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Can I Touch You...There?
Mar. 16th, 2005 08:29 amI'm getting everything packed for TBRU, since I'll be taking off right after work today. I'm picking up Kip (![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
scarabbear, and will be driving him up and dumping him off at the hotel so he can romp with the bears this weekend too.
I'm looking forward to all of the people coming into Dallas this weekend, seeing all of the people, including meeting a few new people, but as always I'm having a few fears pop up, just as i always do when big events like this come up. Of course, most people who read my journal already know my problems with crowds. I'm very crowd phobic, and this apparently will be the biggest TBRU ever (more than 800 registered), so the place will be jumping. I know there will be many times that i will have to take a break, and move away from the crowd, either outside, or off to a smaller gathering.
I think I've always preferred things like small dinner parties (despite my whole weird food thing) to big parties. I love it when a group of us break out and go out to dinner and we just have a good time talking. I hope this happens often this weekend. I already know some people are interested in going to BD's Mongolian Grill, so now we just have to work on making that happen.
My fear of crowds isn't connected to claustrophobia, but there may be a similar connection. I do like my personal space. I get uncomfortable with people moving into that space, and even moreso with people touching me out of nowhere. Now, that being said, I'm nowhere near as bad as, back in my fraternity years, one of my sorority little sisters, Jana would have a total freakout if you would shake her hand. Several rituals would have a big hug-off and you could see that she was about ready to scream and run away from the experience. I'm not even close to that bad.
Still, I'm not one to just take a stranger's touch out of nowhere, and even friends, you need to give me a second to prepare. If I know a hug is coming, I'll be fine, in fact, I like hugs, and even kissing (or, as Bobaloo knows, maybe a little tonsil hockey - maybe I should get some more Vitamin C). Just talk to me a little first - foreplay, I suppose.
On the flip side, I see friends who can go up to someone, and instantly start rubbing on them. I can't do this. I think of how I would feel if they did that to me, and I can't go and violate their space like that - not as a greeting! It will take a while. I may really want to do it, and at a bear run, there's certainly not as many barriers to getting out there and rubbing on someone, but I feel I'm violating someone's trust.
It's funny, a few weeks ago, we saw a guy at the roundup that chris and I both know, and both of us like him. Chris was totally at ease and was able to hug him. I took a longer time, trying to read signals to see if it was cool. I can't read them at all. So I have a hard time when I want to touch - rub - etc, but I'm not sure if it's right. If you're interested, please, please, please, club me over the head like a baby seal. I'll finally get the message.
Still, I think I miss out sometimes because I'm not sure what to do at times, missing connections.
Lastly, on a related TBRU note, At Fiesta de los Osos I played a lot of dress-up-bear, with kilts and other such outfits. I think I found that I wasn't so big on trying to play that. Still, my suitcase is very full, and I have been asked to bring my overalls and suspenders (the Utilikilt, belonging to Kip, will stay with him for the weekend). I'll have to see what i want to do, but most of all, I just want to be comfortable in what I wear, and of course, since I won't be staying at the host hotel, costume changes will be kept to a minimum.
Sorry for the Michael Bolton Reference - It just worked. I own none of his music.
scarabbear, and will be driving him up and dumping him off at the hotel so he can romp with the bears this weekend too.I'm looking forward to all of the people coming into Dallas this weekend, seeing all of the people, including meeting a few new people, but as always I'm having a few fears pop up, just as i always do when big events like this come up. Of course, most people who read my journal already know my problems with crowds. I'm very crowd phobic, and this apparently will be the biggest TBRU ever (more than 800 registered), so the place will be jumping. I know there will be many times that i will have to take a break, and move away from the crowd, either outside, or off to a smaller gathering.
I think I've always preferred things like small dinner parties (despite my whole weird food thing) to big parties. I love it when a group of us break out and go out to dinner and we just have a good time talking. I hope this happens often this weekend. I already know some people are interested in going to BD's Mongolian Grill, so now we just have to work on making that happen.
My fear of crowds isn't connected to claustrophobia, but there may be a similar connection. I do like my personal space. I get uncomfortable with people moving into that space, and even moreso with people touching me out of nowhere. Now, that being said, I'm nowhere near as bad as, back in my fraternity years, one of my sorority little sisters, Jana would have a total freakout if you would shake her hand. Several rituals would have a big hug-off and you could see that she was about ready to scream and run away from the experience. I'm not even close to that bad.
Still, I'm not one to just take a stranger's touch out of nowhere, and even friends, you need to give me a second to prepare. If I know a hug is coming, I'll be fine, in fact, I like hugs, and even kissing (or, as Bobaloo knows, maybe a little tonsil hockey - maybe I should get some more Vitamin C). Just talk to me a little first - foreplay, I suppose.
On the flip side, I see friends who can go up to someone, and instantly start rubbing on them. I can't do this. I think of how I would feel if they did that to me, and I can't go and violate their space like that - not as a greeting! It will take a while. I may really want to do it, and at a bear run, there's certainly not as many barriers to getting out there and rubbing on someone, but I feel I'm violating someone's trust.
It's funny, a few weeks ago, we saw a guy at the roundup that chris and I both know, and both of us like him. Chris was totally at ease and was able to hug him. I took a longer time, trying to read signals to see if it was cool. I can't read them at all. So I have a hard time when I want to touch - rub - etc, but I'm not sure if it's right. If you're interested, please, please, please, club me over the head like a baby seal. I'll finally get the message.
Still, I think I miss out sometimes because I'm not sure what to do at times, missing connections.
Lastly, on a related TBRU note, At Fiesta de los Osos I played a lot of dress-up-bear, with kilts and other such outfits. I think I found that I wasn't so big on trying to play that. Still, my suitcase is very full, and I have been asked to bring my overalls and suspenders (the Utilikilt, belonging to Kip, will stay with him for the weekend). I'll have to see what i want to do, but most of all, I just want to be comfortable in what I wear, and of course, since I won't be staying at the host hotel, costume changes will be kept to a minimum.
Sorry for the Michael Bolton Reference - It just worked. I own none of his music.
