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Ugh. Tossing and turning and I can't sleep tonight. Too much in my head, and too little happening this weekend. I was such a hermit. The continuing saga of Captain Anti-Social.
Too bad I offered to work today. I'll have to "wake up" in a few hours. I'll be a zombie. Luckily it's only a small crew that I'll be watching over.
I'm sitting here, somewhat brain-dead, reading Liberty Meadows.
I'm also still processing the fact my mother told me that she and Dad told my great aunt that I was gay. Not sure how that came up. Mom said she was talking about weddings...probably because Laura and Ed haven't set a date (and hopefully will take their time). Still it feels odd.
Mom said that she wouldn't tell anyone else, but I'm kind of thinking it doesn't really matter. I don't really do much with my family anymore. I kind of knew when my grandmothers passed away that the glue to the aunts, uncles and cousins was gone. I really don't interact with them. If they actually give a crap that I'm gay, it would surprise me.
If they have a problem with it, that's their problem. I care more about what my friends thought way more than what my family thought of me, except for my Grandmothers, I wouldn't come out to them. It felt like a betrayal if I did, so it was actually the occasion of their deaths that sort of "allowed" me to come out. It's interesting, my paternal grandmother gave me a little hint on her deathbed that she knew...I don't know how, but she did. Laura caught it too. she was cool with it. i regret that I didn't do something sooner, there.
My maternal grandmother would have flipped. She thought I was a slacker anyway. She thought I took too long to get through school, always complained about my weight and could make me feel like crap. I didn't want her to know because it would be one more thing she'd have over me. She kept a picture of me and the high school girlfriend at the prom on her dresser for the rest of her life. I didn't like that she had that. i didn't like being reminded of that relationship, and that she had held onto it as if that picture was supposed to represent me, especially as I became more aware of my homosexuality.
For what it's worth, through the filter of my mother, Aunt Ouida was cool with it, remarking that she had been to a funeral of some hairdresser of hers, years ago, who had died of AIDS. She remarked to mom that she was so surprised how well all of the guys dressed for the funeral.
What a surreal answer. I stood listening to Mom in sneakers, shorts that looked like they were from a mound of unfolded clothes (which they were) and a ringer T-shirt in dirt brown. Fashion Plate, Supermodel.
I guess it was only a matter of time until it got around to the family. One doesn't go for years without a girlfriend easily, but then again, it could just be a part of Captain Anti-Social's M.O.
Too bad I offered to work today. I'll have to "wake up" in a few hours. I'll be a zombie. Luckily it's only a small crew that I'll be watching over.
I'm sitting here, somewhat brain-dead, reading Liberty Meadows.
I'm also still processing the fact my mother told me that she and Dad told my great aunt that I was gay. Not sure how that came up. Mom said she was talking about weddings...probably because Laura and Ed haven't set a date (and hopefully will take their time). Still it feels odd.
Mom said that she wouldn't tell anyone else, but I'm kind of thinking it doesn't really matter. I don't really do much with my family anymore. I kind of knew when my grandmothers passed away that the glue to the aunts, uncles and cousins was gone. I really don't interact with them. If they actually give a crap that I'm gay, it would surprise me.
If they have a problem with it, that's their problem. I care more about what my friends thought way more than what my family thought of me, except for my Grandmothers, I wouldn't come out to them. It felt like a betrayal if I did, so it was actually the occasion of their deaths that sort of "allowed" me to come out. It's interesting, my paternal grandmother gave me a little hint on her deathbed that she knew...I don't know how, but she did. Laura caught it too. she was cool with it. i regret that I didn't do something sooner, there.
My maternal grandmother would have flipped. She thought I was a slacker anyway. She thought I took too long to get through school, always complained about my weight and could make me feel like crap. I didn't want her to know because it would be one more thing she'd have over me. She kept a picture of me and the high school girlfriend at the prom on her dresser for the rest of her life. I didn't like that she had that. i didn't like being reminded of that relationship, and that she had held onto it as if that picture was supposed to represent me, especially as I became more aware of my homosexuality.
For what it's worth, through the filter of my mother, Aunt Ouida was cool with it, remarking that she had been to a funeral of some hairdresser of hers, years ago, who had died of AIDS. She remarked to mom that she was so surprised how well all of the guys dressed for the funeral.
What a surreal answer. I stood listening to Mom in sneakers, shorts that looked like they were from a mound of unfolded clothes (which they were) and a ringer T-shirt in dirt brown. Fashion Plate, Supermodel.
I guess it was only a matter of time until it got around to the family. One doesn't go for years without a girlfriend easily, but then again, it could just be a part of Captain Anti-Social's M.O.
