They May Have Been Gay, But They Dressed Well

[eggwards]

Ugh. Tossing and turning and I can't sleep tonight. Too much in my head, and too little happening this weekend. I was such a hermit. The continuing saga of Captain Anti-Social.

Too bad I offered to work today. I'll have to "wake up" in a few hours. I'll be a zombie. Luckily it's only a small crew that I'll be watching over.

I'm sitting here, somewhat brain-dead, reading Liberty Meadows.

I'm also still processing the fact my mother told me that she and Dad told my great aunt that I was gay. Not sure how that came up. Mom said she was talking about weddings...probably because Laura and Ed haven't set a date (and hopefully will take their time). Still it feels odd.

Mom said that she wouldn't tell anyone else, but I'm kind of thinking it doesn't really matter. I don't really do much with my family anymore. I kind of knew when my grandmothers passed away that the glue to the aunts, uncles and cousins was gone. I really don't interact with them. If they actually give a crap that I'm gay, it would surprise me.

If they have a problem with it, that's their problem. I care more about what my friends thought way more than what my family thought of me, except for my Grandmothers, I wouldn't come out to them. It felt like a betrayal if I did, so it was actually the occasion of their deaths that sort of "allowed" me to come out. It's interesting, my paternal grandmother gave me a little hint on her deathbed that she knew...I don't know how, but she did. Laura caught it too. she was cool with it. i regret that I didn't do something sooner, there.

My maternal grandmother would have flipped. She thought I was a slacker anyway. She thought I took too long to get through school, always complained about my weight and could make me feel like crap. I didn't want her to know because it would be one more thing she'd have over me. She kept a picture of me and the high school girlfriend at the prom on her dresser for the rest of her life. I didn't like that she had that. i didn't like being reminded of that relationship, and that she had held onto it as if that picture was supposed to represent me, especially as I became more aware of my homosexuality.

For what it's worth, through the filter of my mother, Aunt Ouida was cool with it, remarking that she had been to a funeral of some hairdresser of hers, years ago, who had died of AIDS. She remarked to mom that she was so surprised how well all of the guys dressed for the funeral.

What a surreal answer. I stood listening to Mom in sneakers, shorts that looked like they were from a mound of unfolded clothes (which they were) and a ringer T-shirt in dirt brown. Fashion Plate, Supermodel.

I guess it was only a matter of time until it got around to the family. One doesn't go for years without a girlfriend easily, but then again, it could just be a part of Captain Anti-Social's M.O.

Comments

[xkot.livejournal.com]

I don't know how common the name Ouida is, but we had one with a huge family who used to live next door to us. Do you know if yours spent a long time in Florida?

[adminbear.livejournal.com]

For some reason lots of us seem to have an initial fear of what will happen when elderly family members are made aware of our sexuality. My favorite Aunt was told by a cousin that I was a faggot and my Aunt corrected the cousin and said (so I'm told) "No, he's gay. A faggot is a piece of wood." Supposedly the entire room went quiet for about 30 seconds and then conversation resumed as if nothing had been said. Shortly after that I got a letter from my Aunt congratulating my on my life and how well I was doing. She was a grand lady! BUT... we should assume that because they're our grand's that they're going to freak or boot us out. They've learned a lot in their time on this world.

[adminbear.livejournal.com]

OOPS! That should have said...

we should NOT assume that because

[birkibear.livejournal.com]

I think I felt weird when my parents started outing me to other friends and family members - then I realized what an important part of their process it is. Think about it -- in less than a year, your parents are comfortable telling people! The difference between my parents and Chip's is amazing. Mine have been talking about it for 15 years now. His have been quiet about it for just as long.

[bobaloo.livejournal.com]

My grandma, out of the clear blue called my mom one day:

"Hi Janie...yeah I'm getting my hair done today...by the way, is Bob a homo?"

To which my mom replied:

"Yes, but he's one of the good ones."

I can't write better comedy.

[redcub.livejournal.com]

Mom's always seem to blab. Mine was properly mortified when I came out to her, "Don't tell ANYONE ELSE IN THE FAMILY!" was her battlecry.

Then she picked up the phone after I left and informed everyone of the news. I doubt there was a human being in a tri-state area who didn't know I was gay after she hung up.

In retrospect, it saved me a lot of trouble. I should have just come out to her first, early in the morning, and then settled back to read about it in the paper that evening, while I watched the CNN coverage, ya know?

A Clue

[bear-with-me.livejournal.com]

I do remember this same thing going on in my life, but a while ago because I am ancient. You cannot go on forever thinking that no one knows. A man in his thirties who isn't married, has never had a girlfriend and dresses/grooms too well is suspect. My family just stopped asking if I had a girlfriend. Sometimes it is what isn't said that screams the loudest. For all my fears, none of them really gave a shit about it. As we age, the closet just melts away from you slowly. At a certain point, it is better to just say yes than to appear wimpy and evasive. I also think it is a nice radical act......being invisible allows the media to make straight people believe that all homos are drag queens who only march on Gay Day. To be visible, normal and sane is the most radical act I can think of.....because we make people see us for who we really are, people just like them.

[eskiebear.livejournal.com]

Its good to have relatives/friends that are cool with coming out. My parents have had to deal with it and its amazing how much their friends didn't tell them until the secret door was opened. From some of the stories I get back from my mom, I get the impression that some of them are jealous. Where can I get a gay relative? What a world!

[adminbear.livejournal.com]

YES!!! Exactly! I love hearing the stories my Mother tells of friends and relatives telling her stuff when she outs me to them. One of her closest friends tried to set me up with her son.

[eggwards.livejournal.com]

Aunt Ouida is from deep East Texas, but my Paternal Grandfather was from Florida, and my family had a farm on Escambia Bay, just east of Pensacola. When I was a kid, we would travel there often. My Dad and Uncle sold it about 10 years ago, and now it's a subdivision.

[eggwards.livejournal.com]

The best humor is often unintended.

And so usable, later!

Oh yeah

[bandchris.livejournal.com]

I understand on many levels... *sigh*
In other news...I need Eggwards's help! I'm about to retire from Sorority-land and I'm trying to do what I can and leave a lasting gift to both chapters...family trees...! Woo! Can you help? I just need to know
1. What semester were you initiated?
2. Who were your candidate bros & sis's?
3. Who were your bigs?
4. Who were your littles (both sides)?

That'd be super... =) Oh, if you don't have it, I'm at bandchris @ hotmail.com

Thanks Mike/Egg!

Re: Oh yeah

[eggwards.livejournal.com]

I'll get back to you...I typed it, and now it went away!