Not about Smurfs

[eggwards]

I realized with everything going on for the next month, I won't see my parents for the next four weeks. For many of you, I'm sure this is no big deal. For me it's rather significant. I've always lived pretty close to the folks, either in Conroe or Houston for the last several years. I can easily say that 4 weeks would be longer than usual, but I'm going to be other places, seeing people I want to see...some of it I can' explain, to either of them.

I went out to dinner with them last night. It was the usual inane banter. I did kind of sneak in a reference to my sister's visiting dad earlier in the day without tipping off Mom that it had happened. Dad gave me a little message that Mom was none the wiser. Once again laura pulled it off. In three weeks they will all be at Seth's wedding together and Laura won't be able to avoid Mom. I however will be safely somewhere near Lake Shore Drive in Chicago, hanging out with John (blithwulf) and what other LJers decide to pop into my travels. I'm very, very excited about this trip!

This upcoming weekend I'll be with Chris (oakleycub). As he drove home from Mississippi yesterday I was on the phone with him for about three hours. I missed him.

As I packed up the laundry that i had done at my parents house last night, I pulled Dad outside and told him where i was going to be when I was in Chicago. Mom asked at dinner where I was staying, and I could have passed off John as an old fraternity buddy, and she probably would have bought it, but instead I told them that I was staying at a Holiday Inn on the north side...good enough.

So I told Dad that I'm staying with John, and then going to Grand Rapids to see Randy's (lostncove) plays. I sort of scraped by the information of how I know these two. Meeting Randy via LJ is one thing. I wasn't quite ready to explain meeting John at TBRU and all of what a bear run is.

Dad's remained rather stoically silent. I think too many details would only hurt the situation right now, but I did let him know one more thing. I told him about Chris. I said that we had met, that things were getting kind of close, and that I'd be in dallas this weekend to see him. I wanted to say that I'd like him to meet Chris, but didn't quite make it there. I think he's just needing some time to process the fact that I'm running to Dallas to be in the arms of a man. This might take a while.

No questions from Dad. No "What's he like?" or the scarier "What do you do together?" Just a silent acceptance of the fact. He mentioned a few words of warning to me about Mom. "She's been going off about the Supreme Court case. You know, the one about sodomy." I told him, "Well, she's only repeating what the radio talk shows say. I don't put much stock in what she's saying." "Yes, but I thought you should know."

He then went on to talk to me about work. The discussion was over. I so wanted to ask him, "Well, what do you think about the decision?", but I didn't want to make him feel uncomfortable. The though of his son, the first born, dating another guy, well I think he's got to work on that. I've though about throwing the link to P-Flag his way, or the HRC, but I think that it's not yet the right time. I really need him to come to me with questions fist, then I'll know he's ready for more info. Heck, it may be quite a while.

Still, what does he think? Oh to be a mind reader.

Comments

[bassbehr.livejournal.com]

Did Chris have a good time in my home State and City? :)

[eggwards.livejournal.com]

The report back is yes, indeed he did. Hopefully he'll post about it!

[oakleycub.livejournal.com]

We will just have to send him the photo of me dressed as a cheerleader for Halloween. I'm sure that will make him feel alot more secure.

[xanaducub.livejournal.com]

From my experince, fathers do not want to know about their oldest son's experiences with sodomy.

[paladincub21.livejournal.com]

The father conversation seem to go very well. Thats better than most I think, insanely better than the half-truths that me and my parents speak back and forth.

Note: My sister knows explicitly, my mother and father don't talk about it. And my sister has lately been in denial...for 2 years now. So, yeah, you have a much better relationship.

But for contrast, I haven't seen my parents since the 4 days I was there last christmas, and I won't see them again until late late August for another 3-4 days. Thats all for me. :)

Not to be didactic, but...

[e-ticket.livejournal.com]

...remember, coming out is a process, not an event. As much for dad as for you. :) Props to the guy for the heads-up about your mom. Heh. :)

[bookish-cub.livejournal.com]

i'm glad that coming out to the family has been a positive experience so far! hopefully your mom will come around in time.

[kev-bot.livejournal.com]

Dude,

My dad accepted my gayness way back in 1992. We have not talked about it explicitly since then. (Although, okay, he DID ask what we did for Valentine's Day this year, which was odd...)

Buzz

about what he thinks

[singerbear.livejournal.com]

I think it's a reasonable question. Do you write or email any with him? When I came out to my dad, there was a period of about two years where we didn't speak. That hurt like hell, and I finally couldn't take the quiet any more, so I wrote to him and told him how I felt; that I missed him and that I didn't want to hurt him but that I was and that I couldn't change that.

He wrote back a five page letter that let me know where he was on the subject (I guess I let the context out a bit. I really DID want to know how he felt about it) and let me know that we were still family and that he loved me. He also said that he was learning about being gay from people in his workplace and that he could accept more about me now than he could at the start.

Letting him know you still love him and value his opinion, and asking him how he feels about this might just open up your relationship more.

In any case, I hope you continue to do well in the process.