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eggwardsThe wedding was Saturday. I drove up Friday night after work to my sister's house, finding out mid-way through that I drove to Dallas with a burnt-out headlight. Strangely, no one at the big accident scene between Centerville and Buffalo told me that my headlight was out, they just let me drive by the flipped GMC Jimmy. I didn't realize that the light was out until I pulled off for a pit stop later.
So Saturday morning started with a trip to the auto parts store, then a drop by the Apple store to pick up an iTrip FM transmitter for my iPod. My car, nor Laura's has a cassette deck, so the transmitter is the way to play tunes in the car.
I fought with the new headlamp for several minutes, but I was unable to change it because I couldn't get my fat hands into the space between the headlamp case and the damn car battery. I storm into the house, vowing to get the son of a bitch later. I wash up, and get ready to go, grabbing my suit and shoes for the wedding later. Laura and Ed come out already dressed for the wedding. I thought we would change when we got there since it was so damn hot. I didn't want to spend all of that car time in a suit.
Well dammit again, they didn't believe we would have time to change. Ed has a short sleeve dress shirt, Dockers and a tie on. I abhor short-sleeve dress shirts. I just think they seem dorky-if you wear them with a tie. They just seem like a cop out. I quickly change, long-sleeve dress shirt, dockers (from work yesterday) and a tie. Then I learned I had to program my darn iPod to use the iTrip. A couple of minutes of fiddling with the laptop, and I'm finally ready to go.
Three hours later we're in Abilene. Sings along the way pointed out that it was 100 degrees. Laura's new Honda Accord kept us pretty cool. We had a few minutes before the wedding, so we went to the Mall of Abilene. Boy, we were happy to visit, let me tell you. then off to the wedding site, the groom's grandparent's house, a 1950's ranch-style home in a quiet neighborhood.
We're greeted at the door by the bride and groom, totally breaking all sense of convention. Zack was clad in a tux, but Tracey was in a off the shoulder, lavender dress that was nice, but seemed more bride's maid than bride. We hadn't RSVPed, so our dropping in was a bit of a surprise. My aunt Suzanne, uncle Ron (who's the fundamentalist bigot) and cousin Shannon then came to greet us, as we were the only other family members for Tracey at the ceremony.
Zack's family is already a bit weird. His mother is all over the place, trying to serve you some thing. A beer perhaps? Loudly, she says, "We have an iced-down tub of beer on the porch, go help you to some! Isn't it HOT!?" We'll, I don't tend to drink before weddings, just call it safety thing, you never know what I'd do drunk. Also, I tend to stay away from the fine brew known as Keystone Light.
Just in case you were wondering, yes, Zack's father sports a mullet. Looked good with the tux.
Let's get to Zack, he's nice, tall and clean cut. He's just got his master's in English and is looking to get his Ph.D.. He knows he wants to be a professor, as he's already teaching at the University of Texas, and what the hell else are you going to do with a doctorate in English? Zack got most of the brains in the family, it appears.
Tracey majored in Scandinavian languages. Is there a high school that needs a Finnish teacher?
Outside in the back yard, which is quite spacious, and rather well manicured (with a victory garden), the rented white fold up chairs are arranged strangely. Since all of Tracey's friends took up the seats on her side, we had to sit behind Zack's family. I was behind grandpa, who looked really ready to go back and watch The Price Is Right special.
Shannon is the bridesmaid, Zack's brother is the best man. There's a few children, Zack's niece and nephews doing the flower girl and ring boy roles. The crowd of about twenty-five is in various levels of dress from suits to shorts. despite some shade trees, it's horribly hot. They've already told the minister to keep it short. He does. The dogs are running in the yard.
Zack, being the English major that he is, has 3x5 cards with his and Tracey's wedding vows. They read them, and their beautifully written, but lengthy. In the middle of his, Zack's mother yells out, "just get to 'I do', honey!" Yeesh!
Tracey cries during her vows, and she makes a joke and we all laugh. They get to the kiss (yes, there was some whooping and hollerin') and then leave to the sounds of the wedding processional music you're all familiar with.
Zack's cousin served as the Audio-Visual guy. As in he moved the stereo outside. Once they had gone back into the house, he pulled out a CD with about 5 or 6 remixes of Billy Idol's "White Wedding". Let the festivities begin.
The reception was also outside. Some people chose to change, so more shorts and T-shirts appeared. the music seemed to change between George Jones and Black Sabbath. Perfect.
Aunt Suzanne was held in check by Uncle Ron. This always happens. Suzanne's a really fun person, but Ron keeps a tight reign on her. He even controls the music she hears. We were out without Ron a couple of years ago and She heard some of my Barenaked Ladies music and liked it. I bought her a copy of the Greatest hits CD. I heard later that Ron destroyed it, since it wasn't Christian Music. Grr.
