Do You Need Your Parking Ticket Validated?

[eggwards]

One of the aspects of being a gay male means that you are looking for acceptance, socialization and even love from a group that's pretty much like you. Heterosexuals at least get to expand their group to a more diverse set of people, despite eHarmony's 28 dimensions of compatibility.

The rational part of my head says it's stupid to be looking for validation at a bear run, but deep down inside, here's a group of hot, sexy men all in one place, and all I really want to do is feel like I belong with them. I want to know that I'm good enough, handsome enough, entertaining enough to be one of them.

But yet I always feel like pulling away from the crowd. I like my personal space, and the hotel lobby just isn't a great place for it. I feel that no one is interested in my conversation, so I shut down, but yet, here I am wanting to be (lord help me I'm thinking of a Disney tune now) a part of the cool kids, the sexy kids.

I wish my head could give this fear up and just let me get on with it. Damn me and my tendency to overanalyze everything.

Comments

[eggwards.livejournal.com]

I enjoyed that time too. It was a weird event, but we made the best of it.

Everyone says I should just drink more and be able to let go, but I get stupid(er) when I'm drunk, so if I'm already having enough trouble with self-esteem, well...