four or five windows open, with different content on each. I simply replied, "I was Multi-Tasking".
eggwards: (Default)
The word got out among my team on Monday. Now they were nice and kept it amongst themselves for a few days, not telling me until I was asking for agenda items for Thursday's meeting where I was going to tell them. Melissa, the gal who's super scared of hurricanes, asked if I was going to have an announcement. I deflected by saying, "what announcement would that be?" she then wouldn't say much more.

When I did tell them, they all seemed to know it, but they were nice about it, though I could tell that they were worried about the future, and they have every right to be. With so much change, and the specter of outsourcing on their horizon, nothing is stable anymore. I told them that I'm trying to finish my projects as much as I can, but wouldn't be able to finish everything, so I'll try to dole out what I can.

The team wanted to take me to lunch because two of them will be on vacation this next week, so Friday was their last day with me. We went out to Double Daves for some pizza and talk. My new boss came as well, and so did a few of the team members I've had in the past who were with me on the 20 person team I had at one time. One of them, Morgan, a supervisor in his own right, joked that he would be taking over the team, but we all knew that there was a kernel of truth to it. he might get the gig, and that would be fine.

Every one had questions on who would take over, and I mentioned that I didn't know, but I'm hoping that they will pick John, the brightest of the current team members, to take over. My new boss said they haven't even talked about it yet, and that sounded par for the course to me. The team was concerned that I wouldn't be there to train someone, and I said that the company just doesn't move that fast, and the burden will be on them to make sure the team works and the new person understands what the team's special responsibilities are.

I worry about them. I guess I shouldn't, and move on, but this has been such a part of me.

By friday the entire office knew, and I got tons of questions of where I was going and what would I be doing. Almost every comment was followed by "are they hiring?" or "I hope to follow you out the door." No one seemed to have confidence in their future with the company. I guess this makes me feel better about leaving. I already know of another supervisor who's leaving so I guess 2006 will have as many people leave as last year did.

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On the homefront, I'm living with a lot of boxes, and I'm trying to get as many things ready to go out the door as I can. I still need to get the kitchen packed up, but I do have another week of living here to go. All the CDs are in boxes, as are the DVD's and the incredibly large amount of action figures I have. Things have been stuffed everywhere in my small apartment, so it takes time getting everything out of the nooks and crannies.

Last night, I had a rather good time going through all of the porn. Yep, all the published porn that's in the house. there are many, many magazines, most purchased between 1985 and 2001, before my internet connection caught up with my need for hunky images. Besides the large outlay of money that I lament on now, I noticed that the choices I made weren't always the best, as I tried to find my taste in men, and of course the availability to get good magazines.

As many of my bear friends would tell you, finally finding the late Bear Magazine was a godsend, though the early issues were kind of grungy. Still, I have plenty of issues of Advocate Men and Colt and other things, like the First Hand readers. When you're single and closeted, it was how you got by.

Now I hardly look at these things anymore, so I'm tossing a lot of it out. I'm keeping the Bear issues, since that's more of a collectors item for me, but a lot of other things - especially the issues where there was only one hot guy, they are not coming with me to Dallas. Unless someone wants them, And I guess you'll need to be local, the big trashbag of porn is going to make the apartment dumpster very, very gay for a couple of days.

Oh well, I have to go take some unneeded clothing over to Goodwill. Maybe I should take the trashbag of porn to the Salvation Army.

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February 2013

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