Ran decided to tell us about the guns he had bought for him and Suzanne, and he wanted to get with my dad about them. Sure, whatever. Then he said they had to go. they needed to be on the road, so they could get to the Napa Valley the next day. OK, so you're daughter just got married, and you need to run off on your vacation. Sure. Now we're Tracey's only family.
We hop into the coolness of the house, and start talking to a friend of Tracey's from college. she will be known as the Smartest Person at the Wedding. We were happy to get to know her, despite the political clash she and Ed had. We did have an interesting discussion about how history is subjective, only because you're at the whim of those who write it. If people chose to never write about World War I again, eventually it would disappear from the public consciousness. Interesting.
So the reception was beer, brisket and macaroni salad. the usual stuff happened, cakes, bouquet tossing. Nicely, there was no garter toss, so I didn't have to train the ring bearers to catch it. It was just too hot, so many folks retreated inside to beat the heat and watch game shows.
The whole group was a sweaty mess. Unfortunately I didn't have the sense to bring anything to change into. Thank God I didn't wear the suit.
We were thinking about leaving, but we were waiting for Shannon to return from the hotel, changing into something more comfortable. Zack's mother insisted that they open presents like it was some kind of birthday party. Do you ever open wedding presents in front of the guests? i don't think so. Still, it's fun to see that they got more than on George Forman Grill.
Shannon returns with her new boy-toy Jor-El. Now I don't know if the spelling is correct, so it might be Jorell or something, but when I heard it, all I could think of is Superman's father. Jor-El thinks he's super-cool, with his leather wristbands, skinny white tie and last-year's Jack Osborne spiky hair (you know, that kind of noncommittal mohawk thing. apparently jor-El wasn't welcome at the wedding. Shannon, who was married last year to Darren, promptly left him and fled Texas with Jor-El for Phoenix. I was expecting a Jerry Springer style smack-down to commence.
It was definitely time to leave Abilene. We said our goodbyes and left for dinner. We would have gone faster, since Laura and I were quite done with the place, but Ed had to talk to all sorts of people. We practically had to drag him out. Laura had a headache and I was ready to fall asleep-the futon didn't do me any favors the night before.
Oh, and one more thing, apparently mixing tequila with 7-Up is called a "Poloma". Zack should know, he had about 5 tumblers of them before we left. Bodes well for the honeymoon.
So Saturday morning started with a trip to the auto parts store, then a drop by the Apple store to pick up an iTrip FM transmitter for my iPod. My car, nor Laura's has a cassette deck, so the transmitter is the way to play tunes in the car.
I fought with the new headlamp for several minutes, but I was unable to change it because I couldn't get my fat hands into the space between the headlamp case and the damn car battery. I storm into the house, vowing to get the son of a bitch later. I wash up, and get ready to go, grabbing my suit and shoes for the wedding later. Laura and Ed come out already dressed for the wedding. I thought we would change when we got there since it was so damn hot. I didn't want to spend all of that car time in a suit.
Well dammit again, they didn't believe we would have time to change. Ed has a short sleeve dress shirt, Dockers and a tie on. I abhor short-sleeve dress shirts. I just think they seem dorky-if you wear them with a tie. They just seem like a cop out. I quickly change, long-sleeve dress shirt, dockers (from work yesterday) and a tie. Then I learned I had to program my darn iPod to use the iTrip. A couple of minutes of fiddling with the laptop, and I'm finally ready to go.
Three hours later we're in Abilene. Sings along the way pointed out that it was 100 degrees. Laura's new Honda Accord kept us pretty cool. We had a few minutes before the wedding, so we went to the Mall of Abilene. Boy, we were happy to visit, let me tell you. then off to the wedding site, the groom's grandparent's house, a 1950's ranch-style home in a quiet neighborhood.
We're greeted at the door by the bride and groom, totally breaking all sense of convention. Zack was clad in a tux, but Tracey was in a off the shoulder, lavender dress that was nice, but seemed more bride's maid than bride. We hadn't RSVPed, so our dropping in was a bit of a surprise. My aunt Suzanne, uncle Ron (who's the fundamentalist bigot) and cousin Shannon then came to greet us, as we were the only other family members for Tracey at the ceremony.
Zack's family is already a bit weird. His mother is all over the place, trying to serve you some thing. A beer perhaps? Loudly, she says, "We have an iced-down tub of beer on the porch, go help you to some! Isn't it HOT!?" We'll, I don't tend to drink before weddings, just call it safety thing, you never know what I'd do drunk. Also, I tend to stay away from the fine brew known as Keystone Light.
Just in case you were wondering, yes, Zack's father sports a mullet. Looked good with the tux.
Let's get to Zack, he's nice, tall and clean cut. He's just got his master's in English and is looking to get his Ph.D.. He knows he wants to be a professor, as he's already teaching at the University of Texas, and what the hell else are you going to do with a doctorate in English? Zack got most of the brains in the family, it appears.
