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2004: The Personal View - Just go already
Jan. 4th, 2005 08:14 amYeah, I know, this is coming a few days late, but then again, I think 2004 really didn't start until after I went to to Tucson, anyway. Fiesta sort of ended the year of discovery that was 2003. Now just a short time before attending another run I'm looking back at the year gone by, more so to drop it in a drawer, than to praise it.
Looking at a lot of people's recollections of the year, it seems that that the year was more melancholy than great, maybe due to the polarized nature of it, and the hopes and dreams of it that seemed to go unfulfilled. After coming off of such a wonderful year prior, I felt that there was so much promise in the air, but 2004 seemed so stagnant.
It started with one of the biggest career wins for me, the publication of my article not only in the Houston Chronicle, but also being picked up by Margaret Cho's blog. That was incredible. I never spoke to Ms. Cho, or got free tickets, but you know, that's fine. It was the biggest thing I'd ever done in my writing career. I tried following it up a few times, but wasn't able to make much of a splash. I feel my writing later in the year has suffered, but hopefully I'll get inspired in 2005.
My job took several strange turns, breaking down my old team, losing my old boss, and gaining Lisa, the food-on-a-stick hating harpy. I got a new assignment, one that is completely boring, because the product my group services doesn't sell, so I'm constantly having to find busy work for my bombed-out group of people. They're unhappy and so am I. There was a challenge that was interesting, but that's over, now the challenge is going into work every day.
It's funny, next week I'll have a job interview at my current work for a manager's spot that would put me on par with Lisa, and I have to get motivated for it, and it's hard, since I know it's still in the same area, and still uninspiring (and it isn't Dallas). I so want to totally re-invent myself right now it's not funny. I just haven't a clue how to do it...at all.
The actual Dallas job hunt was looking good a few months ago as I was getting interviews, but now several sent resumes later, after the summer, the interview calls stopped. Something changed, and I can't figure out what happened that made me less marketable. I'm not sure if it's where I'm looking, or what I'm sending. I'll have to keep working on that. Hopefully that will change in 2005 as well.
Friends continued to grow and get closer, as I met more and more people. In Houston I met a few more people, including Kip who's a wonderful guy and he's great to hang out with, and and in Dallas, in watching Chris with the TCC, I've become a TCC widow, with some of the members recognizing me when I'm around. There's more online friends as well.
Chris continues to be a great guy, and even thought I'd like to be there all the time, 2004 didn't make that possible, which was a major disappointment. We keep talking, and let me tell you, it does all hinge on communication, as I'm learning. It's harder than I ever thought. Still, I'm in deep. Deeper than I ever thought.
And that brings me to my last thought for the past year. Darkness. I guess that 2004 has really shown me some of the darker parts of myself. I won't say I've learned things, but I've certainly been shown that I have some streaks that need to be dealt with in the coming year. Some definite problems. I need to learn to be more assertive without being overbearing, for when I bottle up what I want, it tends to become a problem later on, and only makes me mad later. That's what tends to cause the outbursts at parties and odd times.
I tend to get moody, and mean spirited, and pull away. Then I also blame myself for everything, including feeling that taking that blame, I'll make everything better for others. I guess it's an odd way of trying to be good, but as I'm finding out, it only makes you feel worse later on.
So, let's move on. 2004 wasn't a winner, and 2005 brings only promise, right? we can make our dreams come true, they say, and so my dreams are to reinvent myself, be more creative again, and to find a way to get to where I want in my relationship. Hopefully that's not too much to ask.
Hopefully 2005 will find a better-adjusted me.
Looking at a lot of people's recollections of the year, it seems that that the year was more melancholy than great, maybe due to the polarized nature of it, and the hopes and dreams of it that seemed to go unfulfilled. After coming off of such a wonderful year prior, I felt that there was so much promise in the air, but 2004 seemed so stagnant.
It started with one of the biggest career wins for me, the publication of my article not only in the Houston Chronicle, but also being picked up by Margaret Cho's blog. That was incredible. I never spoke to Ms. Cho, or got free tickets, but you know, that's fine. It was the biggest thing I'd ever done in my writing career. I tried following it up a few times, but wasn't able to make much of a splash. I feel my writing later in the year has suffered, but hopefully I'll get inspired in 2005.
My job took several strange turns, breaking down my old team, losing my old boss, and gaining Lisa, the food-on-a-stick hating harpy. I got a new assignment, one that is completely boring, because the product my group services doesn't sell, so I'm constantly having to find busy work for my bombed-out group of people. They're unhappy and so am I. There was a challenge that was interesting, but that's over, now the challenge is going into work every day.
It's funny, next week I'll have a job interview at my current work for a manager's spot that would put me on par with Lisa, and I have to get motivated for it, and it's hard, since I know it's still in the same area, and still uninspiring (and it isn't Dallas). I so want to totally re-invent myself right now it's not funny. I just haven't a clue how to do it...at all.
The actual Dallas job hunt was looking good a few months ago as I was getting interviews, but now several sent resumes later, after the summer, the interview calls stopped. Something changed, and I can't figure out what happened that made me less marketable. I'm not sure if it's where I'm looking, or what I'm sending. I'll have to keep working on that. Hopefully that will change in 2005 as well.
Friends continued to grow and get closer, as I met more and more people. In Houston I met a few more people, including Kip who's a wonderful guy and he's great to hang out with, and and in Dallas, in watching Chris with the TCC, I've become a TCC widow, with some of the members recognizing me when I'm around. There's more online friends as well.
Chris continues to be a great guy, and even thought I'd like to be there all the time, 2004 didn't make that possible, which was a major disappointment. We keep talking, and let me tell you, it does all hinge on communication, as I'm learning. It's harder than I ever thought. Still, I'm in deep. Deeper than I ever thought.
And that brings me to my last thought for the past year. Darkness. I guess that 2004 has really shown me some of the darker parts of myself. I won't say I've learned things, but I've certainly been shown that I have some streaks that need to be dealt with in the coming year. Some definite problems. I need to learn to be more assertive without being overbearing, for when I bottle up what I want, it tends to become a problem later on, and only makes me mad later. That's what tends to cause the outbursts at parties and odd times.
I tend to get moody, and mean spirited, and pull away. Then I also blame myself for everything, including feeling that taking that blame, I'll make everything better for others. I guess it's an odd way of trying to be good, but as I'm finding out, it only makes you feel worse later on.
So, let's move on. 2004 wasn't a winner, and 2005 brings only promise, right? we can make our dreams come true, they say, and so my dreams are to reinvent myself, be more creative again, and to find a way to get to where I want in my relationship. Hopefully that's not too much to ask.
Hopefully 2005 will find a better-adjusted me.
