Time, Never On Your Side
Mar. 21st, 2005 10:27 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
eggwardsI was going to leave the TBRU remembrances behind, but I guess this is a more general thought, so here goes.
Last night some of us went out to the way over-crowded Hidden Door, found it almost too hard to move, and decided to do dinner instead. While Bennegan's isn't great food, the special, appetizer, burger and dessert, was a good deal. The better part was getting to sit down with![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
bobaloo, Justin (tuc1), his partner Alan (spargel), Kip (scarabbear) and Chris (oakleycub) one last time. The several meals, even the disasterous meal at Chili's, were the highlights of the event for me.
This weekend seemed to be a little too much, too many people I knew, or barely knew and wanted to spend time with. there simply wasn't enough time, and with wanting to spend time with Chris, and see his softball game and not staying at the hotel and all, that time was very limited. Everyone else had their own agendas, and their own people they wanted to see. I know I heard several times, why couldn't there be a big LJ meeting, since everyone was trying to find everyone else.
I know of at least 45 people form my friends list who were in attendance. there was just no way i could see, nor talk to every one, and really, it's unfortunate. I guess it's a sad factor of the internet age that were capable of making connections across a wide area now, but when you do finally get the opportunity to meet face to face, its only in these brief time-spans. Here's an event were your friends come from Boston, Atlanta, Minneapolis, Miami, Los Angeles, Chicago, and all places in between, and seemingly you get a hug, and they all go back.
The problem with such a cornucopia of riches is that I find I'm not really talking to anyone but the LJers, since it's a safe world for me. Why actually have to make contact with a stranger when you know something about an LJer?
Still, with so many LJer's, they all have little groups of their own, and not all of them meld together nicely. You don't know if when your with group A, that someone from group B will mesh nicely, so you aren't sure if you should ask them along to the party or not, or sometimes when your hanging with group C, and group D walks by, do you regret letting them go by when you really did want to talk to them?
Of course, there's always the wonder of whether you fit into any of the groups at all.
What I'd love to do is crisis-cross the country going to dinner with different groups each night. Just a chance to get to know people and sit down and talk. the groups shouldn't be larger than ten each night. maybe we could turn it into a TV show for the new LOGO channel. Bear Feast, with your host, me. sort of like the Jon Favreu show with a Bear twist. Perhaps Seen (zombietruckstop) could help write questions, no topic barred.
This will have to do until we get our own Bear state.
Last night some of us went out to the way over-crowded Hidden Door, found it almost too hard to move, and decided to do dinner instead. While Bennegan's isn't great food, the special, appetizer, burger and dessert, was a good deal. The better part was getting to sit down with
bobaloo, Justin (tuc1), his partner Alan (spargel), Kip (scarabbear) and Chris (oakleycub) one last time. The several meals, even the disasterous meal at Chili's, were the highlights of the event for me.This weekend seemed to be a little too much, too many people I knew, or barely knew and wanted to spend time with. there simply wasn't enough time, and with wanting to spend time with Chris, and see his softball game and not staying at the hotel and all, that time was very limited. Everyone else had their own agendas, and their own people they wanted to see. I know I heard several times, why couldn't there be a big LJ meeting, since everyone was trying to find everyone else.
I know of at least 45 people form my friends list who were in attendance. there was just no way i could see, nor talk to every one, and really, it's unfortunate. I guess it's a sad factor of the internet age that were capable of making connections across a wide area now, but when you do finally get the opportunity to meet face to face, its only in these brief time-spans. Here's an event were your friends come from Boston, Atlanta, Minneapolis, Miami, Los Angeles, Chicago, and all places in between, and seemingly you get a hug, and they all go back.
The problem with such a cornucopia of riches is that I find I'm not really talking to anyone but the LJers, since it's a safe world for me. Why actually have to make contact with a stranger when you know something about an LJer?
Still, with so many LJer's, they all have little groups of their own, and not all of them meld together nicely. You don't know if when your with group A, that someone from group B will mesh nicely, so you aren't sure if you should ask them along to the party or not, or sometimes when your hanging with group C, and group D walks by, do you regret letting them go by when you really did want to talk to them?