Tracey majored in Scandinavian languages. Is there a high school that needs a Finnish teacher?
Outside in the back yard, which is quite spacious, and rather well manicured (with a victory garden), the rented white fold up chairs are arranged strangely. Since all of Tracey's friends took up the seats on her side, we had to sit behind Zack's family. I was behind grandpa, who looked really ready to go back and watch The Price Is Right special.
Shannon is the bridesmaid, Zack's brother is the best man. There's a few children, Zack's niece and nephews doing the flower girl and ring boy roles. The crowd of about twenty-five is in various levels of dress from suits to shorts. despite some shade trees, it's horribly hot. They've already told the minister to keep it short. He does. The dogs are running in the yard.
Zack, being the English major that he is, has 3x5 cards with his and Tracey's wedding vows. They read them, and their beautifully written, but lengthy. In the middle of his, Zack's mother yells out, "just get to 'I do', honey!" Yeesh!
Tracey cries during her vows, and she makes a joke and we all laugh. They get to the kiss (yes, there was some whooping and hollerin') and then leave to the sounds of the wedding processional music you're all familiar with.
Zack's cousin served as the Audio-Visual guy. As in he moved the stereo outside. Once they had gone back into the house, he pulled out a CD with about 5 or 6 remixes of Billy Idol's "White Wedding". Let the festivities begin.
The reception was also outside. Some people chose to change, so more shorts and T-shirts appeared. the music seemed to change between George Jones and Black Sabbath. Perfect.
Aunt Suzanne was held in check by Uncle Ron. This always happens. Suzanne's a really fun person, but Ron keeps a tight reign on her. He even controls the music she hears. We were out without Ron a couple of years ago and She heard some of my Barenaked Ladies music and liked it. I bought her a copy of the Greatest hits CD. I heard later that Ron destroyed it, since it wasn't Christian Music. Grr.
Ran decided to tell us about the guns he had bought for him and Suzanne, and he wanted to get with my dad about them. Sure, whatever. Then he said they had to go. they needed to be on the road, so they could get to the Napa Valley the next day. OK, so you're daughter just got married, and you need to run off on your vacation. Sure. Now we're Tracey's only family.
We hop into the coolness of the house, and start talking to a friend of Tracey's from college. she will be known as the Smartest Person at the Wedding. We were happy to get to know her, despite the political clash she and Ed had. We did have an interesting discussion about how history is subjective, only because you're at the whim of those who write it. If people chose to never write about World War I again, eventually it would disappear from the public consciousness. Interesting.
So the reception was beer, brisket and macaroni salad. the usual stuff happened, cakes, bouquet tossing. Nicely, there was no garter toss, so I didn't have to train the ring bearers to catch it. It was just too hot, so many folks retreated inside to beat the heat and watch game shows.
The whole group was a sweaty mess. Unfortunately I didn't have the sense to bring anything to change into. Thank God I didn't wear the suit.
We were thinking about leaving, but we were waiting for Shannon to return from the hotel, changing into something more comfortable. Zack's mother insisted that they open presents like it was some kind of birthday party. Do you ever open wedding presents in front of the guests? i don't think so. Still, it's fun to see that they got more than on George Forman Grill.
Shannon returns with her new boy-toy Jor-El. Now I don't know if the spelling is correct, so it might be Jorell or something, but when I heard it, all I could think of is Superman's father. Jor-El thinks he's super-cool, with his leather wristbands, skinny white tie and last-year's Jack Osborne spiky hair (you know, that kind of noncommittal mohawk thing. apparently jor-El wasn't welcome at the wedding. Shannon, who was married last year to Darren, promptly left him and fled Texas with Jor-El for Phoenix. I was expecting a Jerry Springer style smack-down to commence.
It was definitely time to leave Abilene. We said our goodbyes and left for dinner. We would have gone faster, since Laura and I were quite done with the place, but Ed had to talk to all sorts of people. We practically had to drag him out. Laura had a headache and I was ready to fall asleep-the futon didn't do me any favors the night before.
Oh, and one more thing, apparently mixing tequila with 7-Up is called a "Poloma". Zack should know, he had about 5 tumblers of them before we left. Bodes well for the honeymoon.
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Date: 2003-06-03 07:52 am (UTC)Maybe she could teach at a "Finnishing" school?
Heh heh heh...
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"You can't afford no rig/You can't afford no ring/I shouldn't be wearin' white/And you can't afford no ring..."
"You finally took my hand/You finally took my hand/It took a nip of gin/But you finally took my hand..."
"Mama don't approve/Mama don't approve/Daddy says he's the best in town/And mama don't approve..."
And lastly: "The baby's on its way/The baby's on its way/Say I do and kiss me quick/The baby's on its way..."
And yeah, I attended a wedding like that once...my brother's. *EG* Stood up for him, too.