Unexpected
Oct. 27th, 2008 10:01 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
eggwardsChris' father died suddenly and unexpectedly on Saturday. Chris has
been working on plans to go to be with his mother in California and helping with the finances, which his father took care of. It's come as quite a shock.
While Chris will be gone for a week or so, I'm trying to figure out
about going out there for a couple of days to attend the service.
We've already found that bereavement fares for the airlines aren't really worth anything, and I wouldn't qualify for them anyway.
Chris' parents have been very good about making me feel like one of the family, so I want to repay that by being there during this
difficult moment. While I don't have to be there for the family
business, I have already given Chris some information on how to begin moving family finances into his mother's name.
It's an odd thing, but as we are going through things, and making plans for this weekend it becomes blazingly clear that we aren't
married, and the difficulties of that situation. I have to go to
work today and see if I can get a few days off to go out to California. I've never made a big deal about my relationship at work, so I don't know what hurdles I'll need to go through, especially when we are busy and it's hard to take time off. Yes, Chris is my beneficiary and my emergency contact, but we don't take domestic partner benefits or anything, so it's not like there's a lot of evidence to go on. I doubt I'll get bereavement pay, but hopefully they will let me use some vacation days I still have.
I remember a few years back having to work with HR at an older employer to get bereavement pay for Big Ed when his partner suddenly passed away. It was interesting as the HR department hadn't dealt with the situation before.
It's one of those things where it makes me think about the No on Prop
8 fight in California and how important it is. I wish we could vote while we are out there, just to help the cause. Both Chris and I have donated, doing out part, I guess.
We did talk about the fact that since we would be in California this weekend, should we look into getting married? It might be the last week, you know. Still, I think we came to the conclusion that though we'd be fine with marrying each other, to just run to do it for some deadline wasn't really the right thing, and it doesn't change anything for us - especially here in Texas. Besides, we can still get married in Massachusetts or Connecticut.
Since California doesn't have early voting, this still could be a good moment for Chris and I to do a little No on 8 testimony with his family - just by being there. Nothing obnoxious or overt, just us being ourselves.
I've never had to buy airline tickets this close to when I'm going to
fly. It's difficult to find something good! Right now I'm looking
to go out Friday and return Monday - probably making it more expensive, but I don't know what I can take off yet. Does anyone have some airline booking tricks up their sleeve?
I'm doing what I can for Chris, but I think he's still in shock and it will likely be that way until he gets on that plane and is actually heading home. That makes me sad because I can't be there for him on
that flight. It's odd, because I thought we'd be going to my
father's funeral before his, but life is strange, as always.
been working on plans to go to be with his mother in California and helping with the finances, which his father took care of. It's come as quite a shock.
While Chris will be gone for a week or so, I'm trying to figure out
about going out there for a couple of days to attend the service.
We've already found that bereavement fares for the airlines aren't really worth anything, and I wouldn't qualify for them anyway.
Chris' parents have been very good about making me feel like one of the family, so I want to repay that by being there during this
difficult moment. While I don't have to be there for the family
business, I have already given Chris some information on how to begin moving family finances into his mother's name.
It's an odd thing, but as we are going through things, and making plans for this weekend it becomes blazingly clear that we aren't
married, and the difficulties of that situation. I have to go to
work today and see if I can get a few days off to go out to California. I've never made a big deal about my relationship at work, so I don't know what hurdles I'll need to go through, especially when we are busy and it's hard to take time off. Yes, Chris is my beneficiary and my emergency contact, but we don't take domestic partner benefits or anything, so it's not like there's a lot of evidence to go on. I doubt I'll get bereavement pay, but hopefully they will let me use some vacation days I still have.
I remember a few years back having to work with HR at an older employer to get bereavement pay for Big Ed when his partner suddenly passed away. It was interesting as the HR department hadn't dealt with the situation before.
It's one of those things where it makes me think about the No on Prop
8 fight in California and how important it is. I wish we could vote while we are out there, just to help the cause. Both Chris and I have donated, doing out part, I guess.
We did talk about the fact that since we would be in California this weekend, should we look into getting married? It might be the last week, you know. Still, I think we came to the conclusion that though we'd be fine with marrying each other, to just run to do it for some deadline wasn't really the right thing, and it doesn't change anything for us - especially here in Texas. Besides, we can still get married in Massachusetts or Connecticut.