Of course, there's always the wonder of whether you fit into any of the groups at all.
What I'd love to do is crisis-cross the country going to dinner with different groups each night. Just a chance to get to know people and sit down and talk. the groups shouldn't be larger than ten each night. maybe we could turn it into a TV show for the new LOGO channel. Bear Feast, with your host, me. sort of like the Jon Favreu show with a Bear twist. Perhaps Seen (
zombietruckstop) could help write questions, no topic barred. This will have to do until we get our own Bear state.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2005-03-21 06:03 pm (UTC)What I found worked for me this year was just being very zen about the whole thing, going with the flow and letting whatever happened, happen. I consciously resisted making plans ahead of time. When it felt like time to do something, like grab a meal, I just went with it. And I didn't pick up my phone and call a dozen people and coordinate meetings, I just grabbed whoever was around. I was worried, at times, that this would make some people feel left out, but it was necessary for my own sanity.
Also, what I've come to realize is that outrageously big groups at events like this are not a lot of fun for me. Organizing them is a challenge, for one. And even if I like everyone in the group, when it gets too big everyone's attention becomes spread too thin, and the dynamics just aren't as interesting. I really prefer small to mid size groups where you can actually have decent conversations and more in-depth interactions.
And, as far as different groups mingling, LJ is just a microcosm of the greater world. I think there's this notion in the LJ bear universe that everyone should be everyone else's friend and we should all want to spend all our time together when we're in the same town for some event - and, well, it just doesn't work that way. There are a lot of people that have made real friendships via LJ, yes. But, as in any other large group united by a single facet of their lives, there's going to be people that you don't get along with and people that you're just entirely ambivalent about. Forced socialization is never any fun. That's why a big LJ gathering at these things doesn't really interest me; most of us tend to find the people we want to spend time with without one, as evidenced by the many smaller impromptu gatherings throughout the weekend.
no subject
Date: 2005-03-21 11:31 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-03-22 05:10 am (UTC)For me, these weekends are about spending time with the members of my tribe / clan / family of choice / whatever you want to call it first, and other folks second. I don't really care if that makes me a selfish bitch. ;)
no subject
Date: 2005-03-21 06:22 pm (UTC)But I'm glad I got to meet you.
:0-)
no subject
Date: 2005-03-21 08:01 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-03-21 10:59 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-03-21 11:39 pm (UTC)One thing.
Bear Pride weekend usually has a party now. One advantage of that is no matter what you do you always have the backup of "I'll see you at the party". And even though Owen's parties have gotten big there nothing like the size of these events. You can mesh and meet other guys easily. And shit booze has the ability to make people social.
I think a party would be a good idea for TBRU. Getting someone to have it is the tough part.
no subject
Date: 2005-03-23 05:45 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-03-23 08:47 pm (UTC)Years ago, very early in my college years, my parents went out of town for a trip. My father traveling was normal, but mother never went, or so it seemed, unless it was a family trip. So I asked them if I could have a party while they're gone. I thought, what's the worst that could happen? They would say no.
My mom said "don't break anything and don't stain the new carpet."
My dad said "don't put the Porche in the lake." (we didn't have a Porche, he had recently watched Risky Business and liked it a lot.
So I planned a party. I invited all of my friends, everyone. Many of them got attitude about it "I don't want to be there is so-n-so is going to be there."
To which I replied "Then you're going to miss one hell of a party. We're all adults, you can always go to another room if you have to."
And so I had a party of mythic proportions. I think we had about 200 people through the course of the evening, crammed into every room of my parents modest house. We had live music, food, drink and lots of smoozing. At 1 AM it got quite. At 8 AM I drafted the remaining guests to help put the house back in order. Everyone had a good time.
So, to relate this to your post about the group dynamics, I find it advantageous to expect people to be responsible, their hang ups and their hesitations are theirs not mine. Now it doesn't always work that way, but that's the theory at least. Besides, sometimes, not always, walls are for breaking down. I let the groups work out their own dynamics. My role is to be as open as I wish, with as many as I wish. The rest is their choice.
no subject
Date: 2005-03-26 10:58 pm (UTC)Ah well... there's always next year! :)