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Aging Muses
Jul. 27th, 2004 11:40 pmA few weeks ago someone asked me my age, and I immediately said "I'm 37."
I then backtracked, "uh, I will be 37, in a couple of weeks, I'm still 36."
So what's the more important thing, that I've got 37 on the brain, or I felt I needed to go back a step, and still stick to the younger age? I will be 37 in a week, and like every year, I seem to obsess about the change for the month before. I have to admit that I'm actually doing better this year than in some years past. For some reason, all the insecurities about the future are coming up, making me a little more superficial and self-centered than usual.
This is why my politics have taken a little break, even as the "nice guy" show the democrats are putting on is, well, nice, if not compelling. I hated political conventions when I was a kid (no channel choices) and I steer clear of them now. There's plenty of places to get the info now.
Alright, well, you see, that's all about the future too (I knew I could tie it in!). there's a lot of uncertainty right now, job, moving in, elections, health etc. I've come a long way, but I don't want to let the past be the best part of me. There's a lot to look forward to if I can manage to get off the couch now and again.
I'd like to keep my goal of moving before the end of the year, but I keep telling myself I have to do this smartly. It is not an impulse move and things are strong...we are a good long-distance couple, and we can wait it out.
i wonder if i should try to make some other goals for the next year. Since the career is tied to the move, that isn't an issue. maybe i should look to get published again. I did the journal to get more writing under my belt, and I've already managed to miss deadlines for a small writing assignment I picked up. I should try to do better, but right now I'm a very undisciplined writer - even moreso than earlier this year. Everything is being written on impulse, with little thought behind it. It's not smart writing. I never said I'd be a great novelist (i can't do plots and such) but I can do better.
I also need to look after my money better. things have gotten thin lately, and while I was hoping to take a big trip this year, it looks like that may be out. I find that some people can raise families of four on my salary...why do I have so much trouble with it?
I have more grey hairs now, and I guess they'll be coming in more rapidly now. Neither my dad, nor my grandparents went totally grey, so I guess I'll never be St. Nick, but we'll take it as it comes. My body could uses some toning...but summer's hot, so I've been lazy (see the earlier couch comment). I'll have to get moving on something...I don't have to be a muscle bear, but it couldn't hurt to be a little healthier, right?
37, at least it's a number I can live with. A favorite of mine, and also Kevin Smith. Here's hoping it agrees with me.
(Oh, Chris will be having an informal get-together that may have something to do with all of this, this Saturday. You can see his info about it HERE)
I then backtracked, "uh, I will be 37, in a couple of weeks, I'm still 36."
So what's the more important thing, that I've got 37 on the brain, or I felt I needed to go back a step, and still stick to the younger age? I will be 37 in a week, and like every year, I seem to obsess about the change for the month before. I have to admit that I'm actually doing better this year than in some years past. For some reason, all the insecurities about the future are coming up, making me a little more superficial and self-centered than usual.
This is why my politics have taken a little break, even as the "nice guy" show the democrats are putting on is, well, nice, if not compelling. I hated political conventions when I was a kid (no channel choices) and I steer clear of them now. There's plenty of places to get the info now.
Alright, well, you see, that's all about the future too (I knew I could tie it in!). there's a lot of uncertainty right now, job, moving in, elections, health etc. I've come a long way, but I don't want to let the past be the best part of me. There's a lot to look forward to if I can manage to get off the couch now and again.
I'd like to keep my goal of moving before the end of the year, but I keep telling myself I have to do this smartly. It is not an impulse move and things are strong...we are a good long-distance couple, and we can wait it out.
i wonder if i should try to make some other goals for the next year. Since the career is tied to the move, that isn't an issue. maybe i should look to get published again. I did the journal to get more writing under my belt, and I've already managed to miss deadlines for a small writing assignment I picked up. I should try to do better, but right now I'm a very undisciplined writer - even moreso than earlier this year. Everything is being written on impulse, with little thought behind it. It's not smart writing. I never said I'd be a great novelist (i can't do plots and such) but I can do better.
I also need to look after my money better. things have gotten thin lately, and while I was hoping to take a big trip this year, it looks like that may be out. I find that some people can raise families of four on my salary...why do I have so much trouble with it?
I have more grey hairs now, and I guess they'll be coming in more rapidly now. Neither my dad, nor my grandparents went totally grey, so I guess I'll never be St. Nick, but we'll take it as it comes. My body could uses some toning...but summer's hot, so I've been lazy (see the earlier couch comment). I'll have to get moving on something...I don't have to be a muscle bear, but it couldn't hurt to be a little healthier, right?
37, at least it's a number I can live with. A favorite of mine, and also Kevin Smith. Here's hoping it agrees with me.
(Oh, Chris will be having an informal get-together that may have something to do with all of this, this Saturday. You can see his info about it HERE)
