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The Fraternity of Men Comes Through Again
Aug. 11th, 2003 09:31 amLast night I traveled back home to see my parents. and do laundry. I realized mid-week that my Amazon.com wish-list still pointed to their address, so I also had a couple of packages waiting for me from my birthday, a week ago.
So much thanks to Kenny (![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
kennydoug71) for the Waiting for Guffman DVD (which totally feeds my inner "wish I was an actor" feeling) and to Gary (garebear) for the unexpected An Evening with Kevin Smith DVD (because Kevin is a god, is hot and it totally feeds my "wish I was and actor" affliction). Both gifts were very unexpected and much appreciated, as were the gifts given to me in person last week (Matty, I bought a Batgirl action figure with the Zeus gift certificate, with Richard was extremely generous to make up the difference! So cool!)
On to other things...I had a hell of a lot of laundry. So of to work on that, and sitting down with Dad to watch disaster movies on AMC. It was Earthquake followed by Airport '75 (with Gloria Swanson), the one Airplane! is based on. It was a George Kennedy festival. I love Irwin Allen type films.
Dad asks about Chicago, and I talk about the buildings and the beauty of Wrigley field and such, not really describing the people I was with. He knew I met with friends, but not much beyond that. Once mom awoke from her nap, and we went out to dinner, I continued telling them about the trip, eventually noticing that I kept saying "WE went here, WE went there." Hmm...should that be sending up flares? I know mom didn't know I knew people in Chicago. (That was one of the single worst crafted sentences I ever wrote, folks.)
Still, Mom didn't say anything. Mom was still enthralled about what she did while I was gone, telling me about a friend of the family's wedding (a kid I baby-sat for). She went on and on about it, since it literally is the only thing she's done in some time. I just listened, and still tried to tell Dad my tales, since he was with Mom at the wedding.
Just an aside, I've said it here before, if it wasn't for the cost of alimony, I'm sure my parents would be divorced. It's a strange "Cheaper to Keep Her" situation. Mom told me that the wedding featured a couples dance where they slowly worked out couples to finally reveal who had been married the longest - at 40 years Mom and Dad were the longest. They were asked to give advice to the new couple. I would have loved to had heard that. I hope Seth and Eden took it with a grain of salt.
We got back home, and I had my iBook with me so I could work on the scripts for an upcoming video project I have at work. They wanted to see my pictures, so I checked them a bit, took out a couple (like the picture of Cell Block with it's various flags flying) and started to show them. Well, there's a picture of John (blithwulf) and I tell them, "This is John, he's a friend who lives in Chicago and he took me around the city for a couple of days." Dad had this look that I can't describe, being the first of my gay friend's pictures he's seen. Mom just looks and says, "Is he a member of your fraternity?" "Yes, Mom he is." "And he lives in Chicago?" "Yes, Mom." "What does he do?" "Well, right now he's unemployed, worked in Tech and is going back to school." "Oh." Then there was a picture of John hugging Roger (aadroma). The questions start again.
John, Roger, welcome to the fraternity. I'll teach you the secret handshake when I see you again.
Ahh, what mothers will believe. Neither Mom nor Dad noticed the new sticker on my car. I'm surprised, because Mom usually notices everything.
Dad asked me what I used for a camera. When I went to Montreal last year, I borrowed his very large Sony digicam. I bought my own last Christmas, and he forgot about it, expecting I'd borrow his again. He pulled the camera out of my satchel and started looking it over. He turned it on, and went to look at the photos saved on it. Well, there's only one on there, and it's the one that accompanies this post, me and Chris (oakleycub) together at pride.
I sort of instinctively grabbed it away from him, and it was only that Mom was next to him. Later when mom had toddled away to the back room I told him, "That was Chris, the guy I'm seeing." Dad just nodded and went back to watching WWII stuff on the History Channel. I went back to folding my laundry.
I didn't even speak about the trip to Grand Rapids.
It continues to be a frustration that Dad doesn't say anything. I want to share this stuff with him, but it seems like it's not something he wants to discuss, so I guess I just try to give him a snippet now and again. If I push to hard, it's going to all come back on me. I'm convinced that he's having problems dealing with it, but in usual Edwards fashion, he's trying to deal with it himself, not seeking information, or help. He's disappointed in himself. I know he blames himself, that he wasn't there for me as I grew up...and I want to tell him it's not his fault. It's no one's fault. There's nothing to be guilty about. I just don't know how to do it.
