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eggwardsI'm outside on my balcony this morning enjoying the cool temperatures, and listening to the sounds of Larry and Cheryl being drowned out by the leaf-blower guy. I'm enjoying some toast from my new toaster, since the microwave that's supposed to be in this apartment hasn't arrived yet.
Last Friday Chris and I got up early to wait for the sort of not, but with possibilities, hunky cable guy come hook up my cable and Road Runner service (by the way, Road Runner rocks). He came early, which was nice, since his window was from 8am to 1 pm. We moved some stuff, then went for lunch, and shopping where I broke down and bought the Tivo at Best Buy. I want to connect it to my wireless network for updates, since I don't have a land line in the new place, but the adapter we got was a newer one that Tivo didn't like so I'm waiting for Chris to send me one that he had lying around his house.
We had decided that we would go out for a little while Friday night, since the movers weren't coming until the evening on Saturday - I was last on the list, and since it was "free" from the apartment locator service, I didn't complain too much. Hans and Newt would be over earlier to move boxes and such.
So we went out to the Montrose to see what was happening. I continued to prove my naivete as I didn't know where to park. We got out, rambled around for a bit, finally deciding on the Montrose Mining Company for a drink, possibly visiting the Ripcord later. We went out to the patio and got some drinks, and scoped out the guys on Pacific Street who were going in and out of South Beach and JR's.
I was thinking about dancing, but i know that South Beach can be very pretentious. I was noticing that everyone going in had on Jeans or khakis while Chris and I were in shorts. In fact, we seemed to be the only two in shorts that night. Even the guy in the ripped-up camo was wearing long pants. It's like we missed a memo. I wasn't feeling confident about hitting South Beach.
We decided to go to the main bar, and my fear of crowds (agoraphobia?) started kicking in. There were a lot of men in a very small space. I felt like a salmon trying to swim upstream. I needed to get out, and told Chris so, and headed for the door. In the process I lost Chris. Chris was delayed talking to a few guys, and he said that the drunkest of them had shoved his tongue down his throat and felt him up, and wasn't very cute. We'll call him the "bleach blond". One of the others, the tall one, was good looking, but not gorgeous.
We decided to start walking to the Ripcord when Jeff, from the Houston Area Bears, crosses the street and tells us that the Ripcord was pretty empty, so all three of us go back to MMC. The patio was getting more crowded, but was definitely better than the main bar. Chris had to go tinkle so I talked to Jeff for a bit. Jeff's a nice-looking man. Chris comes back having been chatted up again by Tall guy and Bleach Blonde.
We decided to go over to the main bar area - just to the side where it wasn't as crowded and be sociable with these guys. I thought Chris was interested in Tall Guy, and we talked to him while bleach blond kept pawing on Chris. Bleach Blond was still drunker than anyone else in the room, and kept proving it by his words and actions. He tried to pull Chris away a few times, and I shot him a look of death that he tried to match with little success. We talked some more with Tall guy and he was trying to get over the idea that he wanted us to go home with him.
Really, he wanted Chris to go home with him. I was an obstacle for him to get what he wanted. Tall Guy had his hands all over Chris and was pawing at me to show we could all go to his place together. He made several mentions that he and Bleached Blond were roomies, but they had separate rooms. I personally didn't care, as I wanted nothing to do with either one. Early on i was civil, just to see what these guys were about, then I was nice because I thought Chris was interested. Now I was freaked out and wanted out of the bar as soon as possible.
Neither Chris nor I were good at reading each others signals that evening. Chris was getting annoyed of how the guys were objectifying him and pissed at how they were treating me, I was totally creeped out and wanted to run away. I told Chris later, if someone's rubbing my crotch, and I don't get hard, something's wrong...Chris agreed with this assessment.
Finally, I got to Chris' ear and told him that I has going to leave in about a minute. What did he want to do? Chris wasn't getting how upset I had become, as I was either going to run, or punch somebody (most likely the Blonde who continued to try to separate us, though Tall Guy was continuing to try to make conversation with Chris with only minor looks at me). Tall Guy did ask me what was the matter, and I told him I wasn't feeling so well. While true, I think this gave him the idea that I might be out of the picture. Just what he wanted.