Since California doesn't have early voting, this still could be a good moment for Chris and I to do a little No on 8 testimony with his family - just by being there. Nothing obnoxious or overt, just us being ourselves.
I've never had to buy airline tickets this close to when I'm going to
fly. It's difficult to find something good! Right now I'm looking
to go out Friday and return Monday - probably making it more expensive, but I don't know what I can take off yet. Does anyone have some airline booking tricks up their sleeve?
I'm doing what I can for Chris, but I think he's still in shock and it will likely be that way until he gets on that plane and is actually heading home. That makes me sad because I can't be there for him on
that flight. It's odd, because I thought we'd be going to my
father's funeral before his, but life is strange, as always.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
OMG I am so sorry to hear about his dad's passing
Date: 2008-10-27 03:09 pm (UTC)big hugs to you and Chris and Mom too!
Please let me know when/ where the services are, I would like to send some flowers!
BIG HUGS!
no subject
Date: 2008-10-27 03:18 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-10-27 03:19 pm (UTC)What you bring up is a very good point and something I think of often. Keith and I have talked about this, and he doesn't want to get married until its legal in Minnesota. I worry about situations like this myself.
Hang in there...
no subject
Date: 2008-10-27 03:26 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-10-27 03:33 pm (UTC)AirFare - I use http://www.farecast.com to track and find low fares. It will allow to search across a few of the travel search engines as well.
I would also give http://www.priceline.com a shot. Sometimes you can get a good deal on there for last minute stuff.
no subject
Date: 2008-10-27 03:44 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-10-27 03:45 pm (UTC)Good luck.
no subject
Date: 2008-10-27 03:48 pm (UTC)Re: finding last-minute low fares
I concur with
no subject
Date: 2008-10-27 04:37 pm (UTC)My condolences to Chris, his family, and you.
Do what you can. There may be a lot of numbness now, but when that begins to ebb (and flow), Chris and hid family will remember your love and support during this time of loss.
no subject
Date: 2008-10-27 05:21 pm (UTC)You bring up a really good point though regarding the difficulties with defining same-sex relationships in the eyes of the courts and settlement of estates.
When Bob died we were hit hard watching Joe go through the turmoil of having a spouse without a will or trust. Even though California domestic partnership provides the same protections as marriage he still had to go through the agony of dividing up his partner's estate, picking an executor, and trying to come to a reasonable resolution for all the debts and responsibilities.
By the summer of that year we had our powers of attorney, living wills, deed of joint tenancy, and life insurance documents completed with the help of a local lesbian attorney who specializes in protecting same-sex couples.
Now, regardless of what some 'phobe in some office of power wants to attempt, we both have irrefutable documentation showing who we are to one another and how we want our estates and benefits handled upon our passing, right down to who gets my comic book collection. :)
The sense of relief when we watched the notary apply her seal and signature to those bits of paper was tremendous.
no subject
Date: 2008-10-27 05:31 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-10-27 05:54 pm (UTC)Big Hugs!
Date: 2008-10-27 09:10 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-10-27 09:50 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-10-27 11:15 pm (UTC)Give my best condolences to Chris
no subject
Date: 2008-10-28 12:16 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-10-28 02:19 am (UTC)Hugs ...
Our sympathies
Date: 2008-10-28 02:47 am (UTC)Hugs!
no subject
Date: 2008-10-28 02:50 am (UTC)*hugs to you and yours*
no subject
Date: 2008-10-28 03:30 am (UTC)Re: OMG I am so sorry to hear about his dad's passing
Date: 2008-10-28 12:59 pm (UTC)Services look to be Saturday. I don't have any details about where just yet, but I think it will be in Lake County. I'll let you know when I find out.
Thanks for your thoughts.
no subject
Date: 2008-10-28 12:59 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-10-28 01:03 pm (UTC)Yeah, I think we need to look at more of the legal aspects that would be required in Texas, since it's going to be ages before marriage is legal here. I guess that's what makes getting married in CA a moot point. It doesn't change our relationship and it doesn't add anything legally, so I think we can wait. It could be kind of nice, though. Hmm.
no subject
Date: 2008-10-28 01:04 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-10-28 01:07 pm (UTC)I'm matching Chris flight tomorrow - he found a pretty good deal on US Air - hopefully that doesn't mean the airline will go under in the next week. I return on Sunday, Chris will be staying longer to help his mother.