Don't you know I want to share my joy with you, Dad?
So much thanks to Kenny (
kennydoug71) for the Waiting for Guffman DVD (which totally feeds my inner "wish I was an actor" feeling) and to Gary (garebear) for the unexpected An Evening with Kevin Smith DVD (because Kevin is a god, is hot and it totally feeds my "wish I was and actor" affliction). Both gifts were very unexpected and much appreciated, as were the gifts given to me in person last week (Matty, I bought a Batgirl action figure with the Zeus gift certificate, with Richard was extremely generous to make up the difference! So cool!)On to other things...I had a hell of a lot of laundry. So of to work on that, and sitting down with Dad to watch disaster movies on AMC. It was Earthquake followed by Airport '75 (with Gloria Swanson), the one Airplane! is based on. It was a George Kennedy festival. I love Irwin Allen type films.
Dad asks about Chicago, and I talk about the buildings and the beauty of Wrigley field and such, not really describing the people I was with. He knew I met with friends, but not much beyond that. Once mom awoke from her nap, and we went out to dinner, I continued telling them about the trip, eventually noticing that I kept saying "WE went here, WE went there." Hmm...should that be sending up flares? I know mom didn't know I knew people in Chicago. (That was one of the single worst crafted sentences I ever wrote, folks.)
Still, Mom didn't say anything. Mom was still enthralled about what she did while I was gone, telling me about a friend of the family's wedding (a kid I baby-sat for). She went on and on about it, since it literally is the only thing she's done in some time. I just listened, and still tried to tell Dad my tales, since he was with Mom at the wedding.
Just an aside, I've said it here before, if it wasn't for the cost of alimony, I'm sure my parents would be divorced. It's a strange "Cheaper to Keep Her" situation. Mom told me that the wedding featured a couples dance where they slowly worked out couples to finally reveal who had been married the longest - at 40 years Mom and Dad were the longest. They were asked to give advice to the new couple. I would have loved to had heard that. I hope Seth and Eden took it with a grain of salt.
We got back home, and I had my iBook with me so I could work on the scripts for an upcoming video project I have at work. They wanted to see my pictures, so I checked them a bit, took out a couple (like the picture of Cell Block with it's various flags flying) and started to show them. Well, there's a picture of John (
blithwulf) and I tell them, "This is John, he's a friend who lives in Chicago and he took me around the city for a couple of days." Dad had this look that I can't describe, being the first of my gay friend's pictures he's seen. Mom just looks and says, "Is he a member of your fraternity?" "Yes, Mom he is." "And he lives in Chicago?" "Yes, Mom." "What does he do?" "Well, right now he's unemployed, worked in Tech and is going back to school." "Oh." Then there was a picture of John hugging Roger (aadroma). The questions start again.John, Roger, welcome to the fraternity. I'll teach you the secret handshake when I see you again.
Ahh, what mothers will believe. Neither Mom nor Dad noticed the new sticker on my car. I'm surprised, because Mom usually notices everything.
Dad asked me what I used for a camera. When I went to Montreal last year, I borrowed his very large Sony digicam. I bought my own last Christmas, and he forgot about it, expecting I'd borrow his again. He pulled the camera out of my satchel and started looking it over. He turned it on, and went to look at the photos saved on it. Well, there's only one on there, and it's the one that accompanies this post, me and Chris (
oakleycub) together at pride. I sort of instinctively grabbed it away from him, and it was only that Mom was next to him. Later when mom had toddled away to the back room I told him, "That was Chris, the guy I'm seeing." Dad just nodded and went back to watching WWII stuff on the History Channel. I went back to folding my laundry.
I didn't even speak about the trip to Grand Rapids.
It continues to be a frustration that Dad doesn't say anything. I want to share this stuff with him, but it seems like it's not something he wants to discuss, so I guess I just try to give him a snippet now and again. If I push to hard, it's going to all come back on me. I'm convinced that he's having problems dealing with it, but in usual Edwards fashion, he's trying to deal with it himself, not seeking information, or help. He's disappointed in himself. I know he blames himself, that he wasn't there for me as I grew up...and I want to tell him it's not his fault. It's no one's fault. There's nothing to be guilty about. I just don't know how to do it.
Don't you know I want to share my joy with you, Dad?