Finally I had had enough, ducked out of the embrace of Tall Guy and Chris and quickly headed for the door. I could here Chris trying to excuse himself and Tall Guy asking if he had to go. I hit the street and just stood there. chris joined me a couple of seconds later, asking what was wrong. I told him that I was upset, and I felt very uncomfortable, chalking it up to my own naivete. I was mad that I couldn't deal with the situation in a more grown-up manner, but I had to get away.
I told Chris if he wanted to go with them, I'd be happy to pick him up when he was ready, but I couldn't...
Chris told me that he just wanted to be with me. I had read him wrong, and he was getting upset with how they were treating him, and me as well. I felt more relived. Chris said he should have seen that I was getting upset earlier, but I had put on a pokerface and hadn't given him a signal that I was freaked out. He thought I was OK, just quiet. Something to work on.
Bleached Blond and Tall Guy had also come out to the street, and Chris went to go say good night. i had embarrassed myself, so i wasn't going to go talk to them. I stayed on the sidewalk. I heard pieces of the conversation, as I think they were intentionally trying to be loud. They asked if Chris was local and if he'd be around. Bleached Blond told another guy "That's his husband (?), don't mess with him!". Damn right don't mess with me. I was pissed off at this guy. a little more and he would have found my fist in his face. Chris found this a good time to leave them, but not after they pawed him again.
Needless to say that ended our evening in the Montrose. We were both pretty tired, so we headed back to the old apartment and got into bed. i was still beating myself up , especially that i couldn't excuse myself in a better manner, but again, I let my fear take over. still, I was the one who had Chris in his arms that night, and that made me feel better.
Last Friday Chris and I got up early to wait for the sort of not, but with possibilities, hunky cable guy come hook up my cable and Road Runner service (by the way, Road Runner rocks). He came early, which was nice, since his window was from 8am to 1 pm. We moved some stuff, then went for lunch, and shopping where I broke down and bought the Tivo at Best Buy. I want to connect it to my wireless network for updates, since I don't have a land line in the new place, but the adapter we got was a newer one that Tivo didn't like so I'm waiting for Chris to send me one that he had lying around his house.
We had decided that we would go out for a little while Friday night, since the movers weren't coming until the evening on Saturday - I was last on the list, and since it was "free" from the apartment locator service, I didn't complain too much. Hans and Newt would be over earlier to move boxes and such.
So we went out to the Montrose to see what was happening. I continued to prove my naivete as I didn't know where to park. We got out, rambled around for a bit, finally deciding on the Montrose Mining Company for a drink, possibly visiting the Ripcord later. We went out to the patio and got some drinks, and scoped out the guys on Pacific Street who were going in and out of South Beach and JR's.
I was thinking about dancing, but i know that South Beach can be very pretentious. I was noticing that everyone going in had on Jeans or khakis while Chris and I were in shorts. In fact, we seemed to be the only two in shorts that night. Even the guy in the ripped-up camo was wearing long pants. It's like we missed a memo. I wasn't feeling confident about hitting South Beach.
We decided to go to the main bar, and my fear of crowds (agoraphobia?) started kicking in. There were a lot of men in a very small space. I felt like a salmon trying to swim upstream. I needed to get out, and told Chris so, and headed for the door. In the process I lost Chris. Chris was delayed talking to a few guys, and he said that the drunkest of them had shoved his tongue down his throat and felt him up, and wasn't very cute. We'll call him the "bleach blond". One of the others, the tall one, was good looking, but not gorgeous.
We decided to start walking to the Ripcord when Jeff, from the Houston Area Bears, crosses the street and tells us that the Ripcord was pretty empty, so all three of us go back to MMC. The patio was getting more crowded, but was definitely better than the main bar. Chris had to go tinkle so I talked to Jeff for a bit. Jeff's a nice-looking man. Chris comes back having been chatted up again by Tall guy and Bleach Blonde.
We decided to go over to the main bar area - just to the side where it wasn't as crowded and be sociable with these guys. I thought Chris was interested in Tall Guy, and we talked to him while bleach blond kept pawing on Chris. Bleach Blond was still drunker than anyone else in the room, and kept proving it by his words and actions. He tried to pull Chris away a few times, and I shot him a look of death that he tried to match with little success. We talked some more with Tall guy and he was trying to get over the idea that he wanted us to go home with him.
