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Big Sorrows
Sep. 14th, 2005 11:57 pmTonight I went out to the new Guava Lamp bar here in Houston. I went because I was concerned about Big Ed. When he told me at work today that he wasn't feeling good, and had taken an anti-anxiety drug I was concerned. When I found out that the drug was making him dizzy, but he still wanted to go out and drink, I was really concerned.
Some of you may remember that Big Ed lost his partner of ten years about a month ago now. He was allowed the five days of bereavement that is allowed by the company (after I lobbied HR about it) and came back to work while I was still in California. Still, once I came back I could tell that he had come back to work way to early. There's a sadness in him that wasn't there before, and he's not sleeping.
He is taking some steps to change his life. Since it was pretty much a done deal that he would be leaving the home that he and Mike had shared, big Ed has decided to move from Houston. He's already given his two week notice and has begun packing. He will be moving to Dallas to live with his brother for a while.
I went to Guava Lamp after I was off of work today, and found him there with coworkers Kelli and Faith. He had already been through a couple of beers, and would have several more before the evening was up. He was tipsy, but never drunk. About a week ago I saw the same behavior when we went out for a bit, along with some other coworkers. I must confess that I'm kind of glad the coworkers were around, since I find Big Ed really cute, the coworkers keep me from embarrassing myself. No, not that I'm that stupid, just to keep me from flirting too much. Big Ed is not a person who's someone to be flirting with. It seemed that no matter how hard we tried, conversations kept going back to Mike. Not in a morbid, or even sad way, really, but I could tell Ed was having some difficulties speaking about him at times, and that the grieving isn't over.
I'm thinking of telling him that he ought to write down some of these things, or perhaps record them, to try to get on with his life. Not that you'd ever get rid of those memories, but to clear himself a bit. I'm not sure i it's good advice or not, but I personally find writing therapeutic.
Otherwise, while at Guava Lamp we were discussing Big Ed's upcoming happy hour. It's a tradition for people leaving the company to get a happy hour their last day for everyone to say goodbye. Lately we've been having one a week, sometimes for more than one person. Ed's will be next week, so unfortunately I will miss it since I'll be in Austin for Austin City Limits Festival. while Ed had talked about having his at The Tavern, a regular sports bar that people like, he really wanted to say the heck with it, and have it at a gay bar. We talked about several ones, including my thought about how fun it would be to bring the straights to the Ripcord, the place we were at seemed to be a good fit.
Guava Lamp is a funky lounge with good music and good space, and isn't around all of the other gay bas, so perhaps people won't be as intimidated to go there if they do realize it's a gay bar beforehand. all of us agreed that this would be the perfect place for it to happen. Heck, it isn't like it's unknown that Big Ed is gay, especially as news about Mike's death went around.
what was funny is that Faith didn't know I was gay. she was flabbergasted, saying how I seemed like a regular guy. that was kind of flattering, actually, but it's not like I hide it. Big Ed said, "Haven't you ever noticed that Bear Flag on his desk?" Of course that means nothing to most people. she couldn't get over it, and both she and Kelli asked me a ton of questions about me, about Chris, and how working at the company was when you're gay.
The best moment was when Faith started talking about boys and how she hated hairy backs. I said that i would have to leave, and she asked why. I told her that I wouldn't shave my back, nor would I expect others to do so. It's not a must, but i'd never throw someone out of my bed for that. She was a bit taken aback, but hey, hair is sexy.
We left a few hours later than when we got there. I had a couple of beers, but nothing big. Big Ed seemed OK to drive, so I just told him to be careful and hugged him and wished him to be careful on his way back to Sugar Land. still I worried that the drinking has started to become a habit, and a way to deal with the pain, but I'm not sure that it's my place to say anything right now, or if I'll really get the chance, as Big Ed moves on soon. Still, I'm going to give him chris' information for when he gets to Dallas, so he has one more contact in his new city.
Now perhaps he'll get a good job in Dallas and be able to get me a job there too.
Some of you may remember that Big Ed lost his partner of ten years about a month ago now. He was allowed the five days of bereavement that is allowed by the company (after I lobbied HR about it) and came back to work while I was still in California. Still, once I came back I could tell that he had come back to work way to early. There's a sadness in him that wasn't there before, and he's not sleeping.
He is taking some steps to change his life. Since it was pretty much a done deal that he would be leaving the home that he and Mike had shared, big Ed has decided to move from Houston. He's already given his two week notice and has begun packing. He will be moving to Dallas to live with his brother for a while.
I went to Guava Lamp after I was off of work today, and found him there with coworkers Kelli and Faith. He had already been through a couple of beers, and would have several more before the evening was up. He was tipsy, but never drunk. About a week ago I saw the same behavior when we went out for a bit, along with some other coworkers. I must confess that I'm kind of glad the coworkers were around, since I find Big Ed really cute, the coworkers keep me from embarrassing myself. No, not that I'm that stupid, just to keep me from flirting too much. Big Ed is not a person who's someone to be flirting with. It seemed that no matter how hard we tried, conversations kept going back to Mike. Not in a morbid, or even sad way, really, but I could tell Ed was having some difficulties speaking about him at times, and that the grieving isn't over.
I'm thinking of telling him that he ought to write down some of these things, or perhaps record them, to try to get on with his life. Not that you'd ever get rid of those memories, but to clear himself a bit. I'm not sure i it's good advice or not, but I personally find writing therapeutic.
Otherwise, while at Guava Lamp we were discussing Big Ed's upcoming happy hour. It's a tradition for people leaving the company to get a happy hour their last day for everyone to say goodbye. Lately we've been having one a week, sometimes for more than one person. Ed's will be next week, so unfortunately I will miss it since I'll be in Austin for Austin City Limits Festival. while Ed had talked about having his at The Tavern, a regular sports bar that people like, he really wanted to say the heck with it, and have it at a gay bar. We talked about several ones, including my thought about how fun it would be to bring the straights to the Ripcord, the place we were at seemed to be a good fit.
Guava Lamp is a funky lounge with good music and good space, and isn't around all of the other gay bas, so perhaps people won't be as intimidated to go there if they do realize it's a gay bar beforehand. all of us agreed that this would be the perfect place for it to happen. Heck, it isn't like it's unknown that Big Ed is gay, especially as news about Mike's death went around.
what was funny is that Faith didn't know I was gay. she was flabbergasted, saying how I seemed like a regular guy. that was kind of flattering, actually, but it's not like I hide it. Big Ed said, "Haven't you ever noticed that Bear Flag on his desk?" Of course that means nothing to most people. she couldn't get over it, and both she and Kelli asked me a ton of questions about me, about Chris, and how working at the company was when you're gay.
The best moment was when Faith started talking about boys and how she hated hairy backs. I said that i would have to leave, and she asked why. I told her that I wouldn't shave my back, nor would I expect others to do so. It's not a must, but i'd never throw someone out of my bed for that. She was a bit taken aback, but hey, hair is sexy.
We left a few hours later than when we got there. I had a couple of beers, but nothing big. Big Ed seemed OK to drive, so I just told him to be careful and hugged him and wished him to be careful on his way back to Sugar Land. still I worried that the drinking has started to become a habit, and a way to deal with the pain, but I'm not sure that it's my place to say anything right now, or if I'll really get the chance, as Big Ed moves on soon. Still, I'm going to give him chris' information for when he gets to Dallas, so he has one more contact in his new city.
Now perhaps he'll get a good job in Dallas and be able to get me a job there too.