Really, he wanted Chris to go home with him. I was an obstacle for him to get what he wanted. Tall Guy had his hands all over Chris and was pawing at me to show we could all go to his place together. He made several mentions that he and Bleached Blond were roomies, but they had separate rooms. I personally didn't care, as I wanted nothing to do with either one. Early on i was civil, just to see what these guys were about, then I was nice because I thought Chris was interested. Now I was freaked out and wanted out of the bar as soon as possible.
Neither Chris nor I were good at reading each others signals that evening. Chris was getting annoyed of how the guys were objectifying him and pissed at how they were treating me, I was totally creeped out and wanted to run away. I told Chris later, if someone's rubbing my crotch, and I don't get hard, something's wrong...Chris agreed with this assessment.
Finally, I got to Chris' ear and told him that I has going to leave in about a minute. What did he want to do? Chris wasn't getting how upset I had become, as I was either going to run, or punch somebody (most likely the Blonde who continued to try to separate us, though Tall Guy was continuing to try to make conversation with Chris with only minor looks at me). Tall Guy did ask me what was the matter, and I told him I wasn't feeling so well. While true, I think this gave him the idea that I might be out of the picture. Just what he wanted.
Finally I had had enough, ducked out of the embrace of Tall Guy and Chris and quickly headed for the door. I could here Chris trying to excuse himself and Tall Guy asking if he had to go. I hit the street and just stood there. chris joined me a couple of seconds later, asking what was wrong. I told him that I was upset, and I felt very uncomfortable, chalking it up to my own naivete. I was mad that I couldn't deal with the situation in a more grown-up manner, but I had to get away.
I told Chris if he wanted to go with them, I'd be happy to pick him up when he was ready, but I couldn't...
Chris told me that he just wanted to be with me. I had read him wrong, and he was getting upset with how they were treating him, and me as well. I felt more relived. Chris said he should have seen that I was getting upset earlier, but I had put on a pokerface and hadn't given him a signal that I was freaked out. He thought I was OK, just quiet. Something to work on.
Bleached Blond and Tall Guy had also come out to the street, and Chris went to go say good night. i had embarrassed myself, so i wasn't going to go talk to them. I stayed on the sidewalk. I heard pieces of the conversation, as I think they were intentionally trying to be loud. They asked if Chris was local and if he'd be around. Bleached Blond told another guy "That's his husband (?), don't mess with him!". Damn right don't mess with me. I was pissed off at this guy. a little more and he would have found my fist in his face. Chris found this a good time to leave them, but not after they pawed him again.
Needless to say that ended our evening in the Montrose. We were both pretty tired, so we headed back to the old apartment and got into bed. i was still beating myself up , especially that i couldn't excuse myself in a better manner, but again, I let my fear take over. still, I was the one who had Chris in his arms that night, and that made me feel better.
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no subject
Date: 2003-10-01 07:50 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-10-01 07:57 am (UTC)I don't know if we're ever meant to grow out of it, but I think you acted properly and you have nothing to worry about...at least you didn't tell them off which I have done in the past.
no subject
Date: 2003-10-01 09:32 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-10-01 09:33 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-10-01 10:18 am (UTC)I'd be overjoyed with that reaction. Many other men would have just stood there, afraid to leave their boyfriend, not wanting to be left out. But you made a choice to save yourself some discomfort AND told your boyfriend what you were going to do.
I think all that is cool. And as for signals, chris will be reading your mind in no time. :)
no subject
Date: 2003-10-01 01:06 pm (UTC)This kind of bar behavior is sadly acceptable. The fact that you're an open couple allows people with bad boundaries to think they can get away with dumb shit. If you were monogamous, they'd probably pull different dumb shit, still trying to split you up. You and Chris, however, are not dumb, or assholes ... just feeling your way.
Sorry it was difficult.
no subject
Date: 2003-10-02 01:15 am (UTC)I don't know if you'll ever get used to the bar scene, but if you get more "practice" and start to speak your mind, things will get better.
One day, you'll meet someone pawing you and ignoring Chris and you'll see this experience from a different perspective...
no subject
Date: 2003-10-02 02:15 am (UTC)Huge huggs
no subject
Date: 2003-10-02 11:38 am (UTC)Are you sure an open relationship is for you?